i fixed your coffee... strong and black
and tried to pretend you were coming back
i made your eggs and buttered your bread
and tried to remember the last thing you said
before it all changed and you couldn't speak
before the sickness, when you weren't so weak
the way it happened, all so fast
the days roll by, into the past
and some days it's a struggle just to get up, go on
and i don't know how i can ever be this strong
but we take it day by day
i wish it didn't have to be this way
it makes me angry because it isn't fair
to know that you're lost in there
and i can't reach you, even though i try
when the lights are out, i sit and cry
and try to get back to that place
where i could see your smiling face
and hands that held me through thick and thin
and it hurts so much that i may never know it again
but i will be here, we stay together
i loved you then, i'll love you forever
there are times when it's hard to be so alone
but i keep holding out, hoping you'll come home

It was all over her face
the way she fell from grace
and couldn't find her way back
stumbling through the black
and the night left scars
that glowed like stars
tears were falling plenty
hurts so much to be this empty
this was all she ever knew
this world so cold and blue
no hope here, no warmth would find her
she couldn't remember the way things were
and she wants and she needs
she cries and she bleeds
but nothing can ease the pain
how this love has left it's stain
maybe she can forget
what it's like to know regret
and rise up from the ashes
but she's been burning so long

if you could've traced her veins
you'd see the clarity of the pain
and how each word marked her heart
and that would be a start
of figuring exactly who
this girl was bathed in blue
and the only thing she would desire
is someone to dance in the fire
and never worry about the flame
if you love it, give it a name
otherwise let it go, let it go
so it may learn to grow
or else she'd be a wilted flower
just waiting for the minute, the hour
when she found simplicity, she was free
she knew exactly who she wanted to be
it was getting there
that always seemed to be the struggle

when i left
the quiet hell i was living in
you were there
with your sweet words
that tasted like sugar on my lips
your promises
of better days
and better times
and i was so naive
a hopeless fool
because i've always believed
in the illusion of love
then you started
showing me the darkness
and it was more than i could take
when all i wanted
was to finally see the sun
let the light fill up my soul
and you laughed
because i was so blind
so believing, trusting
and you made your mark
where the scars had yet to heal
and all it left me with
was a bitter taste in my mouth

sometimes her mind races
and she can't slow down her thoughts
and it's overwhelming
even for her
so she may shut down
because there's safety in that
not letting anyone get too close
for fear they may
get cut on all her
broken pieces
she is stitched together
sometimes it feels like
coming unglued
but it doesn't hurt anymore
if she doesn't think about it
if she can just keep busy
if she can just find something
anything to believe in
mostly she blames herself
for being too soft
too emotional
and carrying too much love
because that in turn
can only complicate things
and it makes people uneasy
to be so wide open
so she paces herself
or she tries (mostly)
and reads other people
when really all she wanted
was to be real
not to be understood
but to be loved
even the darkest
dustiest parts
of her soul
sometimes just needed
a light

Sometimes I just wanna feel
all that's right and all that's real
because I don't wanna be numb
I wonder if i'm the only one
with chaos raging in my head
I think of all the times I bled
for others, and their empty hearts
that I don't know just where it starts
the separation from others
sisters and brothers
because I feel like a vessel, a force
when i'm just trying to stay on course
they bleed into me, shed their tears
confess their sins, confess their fears
come to me when they're broken, as if I can heal
when I just wanna be alive (and feel, feel, feel)
something that's mine, don't take that away
always searching for that better day
I feel it building, in my eyes a storm will rage
my insides feeling empty, my heart in a cage
building up walls
just to watch them fall

she'd wrap herself in different shades of blue
she learned pretty words weren't always true
and that the world wouldn't always be good
people you didn't think would hurt you probably would
and that sometimes you have to smile through the tears
and never look back on anything as wasted years
but as lessons, as a way to grow
maybe she'd learn what she didn't know
how to be a little braver, bolder
even if that meant she had to be colder
if it would save the pieces of her messy heart
maybe she'd be okay, it would be a start
to something more beautiful than she could understand
maybe she'd learn to blend in, walking in this foreign land
and maybe just maybe she'd feel peace in her soul
and find all the missing things that would make her whole

people confuse me
that line alone
could be the shortest poem
i've ever wrote
but there's such truth
in that statement
no one values
one another
and feelings
and relationships
and emotions
they become the
secondhand things
and it's easy to forget
to never take things
seriously
life shouldn't be
so complicated
and lies should never
be so abundant
because there's beauty
in honesty
in realness
but people confuse me
because they don't
value it anymore

lose yourself
you won't break
you're just gonna
dance anyway
if it can drive
those demons out
i say shake those
hips a little faster
move to the music
until you can't feel
how ******* up
this world can be
and maybe you'll find
some hope
bits of sunshine
coming through
on your darkest days
and i pray
that you will be
all that you're capable of
so go on and dance
those demons away

you could almost see
ink flowing through her veins
and how she spread her words
across her heart
waiting for someone to
read them
and she may have been
complicated
but she had such
simple needs
but no one took her
seriously
and she let things
hurt far more than they should
because she truly cared about
people. everyone. everything
because it felt right to her
and she had no idea
how to be anything else
because sometimes she
wished she could
but if you were to pick apart
all these little pieces
and how memories always stain
then maybe you could
see something
special there

she found comfort in sea side towns
and how the waves felt beneath her
it was the closest to safe
she'd felt in forever
she wanted to take photos
of strangers and
listen to their stories
because human connection
is by far the sweetest thing we have
and she wanted to capture
that moment in time
when you could see their memories
in the lines of their face
and how their eyes would light up
when they talked about life
she wanted to see how beautiful
or how dark
others viewed the world
because it felt so important
and when their words were sad
and you could hear the pain
in their soft voices
she could feel that ache in her chest
and how she hurt so much
for the broken
for the lost
for the lonely
and god she wanted to save them all
but she knew she really couldn't
so she'd just love them
as best as she knew how
because it felt right
it made her happy
and sometimes that's all she'd have
pictures to help remember
& stories burned into her brain

she didn't care if she was ever beautiful
she just wanted to make the world beautiful
she wanted to take long walks
and reflect on deeper things
she wanted to talk quietly
but only a few people would hear this
but she was always open
when they poured their hearts out
like putting their pain in her hands
& maybe she could fix it
she would try to offer comforting words
but maybe it was just the way they could tell
how every word seemed to touch deep to her bones
and she could relate in some way or another
but she looked at them, slightly confused
unsure of how she became so different
because shouldn't everyone feel this way
this connection
this bond that humans should share
the need to love one another
and mend one another
and sometimes she had to distance herself
because it became too much
all the weights she had to carry
and she doesn't know if she should
sleep or cry
for the things she can't fix
& she knows they're not her burdens
but she feels that they are

they told her
she was weird
she was different
she was too much
or not enough
they told her
that she should
be tougher
brighter
prettier
or whatever
would suit the mood
and it used to hurt
leave these little
scars all over
her heart
they wanted her
to be cold
and unfeeling
hopeless and lost
but they always
underestimated
who she truly was
because they never
took the time
to really find out

she would try to tell you
i can be a good friend
because i love people
& i like to listen
i'm fascinated by their actions
their words, their thoughts
she would try to tell you
that tomorrow will be a better day
that there's always sunshine
behind the rain
and that you'd never be handed
more than you could bear
but she'd also tell you not to expect
much more than this
because she would never want
to let anyone get too close
because she was full of broken pieces
and you might get cut in the process
of knowing her and that would
make her sadder than anything

she fell in love
with old buildings
abandoned houses
windows busted out
missing doors and
peeling paint
places that seemed
haunted and lost
there was a sweet sadness
in overgrown yards
like part of the world was forgotten
it moved her
because she coul see
how beautiful they once were
how memories used to fill
all the hallways and rooms
rooms now boarded shut
falling apart
pieces, pieces everywhere
and she fell in love
with the way the sun hit
and she could almost feel
where life used to be there
she kinda thinks that people
are like those houses

my life was literally
falling down all around me
and you were my friend
the only friend i really had
and i talked to you all hours of the night
about what went wrong in life
and why people turn out the way they do
i found comfort in your voice
words that seemed to soothe me
give me that peace i so desperately needed
five years of not being "allowed" to be emotional
to be thoughtful or loving
because it was "inconvienent"
and i was too much and so tiresome
and i knew that and i tried to change
i tried to fit the needs of others
and it left me so empty
walking around like a shell, a ghost
of who i used to be
and i hurt inside all the time
but you gave me that brief glimpse of hope
and you whispered sweet words
that became empty promises
and that part hurt, i'm not going to lie
it bothered me so much because
really it was pointless
and it never should've happened
because we can't just be friends
i was never wired that way
and i'm sorry for you
because i could've been
the best friend you ever had

Ernest Hemingway once said
write hard and clear about what hurts
what he didn't say was that sometimes
it'll feel like needles against your skin
like swallowing ashes
and your heart is racing
he didn't tell you that
sometimes writing
about what hurts isn't always so clear
you can write it out
you can mix your words
make them sound beautiful even if they are
so full of pain and shame
so you can write hard and clear
about what hurts
but just know that the after effects
aren't always as beautiful
& poetic as you'd like
sometimes it leaves a burn
a scar in places no one sees

you can't love a woman who writes
maybe you think you'd like to try
but it's really almost impossible
it takes so much time
and people are impatient
but if she writes
then she has dreams
she envisions a life
you may not be able to imagine
she can take her words
& spread them across the night
and make something beautiful
out of almost nothing
you might think that you'd like this
someone who can find the hope
in all that's broken
but really it's so... exhausting
and you'll expect to be some elaborate
part of the book of Her
but if you can't live up to it
please don't try because people
get hurt in the process
and nothing hurts her more
than others suffering
don't use that against her
just let her be who she needs to be
if you want to love her know
that there's a lot of emotion there
a lot of inner struggle
that has nothing to do with you
don't make it about you
because it rarely ever is
sometimes she's gonna be sad
or frustrated or lonely
because that's who she is
but maybe it's best
not to love a woman who writes

he liked to play cards
with the old men
at the hospital
where his mama worked
because they'd tell him jokes
that he didn't quite understand
he could laugh and no one
would make fun of him
and sometimes they'd give him
their desserts
sometimes the old man
named George would cry a little
when he looked at him
and that would make him sad
but he said he reminded him
of a boy he used to know
and that he hoped he stayed
just the way he was
the kids at school
called him slow (stupid, *******)
and played tricks on him
sometimes he would cry
but sometimes he would
feel those fists flying
because they hurt him first
and then his mama would cry
because they'd send notes home
and she would say "i have my hands full.
why can't you just try harder?"
so he'd try harder and he'd keep
things to himself
and he wouldn't tell
what it was like when one of his teachers
took him into a closet after school
and made him do terrible things
and he wouldn't tell when
mama got a new boyfriend
and he'd hit him every time
that mama was gone
and he wouldn't tell
how much it hurt
that he knew he was different
but he couldn't change
and he wouldn't tell
when he went into the bathroom
to swallow some pills
because sometimes it's so hard
not to tell

she never wanted anyone
to tell her she was pretty
because it felt so empty
and unreal because she mostly
didn't feel that way
and they mostly only saw her
when she was broken and sad
don't love her like that
or you'll never know her
you'll let her go &
maybe regret it later
the girl who slipped through
like a ghost but she haunts you still
love her when she's happy
when she's doing what she loves
when she feels well and whole
or don't love her at all
because you don't know her
she doesn't need you to tell her shallow things
she has no time for that
and everything with her must have meaning
she's complicated but she has simple needs
she doesn't expect you to catch the stars
only to sit and watch them with her

you should have
someone who falls in love
with the sound of your voice
at 3 am
when the world is asleep
and you're restless
& someone who watches
the moonlight fall across your face
and can feel the stars from
your fingers
you should have
someone who listens to your dreams
and your thoughts
who wants to hear everything
you've ever wanted
someone who will see the bruises
on your soul
the scars on your heart
but tells you you're beautiful anyway
& you should have
someone who wants your happiness
and to play a part in that
someone who doesn't give up so easily
in a world where everyone
gives up all the time
and you should have
all your wishes come true
and someone sweet
to share them with

Around 8 there was much confusion
testing and needles and transfusions
the chemo made him so sick
hard to breathe, the air is thick
he lost all his hair when he turned nine
his parents wishing they could turn back time
to when he was healthy, when he was whole
but there is much that we can't control
so they'd say prayers by his hospital bed
kiss his face and stroke his head
sing him songs and read him books
they didn't bother to notice the looks
people felt pity beneath whispering voices
gave advice and questioned their choices
when he turned 10 he was ready to go
their little boy who would never grow
he'd never become a man, never know life
robbed of a future family, children and a wife
he wouldn't get his license or reach graduation
never feel the sun from summer vacations
so they took him out of the hospital at his request
and he said that was the part that he liked best
because he knew it was time to go home
but they should never feel alone
because he saw angels, everywhere
so not to feel lonely because he'd be there
a whisper in the wind, stars that shine at night
they had to let him go, he was too tired to fight
it wasn't about giving up, or giving in
it was the promise of seeing them again
in a place where flowers always bloom
and little boys can catch the moon
they'll see him, they'll know he's free
no more pain and misery
so in silence they will weep
for their little boy who went to sleep
and woke up in a better place
healthy, whole, his smiling face

she wasn't beautiful
and so long ago
gave up trying
but she was real
and she was kind
and she wanted
the world to be better
she saw it
for it's real face
like a sickness
& we were all infected
but it was like
too many people
were putting bandaids
over the infection
instead of trying to change
what was really wounded
because it was easier
to just smile
& pretend
that it was all okay
and people could be cruel
and ugly and sad
if we didn't mention it
but that wasn't life
not the life she wanted
she wanted them to see
that broken things
cracked things
can be so beautiful
because that's how
the light gets in
and even when
she wasn't beautiful
and never would be
she wanted to make
the world beautiful

sometimes there's no pain in goodbye
and maybe i love you is the sweetest lie
maybe hope is all we're left to hold
all that glitters isn't gold
sometimes we lose ourselves bit by bit
looking for something to make the pieces fit
and we don't wanna feel empty or alone
when words and memories cut to the bone
sometimes you know when enough is enough
and there's no shame in giving up
on anything that makes you blind
leads you astray, sets you behind
makes your soul hurt, your heart ache
but nothing in this life is a mistake
lessons, lessons, how they change
and life is wonderful, life is strange
even in the moments of struggle and grief
hold on fast to that belief
that you are always so much more
than you give yourself credit for
sometimes there's no pain in goodbye
and maybe i love you is the sweetest lie
but we're all fools
stumbling blindly

she could've been
the last great love affair
like rain on a summer day
she could've been the one
that you'd been looking for
but you passed her over
so easily
let her go
because it was
easier than having
to actually try
she was too emotional
too much for you
and that was okay
if the pieces to the puzzle
didn't fit
it was for the best
if you had to pretend
then saying goodbye
was best for everyone
because she would've been
the only one
you would've never had
to pretend with
because she was honest
deep in her bones
and her heart played
a song that she kept
hoping you would hear
but it fell on deaf ears
and she came up with
empty palms
where she thought your hands
would someday fit
but she knows that this
is part of life, part of her

you should have
someone who falls in love
with the sound of your voice
at 3 am
when the world is asleep
and you're restless
& someone who watches
the moonlight fall across your face
and can feel the stars from
your fingers
you should have
someone who listens to your dreams
and your thoughts
who wants to hear everything
you've ever wanted
someone who will see the bruises
on your soul
the scars on your heart
but tells you you're beautiful anyway
& you should have
someone who wants your happiness
and to play a part in that
someone who doesn't give up so easily
in a world where everyone
gives up all the time
and you should have
all your wishes come true
and someone sweet
to share them with

when she couldn't hear
people speaking kindly
she'd throw her voice
into the wind
hoping maybe it would
make their day a little brighter
when she didn't see
compassion
empathy for each other
she poured herself out
and took their feelings in
and when she didn't know
what tomorrow would bring
she placed her faith in God
because there's nothing
greater than that
and she wanted everyone
to believe
that we are part
of something so much
bigger, better, stronger
she wanted to change
the world
& make it a little better

where are you going, where have you been?
i wonder if i'll ever find you again
the way your mind is start to slip
this has been the most difficult trip
years together, i wasn't prepared
to let go of the life we shared
sorrow washes down like rain
as i watch you suffer, see your pain
and i feel so helpless, so alone
sometimes it's like you're already gone
disease crept in, like a thief
left us wrapped up in our grief
sometimes i wish i could set you free
find the man you used to be
the one that was lost along the way
now struggles through life every day
i know it wasn't your choice
to forget my face, forget my voice
i feel it cracking, pieces of my heart
i wonder if i'll find my way through the dark
i'm tired of questioning why
i can't save you or i'd try
but i'm here
and i love you

if you look in her eyes you will see
all the things that set her free
and if you really want to know
just how deep her love can go
it's not written in her history
she wasn't much of a mystery
she was pretty open, simple at start
you found the missing pieces of her heart
and she felt like you were
becoming so much to her
you spun stories and let her sleep
and she was falling, falling so deep
tasting moonlight on her lips
and you were there at her fingertips
fire in the darkness, shining like a star
do you know how amazing you are
because you lit a fire within
and she's ready to begin
the life she always wanted
& it's with you

she was eating
pears on the rooftop
& singing Tom Petty songs
in flip flops & sunglasses
watching people passing by
and she'd never get tired of this
making up stories in her head
of who she thought they were
because that was so much sweeter
and gentler than what was real
she could see how beautiful
the world really was
and it always amazed her
when others couldn't see
past the sad and the ugly
the broken and the pain
there were flowers blooming
in the meadows
children dancing to summertime sounds
people laughing and singing
if only in little spurts
it was enough
to get her by
and she'd hold on tight
to what she believed
and she chose to believe
that life is
beautiful

i was a good girl, only speaking when spoken to
honest and forgiving, tried to keep my words true
and kept promises and secrets, no time for lies
but there was always more than meets the eye
i was quiet, a little shy
never questioning, asking why
just doing what i thought i should
being all i felt i could
because i wanted to believe
that true friends don't leave
and that people were good at heart
i tried to be funny, tried to be smart
tried to be what i thought was wanted
but on the insides i just felt haunted
lonely and lost, always drifting
and the world beneath me was shifting
a change was coming, it was coming soon
i saw it in the stars, felt it in the moon
and the rain fell down
and covered this town
in ashes and despair
i was the only one there
i walked away, burning bright
like a fire against the night
and i knew that i really matter
that i wouldn't break or shatter
that the world was mine, i make it my own
my life, my family, my friends and home
i'm not the girl i used to be
she's long gone, a memory
i'm stronger and better
than i ever was

All that was lost
I finally found
your name makes
the sweetest sound
when it leaves my lips
it feels like a song
at last I finally
feel like I belong
to someone
that was once a dream
you're my sun, moon
and everything in between
it feels complete
when i'm holding your hand
come dance with me
in a strange land
where the stars
are falling among the grass
and the seas are made
of gold & glass
my life reflected
in deep brown eyes
come away with me
under glittering skies

For My Children

I will never be perfect
and sometimes I won't be fair
but you will always know
just how much I care
I carried you within me
heart, body and soul
I never knew this love
until you made me whole
it will be my job
to always protect
to guide you, teach you
about honesty and respect
to love you without condition
for all of time
I am so proud
that I can call you mine
you are my babies
my sweetest days
and I will be there
forever and always
so no matter what you do
no matter where you go
you will find the strength
and the hope to always grow
I loved you before I knew
just how beautiful you'd be
you're the greatest blessings
ever given to me

For years she lived
in a quiet hell
that nobody knew
she lost herself
withdrew because
she was made to feel
that she was nothing
there were affairs
and lies and empty promises
often times she'd cry
herself to sleep
because she only wanted
to be free
of all the darkness
and the emptiness
so she stayed for too long
until there was little left
but a shell of who
she once was
it progressively
got worse
each and every day
until she knew
this life wasn't meant for her
and that she was so much more
than what she had accepted
the deceit, the hurt
the feeling of entrapment
and abuse, over and over
she carried such a heavy shame
underneath a pretty smile
until the weight of it all
felt like it would crush her
until one day
one fateful day
it was enough
it was finally enough
and the fireman came
but they never saw her
holding the matches....

and sometimes
her heart would ache
heavy with the weight
of all the words she
couldn't say
because they
wouldn't change anything
and the only thing she
could change is herself
she longed to do better
to be better
to find that balance
instead of the
all or nothing
which is all she'd ever known
she didn't give up on people easily
even when she knew
she probably should
and that was the painful part
how it was always easy
for people to give up on her

Just when she thought
Of only broken things
Someone crossed her path
Her light, her destiny
Understanding from a similar soul
Awaiting on the other side

The days passed by
Haunted her from a distance
Every night more restless than the last
Only when they were together
Did it make sense, feel like home
Often she questioned her luck
Rolling with the change so sweetly
Every storm running out of rain

Always, she knows she loves him
Deeping, these emotions every day
Almost there, the wait almost over
Memories to be made
Such sweetness to be share

guard your heart and spill your dreams
or you'll come apart at the seams
you are a beautiful creature, spirit alive
but now you have to learn to survive
never let the world leave you cold & empty
there's darkness here and despair is plenty
but watch the stars against the night
you will find your way, you will find the light
and all that hope you've been saving up
you'll see that you were always good enough
the ground beneath you might quiver and shake
but you my love were never one to give in and break
shining like the summer sun
don't let your secrets come undone
don't let it make you bitter, frail
this is your life, your story to tell

he says maybe i should come inside
find a place for my demons to hide
because i see rain in your skin
and you're where i should begin
to drive my darkness out
i'm so tired of fear and doubt
i want something safe and warm
find some shelter from the storm
where all my broken peaces can mend
maybe a lover or maybe a friend
it wouldn't matter
if we don't shatter
if we don't break
maybe it'll dull the ache
of yesterdays sorrows
bring on better tomorrows
i see comfort in your lips
trace your face with my fingertips
and i'll find my release
in your soul i'll find my peace
if you'll just let me in
feel the rain on your skin
and she smiles like sunshine
dancing her away across the time
if she can dull the ache, the pain
she never listens to her brain
it's the heart that leads her blindly
someday she's gonna learn

build it up just to burn it down
i feel trapped in this town
when there are other worlds than this
so tired of this hit and miss
be beautiful, be brave
you are not a slave
and what confines
never defines
and it will never shatter
if you make it matter
give it roots or give it wings
find your peace in pretty things
empty out the coldness of your heart
find the light shining in the dark
and know that there's more tomorrows
to sing away the pain, the sorrows
life doesn't have to be so tragic
just dance because you're made of magic

she wanted something simple & sweet
to just feel the earth beneath her feet
she wanted to find that touch of magic
because really nothing's that tragic
if you find the stories to tell
live them free and live them well
she wanted to be the change
in a world so unreal and strange
but she never knew quite where to start
to spill the secrets in her heart
sometimes the world would make her ache
but she was never meant to bend or break
she'd just push on each day
finding a reason to smile, to pray
because there's always more
if you know what you're searching for
and somedays she felt so lost, empty
mistakes and tears they were plenty
but she'd find the balance, the calm
something to hold right in her palm
and make it beautiful, some how
when she's living in the now
finding the freedom, the grace
you can see it all in her face
if you're willing to look
you could read her like a book

someone once asked her
what it was like
to hold that box of darkness
because it looked heavy
cracked and old
locked up tight
she'd just smile and
shake her head
because that secret was hers
and hers alone
no one knew that what she carried
was the weight of others, their wrong doings
the secrets she promised to keep
even the ones that were slowly killing her
but she wanted more than anything
to take their pain away
because she was always pulled
to those who were broken
misguided and lost
because they reminded her
of who she used to be
and if she could help
soothe their souls
ease the broken hearted
then life would be sweeter
but sometimes it didn't make a bit of sense
and she felt the box grow heavy
colder and she started to feel empty
maybe it's time
to bury that box

some nights i can't sleep
because the silence is so loud
and i find my mind wandering
& i won't attempt to lie
when i tell you i'm scared
of where i've been
and the confusion
of not knowing where i'm going
i try so hard to keep the faith
to plaster that smile on my face
but sometimes i cry myself to sleep
because the world seems so big
and i'm not sure which way to turn
because i've never been so good
with directions and choices
some nights i can't sleep
because i'm so exhausted
that i feel tired deep into my bones
and i just wanna rest
but i'm always on the fight or flight mode
running, running, running
from everyone and everything
because sometimes i don't want
people to know me
because people leave
& you're left with memories
that burn and ache
sometimes i can't sleep
because this is when the questions
keep bouncing around in my head
and i don't know how to silence it anymore
but sometimes i just wish
that i could sleep

when she was a little girl
with little girl wishes
she had a journal
& in ******* letters
she wrote
"Plans & Dreams"
she wrote faithfully
about what she thought
her life would be
that someday she kept waiting for
then she turned 30
and she realized that
the life she wanted
that she imagined
maybe it wasn't right for her
that she would be the best
mother that she could be
a good daughter, a good friend

they wanted numbers, they wanted names
she stood there watching it go up in flames
they said it was a breakdown, descent in to madness
but no one ever grasped the depth of her sadness
and how quick a candle could start a fire
carefully placed near a faulty wire
she stands there, both eyes black
the straw that broke the camels back
when he threw her down the stairs last night
ten years she's spent trying to avoid the fight
the hands that hold her down
that push and pull and slap her around
too far gone, she felt she had no use
it was all her fault, every incident of abuse
something she did, to provoke him that way
on her knees every night trying to pray
that this would stop, it would end
no family, not a single friend
just the loneliness that tears her apart
too long living with a broken heart
when love should never be like this
hard hands, empty words, sealed with a kiss
and a promise it'll never happen again
well this time it won't.

blackness, it's all that I see
when you're taking this from me
uninvited, unwanted, trying to say no
it's the beginning and you won't let me go
held down, broken, the pain of being used
never thought it'd be me being abused
this isn't me, it's not my choice
but I can't speak, I have no voice
I'm shocked, lying here bleeding
no sounds, just my heart beating
and you're gone, never looking back
my world crumbles, turns to black
this is me, *****, full of shame
you didn't know me, not even my name
but you thought you had that right?
to make me cry, scream & fight
now there's danger lurking in every place
I find myself always on guard, looking for your face
I hope someday I have my turn
To watch you suffer, watch you burn

sometimes this world makes me sad
the hate, the hurt, treating each other bad
sometimes it makes me wanna give up
where's the faith, where's the love?
it seems like everything is always a fight
where's the line between what's wrong or right?
the way we treat our young, our old
why do people need to be so cold?
i shake my head in desperation
sometimes it's hard to find inspiration
when there's so much ugly around
i wanna dance but i can't hear a sound
i wanna write but words won't come
losing track of where i came from
this isn't who i wanted to be
the vision i always had of me
has been corrupted, turned upside down
it's worldwide, it can't be just this town
i see it on every corner, every turn
the way we're letting the world burn
poverty, neglect, loneliness, greed
why doesn't everyone have what they need?
i feel my insides filling up like a storm
and it's now that the tears form
for this world i cannot save
time treats me like a slave
i find hope in these moments, buried deep
when i'm on the verge of sleep
memories of a kiss between mother and child
passing by a field of flowers growing wild
an old couple on a park bench, married forever
a group of children laughing, playing together
man on a bus that gives a pregnant woman his seat
the smell of grandma's house, always something sweet
the feel of snowflakes on mountaintops or rivers rushing by
and now i sit here and wonder how i ever wanted to cry
because the world is full of so many things
car alarms going off or how the bird sings
whether is someone giving birth or accepting death
it's in every move you make, in every single breath
it's all about perspective
the world is
whatever you say it is

i see you stringing my words together
wondering if it's now or forever
and i saw that look on your face
that you were ready for the chase
because i was never easy to obtain
addicted to the beauty within the pain
i was best left alone
better at doing things on my own
no one there to drag me down
wanted to escape & leave this town
i grew my wings fast, over night
and i was ready to take that flight
into the unknown & find the truth
the misgivings of a misspent youth
then you caught me, completely unaware
the way you ran your fingers through my hair
and whispered words i needed to hear
you made it real, you made it clear
that i was always
worth the chase