Roaming hands, tighter hugs
This isn’t what I meant when I said
I need more guy friends

Trade.
Consider it a trade.
Closure, in return for my heart against a blade.
I used to be afraid.
But now, I’m only afraid of someone noticing my lack of aide.
To try and help me as I fade.
For this trade,
Will end my tragic, awful escapade.

Like technology,
We can download pretty smiles,
Make a game worth our while.
But we can’t get rid of the virus.
Haunting us like a self-hating pirate.
But maybe, It’s our fault.
We clicked play.
So we faded away.

Big brown eyes,
hair in a bun
the gleam in her eyes show so much fun
but deep inside
she's already done
she's said goodbye
but she's going to try
for the hope that when someone
laughs, reaches for a flask
someone will notice that mask
what she used to be-
cut in half
Notice that her being kind,
Hides the riff-raff in her mind.
But it’s not how we see it fit.
It’s how we live it.
She knows she didn’t hit,
didn’t spit,
didn’t throw a fit,
but the plea to slit
Is throwing fire in a fire pit.
But one day,
When she commits,
That blade bit,
It’s gonna hit her like a cross bit.
She Quit.

I’m trapped by my own facade,
Becoming bigger than the fake smile it relies on.
Every time I laugh, my breath is caught-
And I can’t help thinking, how I’m gone.

A broken girl,
Of a broken family.
A broken boy,
Going through agony.
A broken child,
Who used to smile.
A broken mother,
Who can be quite vile.
A broken father,
Who just wouldn’t walk the mile.
This is a Broken Family.
They weren’t always broken,
But now broken they remain.

I might be smiling
But don’t think I’m not dying
Because as I’ve learned,
No one cares until I’m crying

You think I take it as a joke.
That I don’t care.
What you don’t realize is me crying,
behind closed doors,
in a room somewhere.
You think I can take it.
That I can avoid and deal with despair.
What you don’t realize,
is my self respect, broken beyond repair.
You think that I am happy.
Satisfied with my life.
What you don’t realize,
is me ready to take the knife.
Don’t think I don’t care,
just because I don’t cry.
Maybe the reason I don’t,
is because I believe you.
I show that I don’t,
I pray you don’t see,
That what you say,
It’s really killing me.

Goodbye.
That's all I have to say.
Then the feeling will go away.
Along with it, my worries of the day.
But I have to say-
I like you.
Maybe it's the way.
The way you smile like you can't stop
The way you talk.
The way your looks could ****.
Before I reach for that flask, I have to ask.
Are there, perhaps, tears threatening to spill?
A wrist being threatened to drill?
A jump awaiting you at your window sill?
Or maybe it's just me.
But I just can't see a smile without pain
A death, yet a gain.
A parked car, yet another lane.
But that's a means to an end.
My heart may pound,
But I'll make it this round.
Just say the word.
Bye.

Code
My heart’s the code.
My poetry’s the key.
Who can break it?
Only those special to me.
My mum, my dad, that isn’t so.
My siblings either, you’re kind of slow.
Wanna know the answer?
I don’t know.
No one’s broken the code.
They’re still waiting for my world to implode.

Butterfly

It soars high,
It’s beauty lighting up the sky.
But it’s a lie.
For the beautiful wings on show,
Hide the creatures own foe.
Inside thy wings,
They shall not bear kings.
Instead, the more treacherous things.
Their claws,
Their flaws,
Their sadness as well as it’s cause.
Their life upon laws,
Even minuscule faux pas.
For they may smile,
But that does not mean
Their heart has in a while.
Their frowns remain unseen,
as acting is keen.
As though It’s a queen,
When it’s really just a girl who doesn’t want to be that unhappy teen.