Yeah life is a hater
And the world is too
But they defied their own nature
When they blessed me with *you

I hate History.
Loathe it, in fact.
To hell with these matrix of numbers and dates!
My brain can only withstand through so much pain
Until it eventually breaks ...
And then procastinates.

I tried, okay?
I tried to stay happy
Stay strong
Stay optimistic.
But...
You made it so hard.
You put me down
Every second of every day.
Do you even hear the words you say?!
They were like screeches in my ear
They were like bricks thrown at my face...
Oh
The shame, the shame, the shame.

I tried, okay?
I tried, but your words...
They hurt more than I could ever imagine.

Your love surrounds me like an ocean
It drags me down to the depths of the unknown
And with curiosity, I dive deeper
Deeper and deeper I dive,
Knowing all too well that I am in danger of dying
But I am drowning in the wonders of your foresaken love...
And I will be safe and sound
For your love surrounds me like an ocean
And it floods my mind with a tsunami of pondering 'what if's.

Mother, can you not see
That the pressure you put onto me
Weighs me down each day like a tonne of bricks
And tugs at my insecurities
You want me to be perfect, for image is everything
And since I am not perfect
I guess I am
fake
I guess I am worthless
I pretend to be happy, I pretend to be smart
I pretend to be talented...
But I am a failure at heart
I am a failure to myself
For if I were anyone else
I would be so much more perfect
By just being real
For real things are worth it.

I procrastinate quite often.
Even now as my fingers slide across the mosaic keys, my body is procrastinating
Yet my mind and my concience is begging for my undivided attention.
I will never understand the science behind such a mindless act.
Why is it that I draw my focus away from the things that matter
And then concentrate on the things that do not?
Like the bent corners of my paper
The lid that grips loyally to the end of my pen
The spiraling spine of my notebook...
All the little and insignificant things that
do not matter.
Oh how so sadly ironic,
That even such a mindless act can hold some truths about my life
And how I tend to mindlessly focus on things that just
Do not matter.

They say sticks and stones
Have the strength to break my bones
But words break my heart.

The concept of 'Y.O.L.O.' is stupid.
"You only live once," Society claims.
Yet, they instantly use this concept as their motivation to do something
Outrageous
Reckless
Stupid
Something so rare and precious as a life is not worth any
Thrill seeker
Adrenaline rush
Rebellious triumph
If you ever have something once, would you not strive to
Protect it
Treasure it
Savour it?

The concept of 'Y.O.L.O.' is stupid,
For the people that use it do not know how to
Treasure the one thing they have control over.

I once met a girl who loved words.
She spoke the words from her heart, words that somehow managed to inspire everyone
Words that somehow managed to inspire me.
But when she was hurting, words escaped her.
She became wordless
Noiseless
Silent.
It pained me to see her so lost for words
For when she was so, she lost her
personality
Her individuality
Herself.
I once met a girl who loved words
I would love to meet her again... but I think she is lost once more.

Hope
It is a battle between the head and the heart
It is ignorant to reality
It pries on our fantasies

Hope
It is being confident in something ambiguous
It is putting everything on the line
For a maybe
A what if
A perhaps...

Hope
It is both assuring
And deluding
Satisfying
And starving.

Hope*
It is a battle between the head and the heart
But the *heart must always win.

This smile on my face
Feels so out of place
However, I know that this time
It is definitely not fake.

It is real.

Because you put it there.
You stuck it on when you gazed into my eyes
When you reassured me that
Everything will be alright.
And they will, oh they certainly will
Because I have you
*By my side

I saw my mum cry
once
Young I was, but I was smart enough to know that things were not right.
She wept through her fingers and tried to catch the mayhem of tears balling from her eyes
Her soft whimpers seeped through the silence of her room and whispered in my ears
She hid within the shadows of her bed, oblivious to the fact that I was watching
That I, a seven year old little girl, was watching by her door with ineffable confusion and angst

Till this day
She remains unaware that she was being watched that very night
And till this day
I remain forever aware that my mother;
My beautiful, loving and strong mother
Carries a broken heart filled with broken dreams
Every single day.

To be or not to be, that is the question
To be infuriated at the questions or to mask the hurt you are feeling
To be disappointed in your lost or to be grateful for your dealings
To be anxious about tomorrow or to savour the peaceful minutes of today
To be happy if, after all that has happened, he miraculously chooses to stay

"The world's greatest daughter, forever and always."
That was what you used to call me.
You said it with
Such pride
Such happiness
Such confidence
You used to carry me on your shoulders as we were enveloped by my wild laughter
I was proud, I was happy, and a was confident at the fact that I was in fact
The world's greatest and luckiest daughter
And yet, three years later, to the other side of the country you ran
Not a single letter
Not a single text message
Not a single call
Nothing.
Because that's what I am to you now... right?
Nothing.
And I will, forever and always, be nothing to you.

There's nothing like the feeling of
Holding your hand
That heart racing moment when our fingers interlock
And your thumb soothingly caresses my own
And we sit there
In comfortable silence
Letting our minds wonder while our hands *never let go

The colour of your eyes are brown
A boring, uninteresting shade of brown
I do not drown in your eyes
I do not become mesmerized
But
I can see
The love
The passion
The intensity
Of your character
Through those eyes that may not draw attention to anyone at first
Eyes that are not the rare shade of blue or emerald
But
When your smile is witnessed
Your genuine
Sincere
And utterly attractive smile
They will understand your eyes
Like I do.