I am completely in love with this human being in front of me.
He gives me all the love in the world.

He believes in the future that I believe for myself,
and he motivates me to want the best for myself.

I can look at this man and melt.
My mind starts to freeze every single little thought except one.

I love you.

And I will love him for all I can and for the rest of my life.

And this scares me.

To look at someone and see everything in them.
To feel completely vulnerable and lost in him.
To believe that I am safe with him.

I know I love him.

I fear that this love will end up nowhere...
that it will cease to grow one day,
and that I did not realize I was placed in a jar to slowly die
as he watches me
and as I believe that I love him for picking me.

I fear.

Now

I wrote a poem for you.

For the mistake that I made... with you, of course.

But somehow, that poem disappeared.

But some fragments I think I remember.
But I have to tilt my head to one side... as if the memories could pour out of my ears.

I just remember the loneliness the morning after,
even though you stayed asleep.

I did not even say good bye...





But you didn't even care.
Your eyes just stayed closed
as you heard the movement of my toes lightly kissing the floor.

Good bye.

I feel like yesterday,
I had seen you.
I had recognized
The curve of your lips.
The arch of your back.
The broad of your shoulders.

I think it was yesterday.

Because, yesterday,
I smiled at you.
I heard
The cackling of your laughter.
The steady tone of your voice.
The deep sound of comfort.

I believe it was yesterday.
But perhaps it was a year ago.

I cannot remember.
Because it felt like yesterday.

Today, I started to day dream.
I was looking into the distance.
I know I saw your face,
heard your voice in some distant place...

Whether it was my mind or reality...

I had realized,
it was not yesterday.
It was years ago.
And just like that,
your face fades with the wind.
And the sound of your voice
fades with the ticking of the clock.

Because yesterday was a year ago.

Eyes closed.
Breathing in through my nose
and breathing out through my nose.
My mouth is closed...
Listening with my ears.

Heart opened.
Mind wandering freely
as the sounds dance with my soul,
the feathers have been plucked from my skin, revealing tiny bumps.
I feel that time has ceased to continue.

The reality that words do not fully captivate it;
It is in that reality that we feel complete happiness.

There is something sweet about falling in love.
It is probably the way that you looked at me for the first time
And the way you kept staring into my eyes as I told stories.

There is something sweet about falling out.
It is probably the way that I turned away from you with tears in my eyes
And the way I kept walking.

...Because even if you had smiled back on that train...
we would have left on different trains anyways...

There's the optimist.

...Because you messed up.

There's the truth.