Its easy to sink
Its hard to watch you drown
When I can keep my head up, Or I just think
That I can, even when I'm down

But its hard to be your life boat
When I can sink oh so easily
So these are the simple words I wrote
When I try and help quietly

Its difficult to watch you in misery
So I asked if you needed a hand to hold
Because your tears can be seen clearly
Are you ever uncontrolled

By the sickness
That fills your lungs
Such a terrifying liquid
Depression controlled you ever since you were young

i know it's been 8 years and i know
the skin replenishes every 27 days and
i know that every molecule and every atom
that was present when you took my freedom
from me and replaced it with guilt does not exist
anymore but somehow through all the showers so
hot that satan would hiss at the contact and scrubbing
so hard at my skin that it's raw and bleeding, i can still feel
your sinful hands ripping the only thing i ever believed in straight
from me without even breathing
a word.

and sometimes,
at 3 a.m. when the
memories come flooding
in, when i can't cry because
i am not sad, i am angry
i wonder why if my bones
and my liver and my
stomach and every atom
and every molecule and every
bit of my body can be renewed
at least every 5 years, why can't my
memories change too?

Don’t let me wake up please
I don’t want to wake up with thoughts like these:
Love? Is that some sort of cheese?
Don’t let me wake up thinking
I’m worth more dead than alive
I don’t want to wake up by your side
I don’t want to open my eyes
If you aren’t who I dream of at night

Don’t let me wake up with regret
I haven’t felt much regret yet, yet,
I feel like it’s coming faster than an air jet
Filled with important people I have never met
I don’t want to wake up
Wondering when it went wrong
Trying to remember, but forgetting the song
Wondering if I should have known all along

Don’t let me wake up as my mother
Don’t let me wake up as my father
I want to wake up like a lover
With roses by my bed and not a revolver.