A* is for *all the times you laughed at me
B is for all the ***** you threw
C is for never caring
D is for me drowning in my tears
E is for every word you said
F is for me faking a smile again and again
G is for never letting my guard down
H is for hating myself
I is for I want to die
J is for "don't take a joke so seriously"
K is for killing my skin
L is for her leaving me
M is for losing myself
N is "never again"
O is for me being "over-dramatic"
P is for picking up the pieces
Q is for quitting on myself
R is for regret
S is for suicide
T is for taking my own life
U is for the universe doesn't care
V is for me being a victim
W is for words can break me
X marks where my grave is
Y is for yearning for something better
Z is for the end of my story

Shaking hands will never do
Keep your eyes peeled for the next disease
A slip up will change your life

There is no cure for heartbreak
No love left for the lost soul
Wondering how they will live
If their lover dies
And you the surgeon
Cannot sugarcoat
Cannot attempt to make things better
All you can do is hold your head high
Take the tears and the blows with grace
And remember to smile next time you save someone
Because of you they can see better days

The day they married marked the end of an era
But the beginning of something better
They were more in love then anyone could be
Until a girl with bigger **** came his way
And a man who didn't leave his towels on the floor came hers
And so they did what a lustful couple will do
They ****** someone other than their significant lover
And they thought they had pulled a fast one of each other
But the truth is much worse
For both woman
The wife
The one-night mistress
Glowed the way a pregnant woman should
And when the honeymoon was over
The dilemma was clear
There were two kids to feed that weren't even truly theirs
And a guilty conscious for them both
And that,my friends,was their downfall

Alienate the heart wound in gold
A damaged soul knows no bounds
I'm running full speed towards a wall of bricks
No breaks left in me
I'm all out of time
Luck is never on my side
I'm forging my death certificate
No one can know I'm alive
No one can know that I sit in a room
And stare
And wonder
About the beauty
And the destruction
Of it all

He holds me close
As the flames capture our legs
I should be scared but all I feel
Is the love for you
You call me your bluebird
I call you the flame
I sing for you
You burn everything to the ground
And we feel **alive

The day the world stood still
I stood still with it
The sirens pumped their noise into my ears
But i couldn't hear it
I couldn't even hear my own scream, a breathy sob of your name

Someone tried to hold me
Whispering comforting words
But the whispers sounded like needless sympathy
The people that gathered near
Trying to whisper to me
Don't know you
They don't know that when you died
The world stood still
And I stood still with it

I lay to sleep
And try to count sheep
But all I do is weep
Because you are not mine to keep

What does a young child know
Of hatred
When all he knows is love
How can he tell the difference
Between false sweetness that stains the teeth
And true sweetness that never fades from the heart

How can a young child understand
That the mans bulge in his pants
Is not candy
He is not safety
And he will destroy whatever innocence is left

I exist
You can choose to ignore
To hate
To renounce my existence
But I am here
I am real
I am me
And you cannot take that *away

Because the way her eyes shine is now becoming your only source of light and the way her hand feels in yours is the only source of comfort you've known. The way you hold her is becoming your religion,you only have faith in her,and the way her eyes s h i n e. The color of her eyes is becoming the ocean you want to drown in and the way her hair falls in her face makes you almost fall in love. Almost.


2. Because when she shows up at your house at 3 A.M.,crying her eyes away you hold her and tell her to stay strong because you are here and she is more than the words leaving their mouths. The salty taste that lingers between you two after the first kiss is giving you a feeling more than happiness. A bliss you've never known has captured your soul.The shock and adoration in her smile is making this moment become a snapshot,a memento that you keep close to your heart. The way her pain becomes your pain until both of you are hurting and loving because this moment,her eyes, are telling you this is p e r m a n e n t and you almost save her. Almost.


3. Because when she leaves,in the worst way possible,you wonder if her eyes are still shining in Heaven and you hope she isn't in Hell, despite what they say. "Its a sin." is the whisper that flows through the funeral and you cry her a grave made of everything beautiful in the world. The light is gone from your eyes now,they have been since you heard the words,kindly given,but with malicious intent hidden under their throats. "She killed herself." The world is spinning and everyone needs to be quiet, everyone needs to stop saying she is dead because she isn't. She lives in your memory,and yours alone and this pain in your chest is making it hard to breathe and you wish you were d e a d and you almost go too. Almost.

4.Because even now,twenty years later,you no longer hurt. You have a family now. Adoring kids and a wife who's eyes shine so b r i g h t. But every year,on her death day,you still pull out her picture and you smile with her smile and remember the days when she made everything big feel small. And you almost miss her. **A L M O S T

I feel it in my chest
With you it's been the best
But now I must lay my head to rest
And slow my breathing

You are so sweet
You passerby
But there is more to me
Than what meets the eye

A visitor to my cage
You look at me with awe
But you do not see the truth
You did not see the rise and fall

I am an animal
And you gawk at me
Through the bars
To you I am a star

You are a happy visitor
I am a tortured beast
You do not see what happens when the lights turn off
You cannot know what I need

I need freedom to see
The truth of this world
I want to be free
Please leave me be

I watch you while you sleep
You are so peaceful
Oh I am ready to take this leap
I am ready to show you off to the people

You hold my small desires
You hold my hand
As I walk on a wire
You are my safe place to land

I wish to fly with broken wings
And take whatever the sun brings
But I am too desperate,too afraid
I do not hear you call my name

I want to lose all sense of air
And twirl my fingers in your hair
But the world will never let us be
So please
Oh please
*Fly away with me

It's the screech of tires
As the world descends into fire
And you conspire
To take my life away

You live so desperately
Act as if I am your destiny
**But I am not the girl you want me to be