As I sit here with my toes
buried in the sand,
I stare out at the vast ocean
that lies before me.
The reflection I see is
one of the person I now am.

The reflection that gazes back at me
is one whose eyes are filled
with emptiness and sorrow.
A reflection lacking
any sign of joy or happiness,
for the once present smile
has been erased like
chalk on a chalkboard,
replaced with a frown, instead.

This reflection seems as dark
as the water in the distance.
But, with the approaching sunset,
the rays of the sun
shine a different light,
making the water appear golden,
sparkling as if given a new life.
In this, I see a new reflection,
a second chance,
a real purpose and
meaning in this world.
It reminds me of how
precious life truly is -
to never take life for granted,
to never give up hope.

As the water before
me grows quieter,
with the setting of the sun,
my fears also diminish.
I recognize that the reflection,
now staring back at me,
is the person that
I need to become.
This reflection is my future
as it is meant,
and destined, to be.

Vicki A. Zinn
2009

I have often felt
I was to never have
any real purpose until I met you.
No other real purpose
than to go through each day,
repeating the same motions,
as the prior days, months, years.
Never to feel, nor embrace,
the excitement
of falling in love again -
knowing that the other person
is ready, and willing,
to make many lasting memories
together with me, forever.

When you were
brought into my life,
I once again felt happy,
and relieved,
that finally I had
found the last piece -
the last piece of my puzzle
that has eluded me for so long.
The piece that has
often times been so close,
yet so far away;
the piece that I
so have longed for,
to make my puzzle complete.

This piece that you
presented me with,
was not the final piece,
as I had wished for.
Instead, it was the piece
that showed me that happiness
can happen in many
different ways.
It gave me a new outlook,
which I so desperately needed.
For this, which you have given me,
I will always deeply treasure.  

This piece that I still search for,
will one day find me,
when I least expect it.
Maybe instead of searching,
but instead waiting,
is when I will have
what I have always desired.
The last piece of my puzzle -
the one that will fit perfectly;
the same piece that will
finally make my
picture worth framing.

Vicki A. Zinn
2009

Days seem to pass ever so slowly,
with no beginning, nor end;
constantly lost in my own pain,
with no direction, no guidance,
no happy ending in sight.
Nothing to look forward to,
that I may cherish as my own.

Just knowing in my core,
that I must try to find
a new beginning -
one that does not include
you as my lover,
my confidant,
and most importantly,
my best friend.  

With this acknowledgement,
I am deeply saddened,
because my heart wants,
and desires, you more than ever.
My heart yearns for you
to know everything
that one needs to know about me;
wanting to share the rest of our days
growing old together.  

Saying our final goodbyes
to each other
has now become necessary
to put the pain of
our demise behind me.
Now more than ever,
I realize this new beginning
is a way for me
to embrace the days
that lie before me.

Days filled with hope, and joy,
instead of the pain, and sadness,
that always awaited me.  
Knowing that I am needed,
and wanted, by others,
will be the new beginning
that allows me
to become the person
I used to be -
one that gives me faith
that all that has happened,
was a way to show me that
much better things
lie in wait for me.  

Vicki A. Zinn
2009

It is believed that someone
enters your life
for a reason, a season,
or a lifetime.
You came into mine
for a reason -
a reason to show me
that life does move on,
even after all of the pain,
and disappointment,
has now brought me
to my lowest point.

Your presence lifted my spirit;
it gave me a reason
to believe in myself,
to believe in you,
to believe in us.
You gave me a reason
to smile again;
a reason to hope
that, finally, the void
I was feeling was now filled.
All of this you
brought to me
in such a very short
period of time.

Now that you're gone,
I want to thank you
for the biggest reason of all;
you helped to relight
a fire, from mere ashes,
that had burnt
out some time ago.
For this reason alone,
I will always be grateful.

Vicki A. Zinn  
2008

Thoughts of you
swirl in my mind,
and remain stagnant in my heart.
Oh, how they haunt me so.
There are so many words
left unsaid by me;
words that may
never reach your ears.

These words would bring
to me much needed solace.
Simply said, they would dissipate
the shadow that
follows me everywhere;
this same dark shadow that makes me
question every step I have made,
and every step I am about to make.

My words left unsaid
will remain as such,
as time is needed
to heal the loss I now feel,
before I can face you and say,
word by word, what I feel -
what I will always feel.
“I love you, I miss you,
and I need you.
I want you in my life.
I am sorry for my indiscretions.”

When these words
have finally been said,
I hope, we both find comfort
in knowing that as your friend,
I will always be there,
wishing you well and
hoping that life fulfills you.

Vicki A. Zinn
2008

As I sit here alone,
thoughts of you fill my head.
I go over and over
what you meant to me,
what you still mean to me.
You touched my heart,
like no one before.
Our memories totally surround me,
with every waking moment -
they are the last things I feel
before I retire at night.
Dreams of you weigh
on my mind and wake me.
This is when I miss you the most.

Our lives are on different paths now.
You are taking time
to figure out what you truly want,
even though I already know,
but have no control over it.
My wants rest in your hands.
So, I tread forward,
pretending that all is well,
while inside, I feel like I am dying
without your love -
your love that supported me;
your love that sustained me.
your love that completed me.
Now, I am lost without it.

You have asked
if we can still be friends?
I knew this would be
hard for me to do,
even after all of the hurt.
So, I took some time
to mend my heart,
and I learned  to forgive you -
with open arms
I welcomed you back.

Things are going well,
however, I remain so guarded.
I know that I must be this way,
so as not to be misled.
You tell me that you understand.
Yet, truly, do you realize
that I have given you one last chance -
one last chance to remain a part of my life?
This is all I can afford to give you anymore.

I am trying to move forward each day,
by taking small steps,
instead of one giant leap.
Sometimes I feel like
I am making progress;
other times, I feel like I am failing.
Time is all I have during my transition.
One day, all wounds shall be healed.

Time will tell what becomes of us.
One thing I know for certain is,
even though I am moving forward,
you will always feel
my spirit close by -
this same spirit
that will always care for you
and wish you well.

Vicki A Zinn
2008

I remember the first time I met you;
we looked into each other's eyes
and were mesmerized.
I remember the first time we danced;
you held me tight and kissed my lips.
I remember our many hours of sitting,
hand and hand on the couch,
and how I would just stare at you.

I remember the first time you said,
‘I love you’,
on the night that all celebrate
the coming of a New Year.
With our thoughts intertwined,
I remember how we could
finish each other’s sentences
and how we would laugh
at each other's jokes.
I remember most how we
could make each other smile.
I finally believed I had found
the one to complement me.

I remember how you would sing to me;
it would make me feel  so heavenly.
My heart would beat so quickly
each time I heard your voice.
I remember our long conversations,
about life and love,
and how much it meant to us.
You told me that I
was everything you ever wanted.
I remember our dreams
of living together
as one happy family.
The vision we longed so much for.
I remember most,
how much you once adored me
and could not get enough of me.
I finally believed I had found
the eternal love to complete me.

I remember how I truly felt
you were my soul mate;
that a higher power
brought us together for a reason.
I remember how I stood beside you,
through the good times and the bad -
you knew you could
always depend on me.
I remember,
at your weakest moment,
I pulled you through -
you knew that I
would never turn you away.
I remember most, how you said,
I was the reason you
were the man you had become.
I no longer know what to believe.

But for now, I am filled
with grief of our memories,
which consume my thoughts,
and flood my heart.
I ask myself,
“What was so wrong with us
that you chose to end things the way you did?”
I am so lost, and oh so lonely,
since the day you said goodbye.
I wonder if one day
the different paths we are now following
will ever meet again?

I am now left to pick up
the pieces of my life,
while you seem to not have
a worry in the world.
You say that you still love me,
yet, you want to be free.
I know that I still love you,
and wish we could go back
to the way we once were, together.
With time, do you think
you could feel the same?
Is it truly possible
after all of the hurt caused?

I still believe
we made the perfect couple.
We truly were happy, at one time.
Just know that I remember,
I will always remember.

Vicki A. Zinn
2008