I wear these rose tinted shades to hide the despondent futility of humanity behind these cold and blackened eyes.

The shirt and socks and shoes and noose I dress myself, they reflect the lies I tell to get me through this day.

The wax in my hair and the razor blade I trim away the every thought and need to pursue my goal of happiness and greed.

There’s a sickness in my mind, I can taste it in my mouth. I sweat it out of every pore and every tear I shed and every blasted second that I bleed.



This makeup, this facade, the tattoos that I ink myself each and every day, they’re nothing but a brave face.

The forced smile I wear each morning, in the mirror it mocks me and puts me in my place.

The coffee on a drip when the ***** runs out, it barely keeps me alive, hardly helps me keep the pace in this godforsaken rat race.

The ******* clock, I hear it laughing, and with each passing second I feel a little more dead inside. This life of mine will vanish, vanish without a trace.



For all the beauty in the world, I rarely find the one.  The one sweet moment where I can be myself.

A pound of flesh is quickly spent and lost, unremembered, gone.

Immemorial my time on Earth and tenuous my grasp on life.

Each and and every day I wake behind these cold, bruised and bloodshot eyes.





I wear these dark glasses to block out the sun, to hang that veil between me and everyone.

I wear these headphones to **** the sound of everyone around.

I wear this armour to stay alive, to keep my peace of my in check.

There is no other way to keep myself from being me and doing what I always do best

A living train wreck.





I pretend that I am better, smarter, quicker, faster.

And from time to time they believe my bluster.

But I’ve not quite yet convinced myself

That I am all I appear to be.





The mirror in the morning, right after the alarm.

The seconds before I’m quite awake.

The disguise I wear, put on, that let me know I’m fake.





I wear those rose tinted shades, I force myself to laugh.

To hide the ragged futility that sums up my life.

There’s a sickness in my life, a toxic radiation.

A fallout at my nuclear core.

A despairing aftermath.

It always felt the same

The love you had for me

Was always going to be the long game



It never felt the same again

The last time we touched

It ripped apart my heart again

The last time that we touched



Have I ever really left you?

The life we built and all the fun and games

The history we’ve burned and always try, forget,

We won’t want to live this lie

Again



Imagine all that rain

Imagine all that rain

The downpour soaking in

A life lived like like a love lost but every day all over again



It never felt a different way

Sky’s bruised like the eye I picked up

Keeping you away from that reprobate on the train



We found it funny at the time

At the expense of another’s dime,

Tragedy recurring when all our long held love

And loss are lightly balanced in time



It was always different, wasn’t it?

All the love that took the stage,

Each and every moment that became,

Each and every moment that came from this



Each and every second that we breathe

And second guessed

Is another night

We have not yet ill-conceived



It always felt the same

It never felt the same



You ripped apart my heart again

All the life I ever wanted

Torn into tourniquets

And will never be the ****** same



Go to sleep, stay awake



What difference does it really make

I love you now but not forever



Once again it always felt the same

Imagine all that rain

Imagine all that rain

All the life I might have wanted



You ripped apart my heart again



It never really felt the the same

You leave me over, over, over, and

My love, I’ll never feel this way again

Forget the fleeting sideways glance
Forget that kiss, the stars, our dance
Forget the fact we fell together
Forget the very moment we began to fall apart
Remember nothing but that very moment at the start

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

I'll be sad to see you go and I'll forget
I'll forget the way you made me laugh and all the times I caught your smile, forgotten.
I'll be glad to see the back of you,
Out of sight and out of mind,
Forget the day we first held hands
Every moment shared we've left behind

Close your eyes and don't remember the log fire and lightning last November
When all we had was us and wine
Not a shred of decency, lost in time

Forget the fleeting sideways glance
Forget that kiss, the stars, our dance
Forget the fact we fell together
Forget the very moment we began to fall apart
Remember nothing but that very moment at the start

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

The picture of our friends together,
The scarf you left in better weather,
Happy once and never better
*******

Forget me love, forgive me not
Forget you ever met me, I've forgotten you
I've forgotten you

Forget the fleeting sideways glance
Forget that kiss, the stars, our dance
Forget the fact we fell together
Forget the very moment we began to fall apart
Remember nothing but that very moment at the start

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

It's the only day I've ever loved and lost

So forget the fleeting sideways glance
Forget that kiss, the stars, our dance
Forget the fact we fell together
Forget the very moment we began to fall apart
Remember nothing but that very moment at the start

Because it's the only day I've ever loved and lost

It made me nervous, laugh, and I’m so very sorry,
That day you told me enough was enough
The tears rolled down my face and you were cold and as you called time of death
That was when I felt the last warm beat of life as I knew it, drew icy breath

Paint a thought for me, a world where everything is right
Describe for me, each and every time I could be better
Teach me all the things I wish I could have known
Let’s pretend I can learn and live life to the ******* letter

It left me floating in my mind, the empty life I’d left behind
Heart pummeling at 30,000 miles an hour
And all I could love was sky
The minute you said goodbye
There were kinder quicker ways for me to die

I hate goodbye, it burns a bridge, and **** the whole world and all it thinks
But you were the centre of the world
If nothing else then raise that girl and teach her not to hide
I want my girl to know exactly when to fight
If only I could show her how to ruin lives so she won’t

Being late is bad enough but being gone is a life you can’t recover
Going missing is unfair and unforgivable, yet, there
Still on the horizon, like the setting blood red sun
Is the unmistakable parent, the one that doesn’t need a gun

Calm and cool and to collect my child is the only thing worthwhile
For to see her happy with me, to see her smile
Is worth a thousand memories and each and every one I’d trade
To make amends for all the past mistakes I made

Come with me, take my hand
I know it’s cold but lose the gloves for every second
Every minute I feel your warmth is another
Lifetime before I have to land

Give me your hand, you can take my coat
Anything to keep you here with me tonight
What can I share that you don’t know
A thing that will make you love me so
I never have to spend another beat alone

Take my heart and please, my time
Remind me why I want to feel that pain
The emotion that doesn’t feel like mine
I know it’s cold but sweetheart take my hand

I can’t feel my fingers love, can’t even use my phone
Have you ever been so cold and frozen
That the very core of you is numb?
Warm my hand, won’t you, before this night is done
I’ll freeze to death alone

Grab my arm and we can walk, and walk til close to midnight
Because once that minute hand goes up
We’ll lose each and every second we ever had
Take my hand before we have to face daylight

Hold me close with arms around me
Keep away that winter’s bite
Cos if you let go of my hand
If you let go of my hand
Don’t let go of my hand
I can’t be alone at night

I’ll know true love when I see it, or
The Sole Mate I’m meant to have
Because they won’t tell me to *******
As soon as I open this mouth

I love that line in Vanilla Sky
‘I’ll see you in another life
when we are both cats’
Because it makes me feel as if,
in other futures,
It worked out well between us.

Have you thought as much as me,
About what could have been?
A landscape painted differently
To the one that we now see

A twitch in time is all it takes
To burn or build a life
To go gently into that good
And unforgiving night

To sit and smile without a care
And watch the dying of the light

To be content while sat in blood
And sweat and tears of seven years
And all the time we can pretend
That our feet aren’t getting wet

To feel a sadness that is yours, the fears as well, alone
And have to push it down;
A tragedy, and anguish, the pain; they never really leave
A knowledge that the life once wished for
Will never be the same

Give me back my ******* wish
A million things I could have done with it
But no, you’re right
I’d only waste it anyway;
Just this time not on you

I’ll know true love, when I see it
The soul mate that I’m meant to have
Because they won’t tell me to *******
As soon as I open my ******* mouth

That other scene, where David gets in Julie’s car
Imagine a whole seven years of that
“You just never seem to be there for your friends
Until they’ve given up on you”

A few well placed words wear away at all but the strongest man
As water ‘rodes both glacier, canyon, yet nothing,
NOTHING will ever be so cutting
As the last words you ever said, right before you left.


Instead of living life again,
I wouldn’t do it different
I’d try to find that twitch in time
I’d want to know where our divide began

I don’t know true love when I see it
The very idea, a soul mate, ha!
So I’ll tell myself to go
And maybe one day you will know
Maybe one day you will know
Maybe one day you will know

Maybe one day I will know
The depths of what it means to feel
As though the world has left me
All alone

You saw me see you across the room
Now my hands are sweaty, heart is shaking
And I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do

In my mind a thousand scenes play out
In every one I do the thing wrong
And for once I’m glad to see you swallowed by the crowd.

In that second that you’re gone the loss is overwhelming
A greater fear I’d never held but yours I’d hold until…

That second is eternity, can’t remember if my hearts still beating
Frozen in that lifetime since you’re gone


I ask around, was it just me?  Have I slipped into a perfect moment?
Or is my mind up to the same old tricks
And promising another night of torment

I can wait, though, pretend I was mistaken
I hadn’t really seen the face of an angel
I hadn’t thought about our life together, twenty years away

The children that we might have had, well, they all begin to fade.

But I can’t stop searching, nor will I ever
If I leave or look away and what if we were meant to be together

So I’ll sit here waiting til my heart begins to ache.

And there you are, I see you there
Chatting to that guy, I see
So our moment wasn’t good enough?
You don’t think I’m worthy of your love

Then I’ll leave, come on, mate, it’s time to go
We were dreaming thinking tonight would be good
What idiots we are, picking up in a bar
Who does that anymore?

Next pub it is then, this one is sour
**** heads aping on the dance floor
Feet sticking, the air is sweating
And all I talk about is her

I saw her across the room, you know
We had a real connection
It’s a shame, isn’t it, mate, in real life
It’s impossible to find affection

I’m drunk, my friend, and that girl
Where is she now?
If she were here, that girl
Where you at mate?  
I’m going home

But... it would be a shame, wouldn't it.  
If we get along, to have to sweep it all away
As if it never really mattered

The one thing in this world i can't have, it's regret
And if all it is, a futile friendship,
Who are we to throw it away like yesterday’s used heartbeat

See, I rarely connect, the majority are dumb and most are *******
You took me by surprise and just so happened to be packaged in an attractive box.  
Doesn't mean we can't still go to the movies,
Doesn't mean we have to hurt anyone's feelings

And this is not a play, I promise you,
Didn’t we talk the night away, wasn’t it obvious
If, after that, you realize we aren't as cool as you thought we’d be
Then we can vanish this whole affair

Just, please

Never say no to nothing (unless it's going to get you nixed)
And even then, choose your danger instead of blowing out this fire

I saw you see me across the room
My mouth is dry and I can’t find the words
And I still have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do
Other than never say hello to you

Have you ever had that dream where you wake up and it’s gone?
No matter how much you want it back
You close your eyes again but all the thoughts now in your mind
Are every waking moment you have but have always done wrong.

That waking dream, a passenger, on downing plane or boat
No matter how much you always try
You’ll never change the course again and surely you will die
It’s written in your thoughts, you KNOW, that you will never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER FLOAT

Sit up quickly, look around and there’s no one in the room
We’re sweating now and we need water, comfort from someone
But that dreaded feeling, all alone, that moment of suspense
A glimmer of relief we realize we’re the only ones afforded all this nightmarish doom and gloom we’ve brought upon ourselves.

I didn’t want an easy ride, even in the other world
I’m less inclined to suicide than maybe I once was
But sober and I shut my eyes and time keeps rolling back
To once upon a time again my path, unchosen, and my universe unknown

The morning sweats at 4PM, the world is in full song
The sunlight burning through the curtains
Quick reminders of where life went wrong,
The days and nights, they always seem to run a lifetime far too long

Ever had that dream before, where you’re running through that glue
A sense of person that you know and that shadow is not really you
Escaping something you don’t quite fear
But in your heart your frozen
That shiver down your spine,
That shiver down your spine,
That shiver rocks you to your very core and everything you knew

Displaces you in time and space and all that you believe
Everything you comprehend it blows away, and turns into your grief,
Locked away inside yourself and throw away the key
The final question left to ask is what the **** just happened
And was it always meant to happen purely just to me