Oh, look at the mess I’ve made
And it’s only the beginning.
On the job for less than a day
And in waist deep, I'm nearly swimming.

My hand moves on its own,
No need for my mind to guide it,
And in the darkest days when I'm alone
You’ll tell me I am lost, but Ill deny it.

I'm picking up the pieces
But they’re sharp and it hurts my back to bend.
Why do I even try? I count the reasons,
Absent minded…. I begin again.

I laugh at my reflection ‘til it fades out
And when I'm by myself I **** the lights.
Companionship is hyped – there is no doubt!
What use could I have for it here tonight?

No one need endure the mess I've crafted
For no one else on earth could ever see,
Each scattered piece is lied down with a purpose;
With intentions… Ill though they may be…

And from my work I've harvested satisfaction
For nothing on this earth could near replace it.
And what started as a meaningless distraction
Has grown into this mess that I created.

I close my eyes and hear him breathe
(You never breathe that way)
He laughs and tells a witless joke
(That’s not what you would say)

He puts his arm around me and
His touch is hard to bare.
I try so much to picture you
But still you are not there.

His skin is soft, but not like yours,
With beads my eyes now fill
He feels my heart in agony and
Holds me tighter still.

His scent is strong where yours was soft,
I choke, it shakes my core.
He pulls me close into his chest
I pause… and cry no more.

His heart, oh heart! Oh pulsing heart!
Like yours once beat for me!
I get lost in its rhythmic song
Consistent, strong, and sweet.

I hear it move so similar
And praise God at the sound,
For mine no longer beats that way
Weighed down by hopeless doubt.

And for as long as I can hold
This moment I will grip
Though through my shaking fingers still
Real love proceeds to slip.

And slowly so do I back to
Reality once more
Remembering the love he gives
Is not at all like yours.

For though he holds and though he cares,
One thing is clearly true
No other man will suffice if
My love, he is not you.

It’s almost like you don’t exist,
Your name – a hollow word.
And when I speak it, it’s as if
My mouth produced a ****.

And looking at your photograph
My eyes grow weak and weary,
One more moment and they would
Have combusted involuntarily.

Your scent is all around me still
And now with every whiff
I am compelled to shut my eyes
And jump off of a cliff.

And in my mind I hear your voice
It wakes me in my bed
And will each night until the day
I cut off my own head.

That kiss still lingers on my lips,
The last an final one,
I taste it… and then dream of poring
Acid on my tongue.

I feel you when you’re not around,
It’s worse than any pain.
To dull its sting I think I might
Just set myself aflame.

You left me and I'm over it.
I swear I have moved on!
But still it’s like you’ve been with me
Each day since you’ve been gone.

You're the one to blame but I
Should have know you be bitter….
When as revenge I removed your skin
And used it as a sweater.

I am what I am, to me
But to you, I am what you want me to be;
Everything you wanted to see.
I never lied, tried to hide a secret side, or deceive
And yet somehow the distance is widening
And this darkness is blinding
And somewhere along this long road we’re unwinding
Side by side we have traced only each grey cloud’s silver lining
And just now we are finding
The path before us is long and the future is frightening.

The mask I've been wearing was temporary
And now it fades and is tearing.
You’re staring… you turn away,
I'm not, to you, who I was but yesterday.
And I guess you were wearing one too.
How foolish I was to think I could see through.
There is nothing I can do to make things right
And no closer would we be by ending it tonight.
It always happens this way, it’s never-changing
And now I've found the cause - my head is aching.
The problem is clear to see – so do you still love me
Or are you clinging to the memory of what you want me to be.

You threw the world upon me
And so I held its weight,
But when I tried to give it back
I found it was too late.

My heart had structured chains of steel
That bound me to your will
And even when I could not breathe
It would not waver still.

For weeks, for months I tried to stand;
Defend what I had won,
But in the end, my heart lay dead
My shoulders bear a ton.

So out of my hole I then climbed
And pushed away the pain,
I left you in your pool of lies
With just yourself to blame.

This was not an easy task,
It hurt me and I let it
You used me, you ungrateful ****!
I hope that you regret it.

For now the chains are frail and chipped,
I’ve shattered every stone
And no ones left to bear your pain,
It’s yours and yours alone.

I never asked you for the world,
Or for anything else,
So next time you feel charitable
Just keep it to yourself.