•Poem: Goodbye see ya latters•

My edges are frayed
Refused to be smoothed
Or flatly laid
Compliance has never been
A command I’ve ever
Slightly obeyed or taken
My stubborn will
Cannot be shaken
My hand is forced by no one
Except for self
And even that's a stretch  at best
My soul and
My heart
Have not always been
Pure and clean
I give too much
I love too hard
It’s just what I am
It’s just what I do
I’m an extremist
In every and all things
That I do
In my life
I don’t give up easily
Often times
I fight way too long
Now I’m fighting for a real cos
That’s me!
I’m the cos!
I’ve even been in the past
Known to fight my own self
Both tooth and nail
Until brought to
Blood and tears
And possibly
My biggest flaw
Is  that my let go
Has no stopping point
I’ll always try to save another
While I myself began to drown
I hold on to ******* tightly
And everything I’ve ever let go of
Has claw marks
Down to my own
Sometimes slipping
Sanity
And soul
I don’t know how
To pick and choose
To give just a little bit
At a time
And I don’t know how to stop Caring for others
Even if I myself end up suffering
Or how to just let go
To just walk out that door  
And go
When it's time to go
I stay too long
Or I run away too soon
My give a **** distribution
Is clearly all out of wack
The que  way too backed up and
I’m not sure there
Even what to do
I was on the run
But from myself
My subconscious
Too long had helped
Me hide it out
And  the spectators
Look on from
Life sideways
Sidelines
And they can judge me i
If it's  indeed
What they feel
They need to do
If it indeed
Pleases them
At the top of their lungs
Please by all means
******* scream it out
All those things
You think and feel
About it
If in fact it makes
Them feel better
To think so very little
Of who I am
I won’t try
To change their minds
Because I know the
Truth of me and
My almost tragedy
Trajectory in life
I was on the brink
But now I’m back
My soul was tattered and somewhat *****
And torn
But my  hands here and now
Are clean
So let them judge me
If they so please
They have not crawled
Through my life’s
Mess and dirt
Or Clawed at words
Trapped in my own throat
Trying to escape my own mind Trying to escape my own life
They don't know heaven
Locked in my gaze or
The hurry up
Of slowing down
To let go
No one can say a word
On the subject of
Tearing myself down
To my very foundation
And brick by brick
Rebuilding my all
Back up
From bare bones
Newfound purpose
And soul
My bones no longer
Are they so vulnerable
And exposed
They can talk it out
On and on
That's just how life goes
Keep on judging me
If they please
They don’t know
Perfection
Reflected
Their words
Merely a projection
They have never
Touched perfection
Divinity
Just under the skin
Have never tasted
Eternity's forever
On my goodbye
I love you ‘s kiss
So let them judge me
I wish them all the best
Bid them
So long
Farewell
Goodbye
The night is young
And life is
Deep and wide
So here’s to them
As I jump
With no reservations
With both
Heart and
Both feet
Straight up
Both excited and
Terrified to
Live!
Here I go
Right into the unknown
And I can’t wait!
For way too long
I had been captain
Of my self destruction
Team leader
Of my rebel troops
Bringing chaos
To my own order
Reeking havoc
Disturbing my own peace
Digging holes inside my chest
6 feet deep at least
I was  first in line
On my own bodies
Battlefield
I held the scissors and
Cut across my own
Dotted line
Leading charge
On the war
And destruction
On the sanctity
Of my own soul
Lapping up the poison
From a spoon
My own gawd ******
Hand held
Up for me to feed from
At my all time lowest high
Self pity and
Self hate
Ate at all things in me
Introspection
At its best
Pause in thought
In retrospect
Dear someone
Can you tell me something
I don’t know!?!?
In the motel of
My heart
Mind and
Soul
The damages
Have been done
And no one
But myself
Was left
To pay those fines
I’m no longer
Scarred and scared
No longer
My own victim
The worst has
Already been
Done
The  wounds
Long ago
****
Done inflicted
Time has healed them
They are now
But scars
That I did finally
Tend and
Mend
I don’t need your afterthought words
In a halfassed apology
At best
Or an attempt
To soothe that
Now healed
****** mess
How did you become
The monster
In the mirror I Once Upon  a time
Had wondered to myself
Volatile on a good day
Always always angry
And forever snapping and
Raging
Now they all ask me
How I turned
From monster
To this warrior
From my own victim
To my own rescue team
Savior
Standing before them now
I drew a line
In my sandbox
A new boundary
Not to be crossed
I pulled my own **** card
And called my own
**** *******
On my too long
List of excuses
And false justifications
I stopped letting my weakest pieces
Get the best of me
And beat me
To become
The majority in traits
Of what made me
ME
I stopped letting them cause destruction
And killing the rest
Of me
The best in me
So easily the sick poison
Of excuses
Could have like a cancer
Spread in me
Out if control
Eating up all the best things
I had to stop
Being my own victim
The monster
Of my own storyline
I had to become the cure
Be my own warrior
Savior of my all
Mind
Heart
Body
Soul
And life
To be accountable
For all my ****** up parts
That i had let
Run wild too long
Out of control
I had to be the one
To call myself out
The loudest
The hardest
I had to stop making
And excusing
My excuses
And instead
Start seeing
Start living
And being
Only factual truths
Accountable
And reasons
I’ve held my weight
In shame
But I healed that dark piece
In me and
No longer does it haunt me
My eyes
They sparkle
Clean and bright
So excuse yourself
Please now
From my life
If you come at me with anything less than good intentions
If you only have piles
Of excuse lines and
Negativity
And too many reasons not to try
If you have come only
To chip away
At my hard worked for
Love self
Love of life
Hard bleed for
Hard earned
Peace
Than I ask you right now
To pause
To stop
And just turn around
And silently go
And leave me be
Because true friendship
And  caring, love
Don’t demand
Any proof of its existence
I shouldn’t be asked
To sacrifice my soul
Because you’re at war
With your own
So here’s to you
Here’s to us
Here’s to hello’s
So long's
Farewell’s
And goodbye’s
Maybe this isn’t the end of a friendship
And we’ll meet again
somewhere down
Along life’s line
I wish you only good things
All the best and
I pray that you may
At long last
Find some
Soul healing
Find some relief
From all that poison
That haunts and
Plagues you
Takes your sound sleep
In the night
You deserve that peace my friend
But so also do I
And that’s where I must bid you
All  the best and farewell
I never saw the good
In bye’s
I’ll catch you later
On down life’s line
I really do so hope now
As we let go
To grow
Each of our own souls
It’s time now
To let go.
t.day
★
©

•Poem:  'c'est la vie' & Goodbye• by t.day★•

I Would Hold my tongue
If I could see past it
But the lies
Created by my mind
Trip my eyeballs all up
So I can’t even see
So I can’t even speak
Got me falling
Trippin all up
Like cats under feet
Down life’s stairs
I smash loud
Why would I ever
Carefully ******* creep?!
I’m droppin
My stomach flip floppin
My heart
It’s always been calling
Your name
But you don’t want to hear
Found I Can’t
Correctly use my mouth
So to speak
When your near
So to see
Zipper mouth
Shut
Tongue tied
All knotted
Twisted and *******
Can’t say a word
If I wanted
Blinded myself
From the truth
Can’t even speak a thing
Your face
In the pocket
Of my mind’s eye
Your ghost
Haunts my
My internal memory banks
It’s a thing!
You’ve been filed
under category
‘What used to be’!
Silence so loud
Didn’t know it could scream!
Causing us
to go numb
To go dumb
Come all undone
Can’t feel a **** thing
Can’t even sleep
So I can’t even dream you
I’m all tangled up
Like legs
Caught up in bed sheets
My mind
Pushy
Obnoxious
Sometimes straight up
Just Mean
On the flip side
It’s such a seemingly passive
Pushover thing
I’m too much again
It would seem
Confliction
Might be the one trait
I lack in the most
Won’t you psychoanalyze that
If you please
Dissect the hell out of
All of my
****** up bent pieces
Tell me why
I’m so loudly and
Annoyingly me!
I’m here
Splayed out wide
before you
Vivisected
Laid open all neat
And all clean
My body an offering
Decorating your alter
Get down on your knees
Send up loves prayer
Maybe this is what religion ought to be  can be
Can’t help it
My heart always on my sleeve
There’s a war playing out
Just under my skin
Down the hall and
round my mind’s bend
In hollowed out corners
And emptied out
rooms and chambers
Just under my ribs
Where my heart used to beat
And the most bazar and puzzling thing
I don’t have a clue just which side to cheer for
Since I occupy
Both opposing sides of the line
Who wins?
And what for?
My life seems like a charade
Everyone in it just acting and
Here I ******* go once again asking
Is any if this **** even real
Or maybe another nightmareish dream on repeat?
Cause it all seems so put on
Poorly faked!
Absolutely bogus
And staged!
It’s got no emotional depth
No life like texture
To taste!
Can you live on empty
Never sated and full?
Can you thrive and prosper
Surviving on scraps of what’s left over,
Feeding only on pain?
It’s thick all around us can you catch it’s taste
Thick on the stale breeze
Choking off what we need
A new beginning
A fresh seed
Flash out
In a haze
Left in a daze
You’ll find
Out quite quickly
I’m no easy catch
I’m not one easy
To please
To handle
Or swallow
A reality you don’t belong to0
I come with an aftertaste
Bitter at best
An acquired taste it would seem
I’m all sharp edges
Lacerating down the long way
Every failed attempt
TO cage me
Make me compliment
Docile
And trained
Blows up in their face
I run hard
For what’s mine
Working double time
To make that extra dime
I go that extra mile
What I run for
What I’m after
And seek
Can’t be bribed
Can’t be bought
You see the truth
In my words here today
Some things
You must be born with
Some things can not be taught
A real one
Comes real
You can see it
By the way  that they move
Just by they way that they walk
And I got that ****
They can’t teach
If you get what I mean
If you don’t you
Won’t know
Can’t  Catch you up
Surely the ending
has got to be quick
I don’t think  it’s normal
For a soul
To be this *******
Sick
Jaded they say,  
Nah I’m more raw
My too thin skin has been
Effectively worn through to my bones
I can’t win
For losing
That much is clear
I shut my eye’s
All the world drops dead
I think I made you
Up inside my head
Reality is quite clearly
Not my friend
I’ve been force feeding
Myself your poison love again
Failure to launch
I never did quite begin
The truth is life has emptied me
I began dying off inside
From my start
I gag up the words
They tried to
beat into my head
Verbatimly
Reciting the lies
Line by line
“I’m fine”
Without so much as a blink
Of my vacant dead eye
Not a cringe
or a flinch
Can’t let on
Not one bit
That I’ve taken the lead
Headed for the big win
I’m not one to be controlled
They lost the tug of war like event
Of my soul
They lost the battle
The war
And they don’t even yet see it
Or know
My heart’s a rotted out apple
I’m All  hollow and cored
Your hands around it
Applying more pressure
More stress
I mistook that feeling
For love
That’s where I left it
To rest
It loves your mess
For some reason the best
So I guess
it will  always be yours
I shut my eyes
All the  world drops dead
I lift my lids
The nightmare begins once again
I’m trapped by your memory
Your ghost haunts my mind
With no ending in sight
  'c'est la vie'
& Goodbye
Such is life.

t.day
★
©

Poem: Freebirds
Can you
Can you
Catch me
Vibe along
In tune
In time
With me?!?
The question is rhetorical
The subject
No longer
Is it moot
Put your unwanted
Opinions on mute
Throat grabbing
Verbal chokehold
Like clenched fists
On the clutch
Downshift
Upshift
Time to
Upgrade
Loosen up
You’re too **** uptight
Take a breath
Slow it up
Relax and loosen up
Let that old **** go
Too much wishful thinking
And naïve foolish
Dreaming they keep telling me
But they don’t know
This new me
Throwin judgments
Unbacked
And dumb
Unfounded
Assumptions
With no base
With no realistic
Knowledge
So how they think
They know even
A little bit
What it is
So foolish
For me to do
Now look
What it be
What they do
Who’s complacent now?!?
Not me!!
Must be you!!
Chase now!
It’s on!
I’m on the move
Sone been
Switching
My **** on up
Still they always
Be ta talking
Tryin always
To tell me
What it be
I ought ta do
Keep it movin
On along
That first
Foot out the door
Faded
Flash out
In a haze
Left in a daze
This is real ****
Half them
Shallow ****** *******
They don’t know
What it is
How ta do
Be a real one
Over their head
Don’t got the heart
Ain’t got the nerve
Gutless mouths
Ghost walking
Dumb as rocks
With mouths always
Just runnin
But they can’t
Back that ****
Playin chicken
Hopinp that
The real thing
Ain’t gonna
Come along
And call their Bluff
‘cause all they do
Be
Front
Front
Front
I was down
Crawling cross
Sharp
Painful
*******
Hard to swallow truths
All sharped
And ppJagged
Like bits of glass
Sharded
And pointed
Flesh up
But if you can’t take
Reality’s truths
Sharp as they be
You don’t need ta speak so0
Keep on
Keep on
Moving on
We crawled on
For the sanity
And sanctity
Of our nearly
Exsanguinatedp
Near beat down
Broken bodies
We rose
On a high Eve
One Sunday
Late afternoon
Saviors of
The fallen maimed
Nearly vanquished
Beat down
Hard broke
Population
Of men
Real as they come
Warriors
Home from warring
On our own flesh
Mad minds
Seeking insane truths
From those willing to sit
And sip
Daily on disillusions
And self deception
But we dug 6 feet deep up
Those war fields
In our heads
In our chests
Seeking always
Honor
Justice
Reality
AAunttRuth
We are the real ones
Dug deep in
And healed our own wounds
We won’t drink
The kool aid poison
Of ignorance
And simple
Deplorable excuses
For appalling
Grotesque
Stupid *** ****
Behaviors
of the weak
And brittle minded
Sheep
Choose ta be
Choose ta do
We’re healed
We’re real
We dream
Of popping
The lid off this *****
And flyin the coop
We’re birds
We’ve escaped our death cycle cage
Healed
Our once clipped
And bent wings
Jokes on them stupid 0 sheep
Sipping on their menticide and
In coercive persuasion
Flavored kool aid
Us real ones
Done
Healed you
Repaired you
Those wounds have been long done inflicted
But are Scarred
We observed
And we learned
From your actions
Taught us
What not to be
We won’t seek out
Revenge
For forgiveness
Does truly heal
And liberate
Once wounded souls
It’s the most powerful weapon
We choose to raise
And use
Moving forward
We won’t turn
To repay
Convict
Or condemn you
We
Who are
The real ones
Know truth
We move
And lead
In
By
And with
Love
By example
We Will show you
How it is
You should do
You should choose ta be
We’re rising up
Above all ththat
Low vibrational *******
Forgiveness
And love
Both
Our weapons
And our gifts
The most powerful we can use
We broke free
Popped the lid
Off this *****
And with healed wings stretched
Caught the breeze
Flying free
Escaping our bird cages
So long
Farewell
Giving our best
To those sheep
We fulfilled our dreams
Us real ones
Now free
And that Sunday evening
We rode love’s breeze
And flew that
****** coop
Eternally
Free birds
We will
Always be.

t.day
★