Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.

We sit on your porch in silence.
You take a drag.
I take a drag.
You blow the smoke in my face.
I smile.
"How do you feel about the L word?"
I stare back at you.
"I'm madly in it with you."
I smile.
You smile.
I take a drag.
You take a drag.
We sit on your porch in silence.

If I promise to fall asleep fast tonight
And wake up early tomorrow,
Will you promise not to be in my dreams?

William Shakespeare said "When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew," and this happens to us every morning.

I put my lips to your chest, so I know what your breath feels like.

So when I mason jar my lungs and tell you to take it somewhere I have never been, somewhere far, far away, and you open it up in Utah, I'll recognize the whisper of "I love you" under the 2000 miles it traveled back to me.

And I'll wish it was you, so I could hold you into my arms and sink you into my lungs.

"Love," I'll say, *"Keep the jar. You'll need it every time I look at you."

I see you in window panes.
Breath spreading from one corner to the next during a cold fall day.
This is the happiest moment.
And yet, it's never happened...

The fish hooks attached to my ears, leading to you.
A smile passes as I listen to the words they hang off of.
This is the happiest moment.
And yet, it's never happened...

A dress, stitched to my skin, hangs off the curves like water on Niagara Falls.
It's white crest spilling like nature and man wanted it to.
This is the happiest moment.
And yet, it's never happened...

I can only dream of this.
Because it has only been 5 months, since I held you so close to me that our first moment still hangs on my neck, still warm.
And it's not really socially acceptable to be handing over your past, present, and future to someone you met over the internet after only 5 months.
But it seems like a lifetime. Because I knew in the first hour in that car, driving from the airport, that I wanted my life to be spread over yours. Like PB&J; spread over our childhoods in a thick, gooey layer that is in the bottom of your stomach and the top of your mouth making it harder to talk about the times when all you had was Lego and hands.

I knew I wanted 2 things in life from then on.
1) To wake up ever morning with the smell of good coffee and good kisses
2) For you to be my barista.
Here's a tip, you look so good in white.

So let's wait a little longer till I can ask you for that ring in your pocket.
Till you take me to a fancy restaurant, where I put on that confidence you built up for me and you wear that shirt I bought you for our 5 month anniversary.
You have planned all this out. Until you realize I have been waiting since the airport for this question and a plan was never needed.

I can take the waiting.

It will be the happiest moment,
And it will happen soon.

Red is too fire,
Orange too bright,
Yellow too dire,
Green is too light.

Blue is too tame,
Indigo's silly,
Violet's a name,
Pink is too frilly.

Those are the reasons
(I've been keeping track)
It changes like seasons,
Now black's the new black.

There is a softness in the air
a drowsy languidness
that asks for warmth and comfort
and a bowl of hot soup
nostalgia melts like butter
deliciously tempting
the scent rises
and masks any tinge of regret
as the wind caresses
and plays with my hair
it is as if time has slowed
and twisted itself
into a sleeping
figure of eight

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
   01.10.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish