chlorine, sunscreen
  we don't breathe too deep
  I'm here, you're not
  I wish you were, I miss you lots
  summer sun, summer heat
  hot tiles beneath my feet

They don't care to ask
I shouldn't care about their cares
But I'm falling
Falling harder every day
Falling back into thirteen
And I have had a headache
(Pounding not through just my head
but my whole body
With every heartbeat)
Since seven-o-clock
I did not want
To tell you so

I have got something to tell you
That you might not want to hear
Or maybe you will. Want to.
I sometimes
When I'm calling you,
will dial my home phone,
Which is silly, because I've
had your number memorized since
8th grade
But I think it's because you feel like home
in my definitions of the world
And you make me feel at home
In myself

It isn't the days that hit me
hard, it is the nights
When, I admit it, I am overcome
and underwhelmed and shaken
I am ashamed to be a human being
To be a part of a race that so violently
mocks any shred of real humanity
And I am selfish and wretched
And I want to love other people
But all it does is make me feel sick
What are we doing to each other?
Self-destruction never stops with you
Perfection is unattainable and that is alright
Not enough understanding
And too much fear
I am proud and I am wrong and I sin
But I would rather dance the fool
I would rather never heal
Than watch what damage we do each other
This is our world we've inherited
But it will ever be on loan to our children
Children who will grow up
To be riddled with the fears of a dying world
And to be burned with the hate
And wickedness we have been sowing for ages
You can't fix it all
But when you are faced with a choice --
Your agency cannot be stolen
Your deeds will define you in ways none of us understand
And I wish to God
That I will make those who are yet-to-be gladdened

A wanting list to haunt
You
During your day
Days
A wanting

Blue rains
To drizzle into my hair
While the neighbors refuse to go inside

Franky-kind-of-fantastic
Glitzy-glamour red-hot nails

And here is our earth!
What have we done?

I want a haunting of
that peace
I felt sometime
Late last forever

Was it this morning,
or a year ago?

Blue rain
Red nails
Black thoughts
Silver stars
No peace

Sometimes --
Somtimes things just
   explode
and there's not a thing to do
So you have to sit back
and let them dazzle you
You couldn't change them,
even if you died trying

You're just a new soul
Swimming around with me
What are you going to say when they find you?
What's the highlight of your victory speech?
I'd like so to hold your hand
We plan your triumphs and mine
And pretend that we are worried
Everyone else will find us out
But these secret marvels are our own
This is something you can't synthesize
And I don't want it forever
Because it terrifies me
That I could take it as granted
That I can feel this wonderful.