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Ashley Sep 2013
sometimes
when i'm feeling low and i can't
speak, you look at me.
it is not an earth shattering,
heaven quaking, explosion
when you do. but it is
the way you are
attentive
and how you seem to care
that makes me feel
as though i am
important.
Ashley Sep 2013
it is 3:42 and i can't
stop
thinking of you

i don't know your name, or
what comforts you when you are sad
i am unaware if you like my favorite books
or if, when reading them,
would understand
what i am trying to say;
not in so many words,
but between the lines
and trapped in the connotations
of phrases i've loved
for all of my awareness.

your dreams are a mystery;
someday, i will pull them
from your mind
in between the meeting of our
lips
and then we will explore them,
make them reality and truth
and maybe yours
might line up with mine
and we will claim
the world, like it has been
reborn; ours for the taking;
new.

i am not aware of
where you most desire
to be
is it by the sea or
in the middle of rome,
your hands rooted
deep into history,
learning from the ghosts
haunting each corner of
every street.

nor do i know if you care
that i react to obvious twists,
or shocks that feel
like the greatest earthquake,
shaking my core and
the ground beneath my feet
and does it make you laugh when
i yell at people in horror movies?
does it seem sweet that
i speak to my pets
as though they are people,
as though they understand?
will you smile,
fond and sweet,
when i tell you the story
of my first time to new york,
for the one thousandth time,
of how i saw potential,
and life,
and everything that
i wanted to
be?

i try to picture you but
all i can see is a
white,
blank canvas
too far away to see the dots that
connect to form
you.

hopefully, maybe,
when the fates entangled our futures
and we are finally
****** together, we'll
fit
into each other
perfectly.
Ashley Sep 2013
beside you
breathing you in
watching you from under curtains;
curtains of feathery black.

cologne and heat and dryer sheets,
a scent more like home than my home,
your lips quirk
and your eyes widen
and my heart
skips.

you speak
and i am lost
in your voice,
in the melody that you sing.
you shine; i fade.

you pause, and now
i have observed quietly for too long.
my eyes drop back to
the bitten nubs of my fingernails,
and you continue speaking.

i pull every word from your lips,
twist them,
tuck them into my brain
for another time
when i can imagine the sweet things you could
say.

but these words,
they are not meant for me
my mind wanders,
and my heart misses some beats
one,
two,
and i find myself helpless
watching you, just out of sigh
so close yet so terribly far
unattainable.

i am gasping for air when
you smile -
sudden and fleeting -
my heart skips, once more
then
nothing.

i lock the words away again,
the ones hanging precariously
at the tip
of my tongue
as some things are better left
unsaid.
Ashley Sep 2013
drowning;
i'm drowning.

pools of blue
cast their spell
and then i'm
floating.

defying gravity,
breathing you in -
captivating,
hypnotizing,
teasing.

one world flolats in
those two pools of blue.
Ashley Sep 2013
i am craving your touch,
gentle as silk, drifting across
hidden crevices and valleys,
unearthing my follies and defects.

i want your laugh, languid and airy
as you huff it against my skin,
erupting goosebumps -
as though they are volcanoes -
in its wake.

i need to feel your love,
need to be scorched by the dry brushfires
your lips create
when they are pressed against
mine.

i am desperate for your breath,
in quiet exhales of sleep and laughter and desire;
desperate for you to inhale the toxic fumes
of old books and shared
oxygen.

there is a physical need
to have you near,
orbiting around me
as a steady constant,
much like the Sun;
never fading or disappearing
unless it is for the quiet echoes
of the night.

i wish that you words
could be sewn
into a tapestry of wisdom,
a blanket of both security
and inadequacy,
a reminder that words can never be
enough
to describe how you shake me
and leave cracks and indelible stains,
or the fragments of yourself that are
embedded
in my skin, soul,
and mind.

i am aching for you,
so delicate yet so whole,
both sure and uncertain;
a comforting enigma that requires
a lifetime
to unravel.

there is an ache,
rooted deep in my soul,
that can only be quenched
by you.
Ashley Sep 2013
you smile in my direction and
my heart
skips
orbits have changed course,
empires fallen,
centuries passed
since you last smiled
so familiar.
warm and welcoming
waves crashing calmly against
marbled sand,
teaching my heart to beat however you direct
i am yours
a slave to love
but you are still
blinded
and oceans away
too far to
reach.
Ashley Sep 2013
so close yet so far
minuscule in my mind until
suddenly
there.

looming over me and
overshadowing my insignificance;
coloring it dark with your smile,
larger than life
itself.

as you move,
i breathe -
now, i am
whole.
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