So here I am
Few hundred dollars worth of electronics
Bored beyond belief
And I'd rather pace
Grabbing a remote and pressing a button?
Too much work
I'd rather pace about and overthink pointless ****
I'd rather kick myself over how that time I couldn't be honest about how I feel
Than to turn on my DS.
Or I'd rather fantasize about a perfect world where everything goes my way
As opposed to turning on my laptop and taking steps to make it so.
Something about walking lost in your own thoughts
It's a trap you set on yourself.
It's a peaceful break from the age of information.
But I'd rather that than all these fake dreams of misinformation
Self deception
And other nonsense
It can never be too simple
Nope
Never
Not for me

no control over my mind i never had a choice;
except when it comes to what's projected by my voice;
empty brain filled with negativity;
look what it's ******* done to me;
a smile is more than a parenthesis and a colon;
it's like my life's been stolen;
by external factors i don't care about;
responsibilities and ******* that make me wanna shout;
**** it all

Grade A *******, check my report card
Master of my own craft, avant-garde
Sincerity eludes me, but I used to be so warm to it
Mostly a foreign concept now since it's ******* me in the end
It's easier to not care, or at least act like it
Travolta I'm not so that's not an option
Butterflies in my stomach as if I never ate dinner
Yet that's my gut telling me that I've picked a winner
But...
Should your past be taken into consideration
Or mine?
Or the notion we have very little in common?
Or the fact that you have way more options than me?
Thats the issue with the information super highway
Less is hidden so it's easier to judge or create false doubts
All this stemmed from a single moment or a lifetime of self-doubt?
Even after I found myself there was more i still didn't know
Overthinking is my worst nightmare, and I'm living it
How outrageous

into a routine every day
into the same traps as always
into obscurity or something worse
green with envy and i got the blues
skip the weather straight into the bad news
who the hell are you? i barely know you
but i still wanna pay for your dinner and ****
see you laugh, tell jokes and stories
other corny nonsense
told myself i didn't want anyone for a long time
but a long time may be up by now
mixed feelings diced with blender blades
this **** is too difficult, i was never good with girls
or none of that romantic feeling or whatever stuff
****.

Why does the music stop?
It wasnt supposed to stop on its own
Not like this anyway, it was too abrupt
It happened out of nowhere, too
Just...kaput, done, silence
No warning at all
Cant dance without it, what gives?
Waving around on my own like a fool to no background noise
Aimless gesturing and random movements
But before it stopped, there was coherence
Those same motions made perfect sense
A dance with a song that goes together
Now there is no more melody
So there shall be no more dance neither
Cease and desist, and walk away as if there was no song or dance
Why did it stop?
I'll never know

A daydream
Forgotten instantly
Almost
Small remnants left behind
A daydream
Where our best ideas are crafted
When exhaustion takes over
When second guessing yourself is so tiring you dont even bother
A daydream
Where time skips at random intervals
Destination: anywhere but here
A daydream
Where am I again?
I don't want to wake up
I'm happy here
In a daydream

As the dizziness sets in from fatigue
And you still taste the guarine and caffeine induced concotion from 6 hours prior
You **** away the neon green drink and the buzz it gave you
And chemical imbalance sets in
Your body crashes and your mind feverishly fights against that urge
To fall into the land of sleep where your nightmares
Stay ready to remind you of everything wrong with awake life
Something a net with some feathers can't save you from
Nothing can rescue your mind from itself
Except the mind itself
How absolutely diabolical
Almost as diabolical as
When
Right before you slumber
You get
That boost of confidence
Or that earth shattering idea
"Yeah, I'll take a crazy risk tomorrow"
Or
"I'll do what I always meant to do tomorrow, for real this time!"
Then you wake up
And nothing
Changes
Ever.

and no I'm really not cold you can have my sweater
(I have a higher tolerance and enjoy cooler weather)
and yes I am really paying for lunch put your wallet away
(I don't pay rent)
and yes I legitimately am interested in how your week has been
(Mine ****** most likely)
and no, I'm not jealous that you think some super famous actor is hot
(but **** that guy with a rusty screwdriver)
and no, I'm not hooking up with a bunch of random chicks and eyeing everything in a short skirt
(I'm not bound to a gender stereotype and have control of my instincts)
and yes you do legitimately look good in that dress
(I'm not saying it just because)
and yes I do enjoy having you around alot more than I let on
(I'm not a very expressive person so what)
and yes I do like you more than just a friend
(In case it wasn't already obvious)
and yes maybe I do just want to walk through a park, and hold hands or some ******* and talk about "whatever"
(even though i am easily embarrassed)
and no I'm not hungry
(Those were butterflies)
and no we don't have alot of interests in common
(except humor, and each other's company- I hope.)

I can tell you alot of things
for example
I know what the fear of long words is
I can tell you where the best Belgian place in Manhattan is
I can never say where my heart is
But don't ask me about myself
I can't ever answer that question right
I just let my actions speak and hope they don't get lost in translation

and-