I am completely in love with this human being in front of me.
He gives me all the love in the world.

He believes in the future that I believe for myself,
and he motivates me to want the best for myself.

I can look at this man and melt.
My mind starts to freeze every single little thought except one.

I love you.

And I will love him for all I can and for the rest of my life.

And this scares me.

To look at someone and see everything in them.
To feel completely vulnerable and lost in him.
To believe that I am safe with him.

I know I love him.

I fear that this love will end up nowhere...
that it will cease to grow one day,
and that I did not realize I was placed in a jar to slowly die
as he watches me
and as I believe that I love him for picking me.

I fear.

Now

I wrote a poem for you.

For the mistake that I made... with you, of course.

But somehow, that poem disappeared.

But some fragments I think I remember.
But I have to tilt my head to one side... as if the memories could pour out of my ears.

I just remember the loneliness the morning after,
even though you stayed asleep.

I did not even say good bye...





But you didn't even care.
Your eyes just stayed closed
as you heard the movement of my toes lightly kissing the floor.

Good bye.

I feel like yesterday,
I had seen you.
I had recognized
The curve of your lips.
The arch of your back.
The broad of your shoulders.

I think it was yesterday.

Because, yesterday,
I smiled at you.
I heard
The cackling of your laughter.
The steady tone of your voice.
The deep sound of comfort.

I believe it was yesterday.
But perhaps it was a year ago.

I cannot remember.
Because it felt like yesterday.

Today, I started to day dream.
I was looking into the distance.
I know I saw your face,
heard your voice in some distant place...

Whether it was my mind or reality...

I had realized,
it was not yesterday.
It was years ago.
And just like that,
your face fades with the wind.
And the sound of your voice
fades with the ticking of the clock.

Because yesterday was a year ago.

Eyes closed.
Breathing in through my nose
and breathing out through my nose.
My mouth is closed...
Listening with my ears.

Heart opened.
Mind wandering freely
as the sounds dance with my soul,
the feathers have been plucked from my skin, revealing tiny bumps.
I feel that time has ceased to continue.

The reality that words do not fully captivate it;
It is in that reality that we feel complete happiness.

There is something sweet about falling in love.
It is probably the way that you looked at me for the first time
And the way you kept staring into my eyes as I told stories.

There is something sweet about falling out.
It is probably the way that I turned away from you with tears in my eyes
And the way I kept walking.

...Because even if you had smiled back on that train...
we would have left on different trains anyways...

There's the optimist.

...Because you messed up.

There's the truth.

At the end of the day,
you're lying in bed,
thinking of everything that happened.

What was the first word you spoke today?

That's how much of a blur it is.
Days tend to feel like they have to sprint to the finish line.
And we have to board on that train before it's too late.
But when you want to stare at the scenery,
The train feels like it goes ten times faster...
When is it that you will be able to breathe
And not feel the weight of the world on your chest?
It's not the world that expects too much, or not enough from yourself...
It's you.
You're the creator.
They're the influences.
We never knew.
That's alright. There is still time.
There is always time.
That is why we sleep. We sleep so we can make time.

Now you're lying in bed, staring into the darkness of where the ceiling is.
Perhaps your eyes are closed and you don't even know it.
Either way, your mind has taken over, and dreams occur.
Reality escapes for the time being.
That's when things make sense.
When the sweet serenades of the mind are awakened
and reality falls behind.

In the middle of all this chaos,
there is a moment of silence that captivates me.

It is the moment that I catch your eyes,
and the bliss in my cheeks are apparent to the world.

I can see the glares of desire,
they lurk past all the other bones and figures.

Even though I turn away and hide,
I have the urge for you to find me.

Just like you have found me before,
in the middle of your web.

This urge escalates to a peek out the side,
and I see your back.

You face a woman who is far better;
her curves can speak for themselves.

The chaos begins again,
but her eyes catch mine.

They say more than they mean to,
so I turn away and think to myself.

Silly little droplets of water layering in my eyes,
it overflows when there are too many.

You come and introduce me to your fiance,
and explain that I am from your past.

The disappointment makes me zone out,
past all the things I have remembered.

I am forced to forget,
and in return, regret.

There was no moment;
only memories.

Call me naive...
as a girl who pricked her thumb
from a rose that was given by a careless boy...

I do not remember why I know so much...
or maybe I do, I just have chosen to hide them.
oh the glory in not knowing...

I will not lie to you...
because that would be foolish of me
there is a difference between sharing all, and sharing some...

But it is wise to understand...
that we cannot be naive forever
and the more we know seems to hurt us...

Oh how I wish I were still naive...