The water keeps rising and I keep dying
I'm clawing to the surface , the chains at my feet keep me from leaving
The air is gone and darkness takes me
I open my eyes and see I'm above ground
but I'm still drowning

Be my wings so I can rip them off
Be my wings in order for me to fall
Be my wings to stop me from flying  
And I'll be your ground to let you go

Let's make a deal
If a roll a die and it lands on 6 I'll spill everything like one
spills blood if you angle it wrong
If I roll anything else I'll lock it away along with my insecurities
Boy never get tired of those

Rolls die and slow mo starts, with the camera zooming in on the cube as if the outcome actually matters

Oh look at that a 6
Guess someone is confessing tonight
Never said who I would spill it to

Hey lower being, time for reason 4562 of why I'm a terrible person

Let's write about something else
With words such as success,
school, friendship, family
just anything else
what is the point of writing if it's always the same thing
I erase and erase, the words won't leave
vampire, fangs, sauce, democrats, hemicorporectomy
anything else, please
it's laughable
I'm trying to avoid writing about the same thing
but it never changes

When I was a kid and scared of thunder
My mom use to tell me that lighting was God taking pictures
The static of our palms meeting is a lot like lighting
Never knew pictures could ****

The things we do for love
Aren't the things we do for others

I think many people confused sadness with depression
In an age where it is a competition to see who has it tougher
Who tried to **** themselves more
How many relatives and friends died around you
Whoever cries the most wins
As if troubled lives will pave the way to success
Whoever is sad is treasured because they might have the potential to be the next big hit

Sadness is getting a bad quiz grade
Sadness is teenage angst
Sadness is rejections by the boy you kinda accidentally met eyes with a couple of times

Life is full of ups and downs
It is statistically and scientifically impossible to be happy for all your life
You have to go down at some point , just like you have to go up

Sadness is knowing you'll get back up

Depression is something else entirely

Sadness is not knowing you'll be happy , you just don't know how
Sadness is not something you carve into your skin
Sadness is not pretending to be dead while your thoughts wreak havoc inside your mind, leaving it a battlefield

Depression is sitting in the back of a huge auditorium trying to watch what's going on stage but all you can do is zoom in to blurred images
Depression is not ending your life because it's too difficult
Depression is thinking you don't have a life to end

Understand the differences

A v e r a g e

6 letters in the first and 7 in the latter
one letter missing, one step closer to becoming that dreaded word
It's not that I am, or I am not
It's how I feel
Not good enough to be noticed
yet not bad enough to be forgotten
Stuck in between
How liminal

Hell, maybe I'll even become mediocre
Never more
Never less

Are any of you ever lonely?
Typing everything you're feeling to end the pain?
the most humane wish there is, no pain
I imagine, no I know, loneliness to be a white maze
everywhere you go it's white
and you're the only black dot on the map
People turn to white, cars turn into a white, everyone around you
Even words turn to white
Your thoughts leave you as well and become the light that shines on the maze
It's so loud with silence it's deafening
The quiet is too **** loud
Alone with everywhere to go

You are not new
These feelings will never fade
Just be replaced with someone else
I'll watch from a distance like I do
Too scared to say a thing
But too stubborn to let go
That's romance for me

You're happier aren't you ?
I know there's always someone new
I don't allow myself to look at any of your photos
I don't need evidence when I know the truth
Just know, I'll be waiting for you
Happier if you ever come back

I can't wait to leave
to be far beyond your reach
you won't be able to touch me
talk to me
influence me in any sort of way
this body won't tremble again in your presence
this heart will not quicken and defy the laws of rhythm
I'll be states away, maybe even a country
for years and years

I can't wait to leave and come back to you

Today I talked with a friend,
you were in my head but I prevailed and did not mention you in the least
However, she brought you up and you became the subject of everything again
So it's not my fault you're still in my head, it's everyone else's

I don't need another being to create beauty
My sadness creates enough beauty for both
I don't see any of your writing in mine

I'm here alone in my room
The lights turned and the only sound you can hear is one from the ceiling fan
It's not a special day nor happy day
Nor a sad day
Just a regular ol day
One of the few times I'm truly alone
And I miss you

You remind me of what is and what isn't
What could be and what can't be
You remind me of the times that our love was so strong and loud that it made the angels realize that they were not the only angelic beings on this earth
You remind me of the times you took my heart and kissed it , then tossed it away with another kiss as well down the infinite well of despair
You remind me of the times that your heart was so cruel even the demons down below noticed, not because it an act of atrocity or bloodshed but rather the continuous act of eradicating hope within someone
Some might argue that's the greatest crime of all, ridding someone of hope during light and dark times
For how can anyone continue on without hope in their life
But that is another story to tell
You remind me of what we are
You, a being of action
And me, a mere observer to any action
You create the music your soul sings, written on pieces of paper as if they were your everyday journal you carry with you every you go
Carrying your darkest secrets that you only let people get glimpses of
I , on the the hand , read
For anyone's story is worthy of reading  save mine
They can teach you a lesson no matter how bleak or bright the ending may be
From the girl who went out too late at night and never came back
To the boy that completed his tasks of bravery and married the princess, he lived happily ever after by the way
What have you taught me ?
Nothing save one thing
I'm still utterly and completely in love with you
And what can I learn from that ?

You believe in a higher being just so you can believe in yourself

Do you remember that Rose he got you for your birthday ?
Or was it Valentine's Day ?
It's a bit hazy
It looked so beautiful
...for an ordinary girl
Never been a fan of roses have you ?
So generic for a guy to get a girl a rose
He didn't even know you didn't like flowers
But you loved him nonetheless
After all, first boyfriends only happen once
So you kept that Rose , treasured it actually
It served as a memento of your time together
2 weeks went by, the soft petals remained
2 months passed and you got into a fight with him
But you stayed because you were too scared to loose him
The Rose grew and grew until its vines curled around you neck and choked the beauty out of you
It took the ambition
The purpose of your life
The dreams you once had when you were young
It's been 2 years and you're still with him
Working night shifts to keep him from giving up and take those acting classes
After he changed his major 3 times
It's been 2 decades and he comes home late
You don't ask why or dare ask yourself why you put up with it
There's a bit of lipstick on his cheek and you haven't worn any since the last time he took you out
8 years ago
You don't venture outside because why would you
What's out there ? More Roses to keep until they take something out of you too
You regret keeping that Rose and tried to throw it away
But its thorns stop you from even picking it up
They pierce into your skin so deep they touch bone
You do what you swore you would never would do
You swallow that Rose
Every thorn and every petal
You choke and tears come into your eyes
But you don't spit it out
You gulp it down and lie down
That's how they find you
Beautiful and dead

I like those carnivorous butterflies that eat you from the inside out
They look beautiful at first until you realize the red color of their wings isn't just for decoration
Their little mouths of sharp teeth are hardly noticable
But then you look down and see a hole in your body
and you ask yourself how you didn't notice it
You were too busy looking at the butterflies that  you didn't see them eat your heart out

Hearing your smile still took my breath way
Even if it was just for a second
But I no longer have to breathe
Since my heart is missing

I'm still scared of you

1 **Live

A flashlight covers a wide range of subjects
A laser hones in on one
You covered me with your entire body
But you only took my heart
I'm stuck in the darkness
Without you by my side
Why must you be my only source of light?

Once a boy danced,
And danced and danced
To the music of his own heart
He was not particularly skilled or good at all
But he felt joy when he moved his body to any sound in the air
then another boy joined him in his dancing
though they never quite touched
The second boy was aloof in his dancing
His movements never quite as true as the first
He never got too close or too far
Kept the boy's eyes on him enough for him not to look at anything else
As if scared or shrouded in another emotion besides joy
The first boy never stopped dancing
not even when the second boy stopped
stopped and left him alone
He danced and danced and danced
His arms became a blur
His tears leaked and dried
His heart stopped
He kept dancing to no music at all

I'm just bored of missing you
It's all I ever do

I have nothing left to write about since you became nothing to me
There goes all my poetry

I would steal the light of all the stars in the sky
Just so I could those eyes light up

I like the way you say my name
By passing it between our lips with a kiss

I think if I was ever with someone
I would touch their eyelids
Or the back of their knees
Places that aren't regularly touched
To remind them that I'm different
I really am
I think

I let people use me for my brain because that's the only time I feel important
I feel needed
Which is a lot more than I've ever felt from anyone
Especially you

You

Your love may be continuous
But only as a straight line
Although that's dumb because all lines are straight
Much like how you claim to be
Everyone I look at the derivative
The instantaneous rate of change of your love
I find that it's always zero
A constant really
Your words are true yet your heart is not
Not matter how many graphs or formulas I use
It's always 0

I like short poems
because they reflect life
Killed in an instant
Born in the next

Make me laugh after I cry
Every day
Just at least once in forever

The hype of living
makes me not want to live

Let Heaven storm down upon us when you break me
And Hell lift us when I recover

Nightmares are my only consolation after seeing you again
Dreams are my torture when I don't

The Day of Love is fast approaching
I only noticed it today
Another year of self-love
I don't think it's that bad
Being alone is what I'm good at
Well more of mediocre if I'm being honest

Your kiss speaks more than your words
Especially when it's with someone else

You and I

You're on the tip of my tongue
But I can't remember what I'm suppose to feel
Like something important I forgot to do
Only it's been a year of this feeling

Stop trying to talk to me in my dreams
It makes me believe they're real

Love is for the hopeless
Who still have hope

How do I get to Heaven
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get love
Without giving up something
How do I get to be happy
Without being sad

I was on the precipice of falling in love
And I turned away

I wish I could talk about you
But there's nothing to talk about

Kiss me like I'm different
From everyone else you've kissed
Love me like you've never loved anyone
Break me me in ways I haven't been broken before

What I thought I wanted before I met you

I think I have discovered something important
Something phenomonal
Gravity brings you in, pulls you down with its long reach
There is no force in the existence that does the opposite of that in any way
But I have found that love is the reverse of gravity
All it does is push the people close to me away
Repulse them really

'Tis a fool to say to be happy is to be in love
'Tis a genius to realize that to be in love is to be happy

If I were to hold your hand in my long skeletal fingers
Hold you tight against my thin body
Kiss you with my chapped lips
Whisper to you in a hoarse voice
Would you stay then ?