I know how it
feels to not
feel anymore

an emptiness that
fills you up,
consumes you,
burns inside of you
but only makes you

angrier,
sadder,
more confused

it’s like you’re the fish
and reality is beyond
the glass

there’s this big quiet

everything seems to
move in and out of
focus so fast

people’s words mumble
through the water
and seem foreign or
even alien

you look them in the eye
but they have nothing to look
back into

all you want to do
is sleep

fade into the
water

die

if you’re lucky,
someone will notice,
slap you across the face,
pull you out of the water,
and shove you down
the road again

if you’re like most,
you’ll keep walking

maybe even begin to
run or skip as you
go

but you’ll fall back into
the ocean

the world you once knew
seeming to flood,
moments float by,
days fade to weeks,
and you’ve long passed out
from lack of air

I know how it feels
to not feel at all

my miracle is that I have
never had to swim out of
that sea again

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."