I'm not as fortunate as them
I'm not as privileged.
While they grew and followed the natural course of human experience,
I seem to have been left behind.
Unnoticed, unseen,
Shivering alone in the cold.
They are understood, kissed, warmly held
While I haven't been able to shake this empty space the size of Jupiter
This constant reminder of the love I do not receive
But desperately,
Ferociously crave.
I wonder if they recognize their fortune.
I want to ask, Do you see the ineffable beauty and rarity in the the love you carelessly enjoy, the love some of us have been simply
waiting for
Restlessly
Like a washed out commuter
waiting for the bus
Whose driver must have gotten lost?
But they wouldn't have the capacity
To see
Or appreciate it the way I do.
The way I would
If I had what they had.
If I had someone, anyone.

I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm so tired.
It's a violent tiredness
That pulls my whole body
Toward the center of the earth
With such complete force
That I can't even take my jacket off.
I go to bed earlier, thinking I'll get more sleep
And I'll feel better.
But my body treats me poorly.
I wake up feeling even more shaky and drained
And weak
Than the day before.
I get less sleep, thinking oversleeping may have been the problem.
By midday I'm swimming in my own lethargy
Drowning in this lack of energy
Absorbed in this painful fight to stay awake.
I do everything right
But my body ignores me.
Every day is the same.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired.

No, don't say that
You don't get to say you're "sad"
I know all suffering is valid
No matter the magnitude
HOWEVER--
Don't you ******* pretend like you KNOW
Like you ******* know anything about how empty
Life can be.
Like you feel anything as close to how empty I feel every single day
What's it's like to live your life on the verge of tears
Aching on that precipice
Holding that urge to cry just beneath the surface of you, constantly.
You can't honestly think anyone can take you seriously
When you sit there in your comfortable, uncomplicated life
Having everything I ever wished for
Having everything you and I know I'll never have
And pretend like you feel an emotion like despair.
Look at you, surrounded,
******* inundated with family and friends and a boyfriend who all love you,
They love you ******* it
Do you even know?
Do you know what it's like to go home
To an empty room
To an empty heart?
You don't know, you'll never know,
You'll never have to feel as lost and invisible and ******* broken as some of us
So you need to learn to be more ******* precise
With your language.