12:52pm was the time
I was sitting in lunch when I received a vague text
"I'm sorry about your sister"
My heart sank as I thought of the very worst
Clenched my fists and asked what was going on
It was then when she told me-
She's in the hospital
She tried to **** herself, Aolani.
A whirlwind of questions fluttered into my numb mind
Is she okay?
Why?
Where is she?
Where was I when she needed me?
This is my sister, my best friend we're talking about
I was in school
I couldn't cry
I can't be weak
Everyone tried to comfort me
But that's so useless
Nothing can take it back
Dad calls-
She's okay
She'll be in the hospital for quite a while, 3 weeks.
I can visit her very soon
But how will I handle that?
My role model,
The one and only girl I've ever found to be flawless,
Will be so weak and alone
Her nimble fingers inching to hold my cold shaky hands
Calling out for my affection
I'll tell her I love her because I now know how important it is
And I'll soak in tears until my sister
My older, wiser, beautiful sister
Finds peace.
(A.G.)

MIDNIGHT:
YOU'RE HURT AND FRAIL SO I MUST TAKE CARE OF YOU.
YOU'RE THE ADULT AND MY ROLD MODEL BUT YOU'RE HORRIBLY BROKEN AND I FEAR WAHT YOU MIGHT DO IF I LEAVE YOU ALONE.
THEY'RE TELLING ME IM NOT OBLIGATED TO WATCH YOU AND THAT SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO IT BUT I CANT LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO HELP THE FIRST TIME.
I ALMOST LOST YOU.
I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SAVE YOU IF I JUST GAVE YOU ADVISE OR IF I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO LEAVE MY ROOM THAT ONE TIME I GOT TIRED.
I SHOULD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE.
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG AFTER I NOTICED THE MAKEUP STAINS ON YOUR PILLOW.
OR WHEN I NOTICED THAT HOLE IN YOUR WALL.
WHY DIDNT I SAY ANYTHING THAT TIME I WALKED INTO YOUR ROOM AND SAW TEARS SPILLING FROM YOUR WEARY EYES?
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL AND I NOW HAVE A SECOND CHANCE.
SO SISTER NOW I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE ANYMORE.

11:37pm
It's when we spend all that time alone
When you become yourself
And I become me
It's those moments alone in the blue glowing lights in your bedroom
When I gawk at you
At your silly cross-eyed face
I notice all your adorable quirks
Embracing me in sets of two
Squeezing my hand
Laughing over idiotic videos
Caressing your sweet lips with mine
Stumbling onto your creaky bed
Looking in your eyes I do realized
That you're my very best friend
And I love you more than I ever thought possible
(AG)

6:08am
Laying in your arms
Tracing your collar bones
Sneaking a gentle kiss, casual embrace
Loving all the time spent together
Your face looks so perfect in the pale sunrise
I kiss your cheek
Our slow breaths sync up
Curl under the covers, hands on your bare chest
And fall back asleep with the reassuring thought that you'll still be by my side when I wake up
Those steady lips ready to press against mine
You've involutedly added yourself into my life
And with that thought I am ecstatic
(A.G.)

5:11pm
sitting in his room silently
desperately craving more attention
I know I can't be needy
I know it's too much to ask
he gives me kisses all the time
holds my hand
he's wonderful to me
all I want is another loving embrace
I want to cry and be comforted
but I know that's not fair
boys' don't like sad girls
so i hold it in, smile, laugh once or twice
tell stories
but I'd rather sleep, gently in his arms
I want to be held and I don't want to talk
I want to rest
too much pain to be awake in this reality
how can I be alone without being lonely?
sleeping is my only solution
but I don't want to sleep without him by my side
I need someone to distract me
he does a great job, but i crave more
I need more than possible
one tear rolls
I'm hiding it and laughing
I'll giggle until I can go home and cry out for my lover
cry out for the only boy who gives me affection
for the boy I love
for my best friend
for the only boys arms i want surrounding my body
but for now a soft smile
(a.g)

I finally got what I wanted
The wild teen crazed life
Blasting subs
Laughing, stories, aimlessly driving around
Stopping anywhere we can adventure, raise hell, bring joy, and connect with strangers
Anything to make our mark
Wild screaming laughs pour out of the windows every single night
So free
Holding onto that childish ignorance
Nothing matters when we are all together
You get to forget the pointless homework
Forget family problems
And get absorbed into the music and talks
You get to fill your mind with raging giggles, endless jokes
All those movie moments you never thought would happen
Pointless, mindless destruction
Embrace the reckless teen years
Live without responsibly
While you can
(A.G.)

AT 2:35AM I WAS WEAK AND TEXTED YOU.
FOR THE FIRST TIME I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY BLEEDING WRISTS AND TEARY EYES.
YOU STILL HAVENT OPENED THE TEXT AND IM FULL OF FEAR BECAUSE IT'S NOW MORNING.
I DONT WANT TO SHOW YOU THE CUTS IVE SCATTERED ALONG MY DISTURBED BODY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED TO SHOW ME FAKE AFFECTION.
I DON'T NEED YOU TO KISS MY SCARS FOR I KNOW THEY'RE UGLY AND YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THAT.
ALL I WANT IS YOU TO TELL ME IT'S OKAY SO I CAN GO ON WITH MY SELF-HATE.
BLADES REFLECT MY OWN PERSONALITY IN THE MOONLIGHT.
TEARS REFLECT MY BURNING PAIN.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE THAT SIDE OF ME AND I KNOW BOYS DON'T LIKE SAD GIRLS.
SO I'LL SUPPRESS MY FEELINGS TO HURL MYSELF OFF A BUILDING.
OR TO JUMP INTO A LAKE WITH ANCHORS TIED ON MY ANKLES.
BECAUSE THAT'S WRONG OF ME.
I WON'T SLIT MY WRISTS TOO DEEP FOR I HAVE BROUGHT YOU INTO MY WORLD AND I CANNOT DISSAPOINT YOU NOW.
SO BABY I PROMISE TO WIPE UP THE BLOOD AS LONG AS YOU CAN STILL LOVE ME.
(AG)