I never asked you for the things you gave me
I never asked
But you didn't even care

If I had asked,
would you have shut me out?
Or would you have given more?
Of your overflowing wine
of life or love or energy
( or whatever it was
  that you folded into my hands
  like the most secret-sacred treasure map )

You would sometimes catch me
In a gaze like a doe
Ask me things
That took time to sink in
Because I was being distracted
By my urge to count your eyelashes

We could never go outside in the cold
Because you were terrified
That your breath would crystallize  and twist inside your lungs
But you loved to see how long you could hold your breath for
Underwater

There would be pauses
As time stilled to take a look at us
To check that we really were still there
And everything around us swirled
Like autumn leaves or glitter stars
Our glances would solidify
And memory struck out to capture snapshots

Everly, I never asked
Not even once, but you still gave
Everly, I can't quite grasp

I see you sometimes
When the sunshine's wounding bright
Yellow, cheerful, heavenly
And I look into the shadows
To find rest for my eyes
I can never keep straight the present and the past
So when I look in the shade
I see ghosts of you sprawled out, laughing, head tilted back, hands splayed

Your sighs were soft
But you only ever sighed them
When your face shone
With a lovely glow of indulgence

We watched Hitchcock religiously
We wouldn't give them up
You said that you liked Vertigo the best
But you never told me why

I'll hold your friendship
In the cup of my hands
While wonder fills up slowly
Where my thoughts should be
I'll peer over my thumbs
To steal a peek at the clear blue crystalline
Effervescent memories

I will remember you foreverly
My word

I like the way that you hold your guitar, just as if it were the center of your being and all your smiles and scars were as engraved as you pretend I am upon your heart

We both know that it’s a ploy and we don’t stop, we dig right in with vengeance customary of the long-forgotten crusades against the ones we thought were wrong

And if I’ve ever kissed you a goodbye, please forget me now or sometime soon, you see, I only kiss the people I dislike, and please forgive me post haste

But don’t forget to tip the waiter, you always did, or was that just to con me into putting my arm ‘round your waist in an apology for paying my own way, I’ll never know

Your eyes reminded me of pearls, every time, and they opened up into the color of the sky on the brightest night, or can you ever understand just what this means

I couldn’t ever get over your tears, they stung me as if they’d been my own blood

You held me as if you were trying to imprint urgency into my soul to match the depth of loneliness you thought I held to cover up my ears, but you were wrong

Because the way I toss and turn and twist when I’m asleep you were so concerned that I had something you could not repair, renew, replace with silken sincere sweetness

But cold and desolate is something that I could never be, I’m built off center without the bit that programs things important such as
Self-preserving fear and envy, things that people say I need or I’ll just end up broken down somewhere, I don’t believe you, I can see just how you set things up to your advantage, that’s a human thing, rest assured, and do not be so afraid,
There’s so much reason to the way you think and feel

So I’ll take your hand as we walk to the tracks, I will not kiss you a goodbye, my precious friend we have told too much, the stories overlap and run.

I’ll turn to you as you tug on my arm, you think perhaps there’s one last chance to keep me here, don’t waste your time, Farewell, I loved you all the way

Your eyes reminded me of pearls, reflected from the bottom of the ocean up into the starry sky

Let's not do this again
I'm not going to be the one in the middle
You know as well as I do
We just can't take much more
She's the choice you've got to make


(Who's walking out the door?)

I fought
I caught
I tried
I lied
It didn't work out
Try a new thing
Your scent
Not meant
To steal
My feel
Away, the birds flew away
Dear Austin,
Don't throw
Yourself in front of trains
Your smile
Cuts wheat
From all the lit-up fields
The flow
The show
The things we hang from walls
You know
The drills
The chills
The thrills
Don't sweat
The things
That we stole from the sea
Your threat
The bet
Why don't they just see for themselves
We whiled
Our time
To things, things, things, things, things
You get
Your kicks
From novelty and svelte foreigners
I like to spy
On people in the library

Did I happen yesterday?
Did I see the sun?

Did I happen yesterday?
Where can I find a nook
To tell you what I stole?
Did I happen yesterday?

Intoxicating run
Purpled ink flowing free
Instead of eking blood

When shall we say the things we know?
When do you let me in?
Did I happen yesterday?
Is telling life a sin?

Do you remember Mexico?
How old were we then, twelve?
That place was so loved
It smelled like dust and slow-cooked beans
We caught a toad
We painted dorms
El Sauzal, the willow, the willow
A beaten-up concrete playground
Bright, yellow sun
Red, sticky Fanta
Worn-in smiles adjusting to the smell of strangers
I fell in love with a Mexican boy
We didn't even play soccer together
Watched a movie in a language neither of us spoke
Climbed trees with leaves that needed a rake
Cleaned a nursery room
Told scary stories around a red campfire
Letting the world seep into our veins
Saw the dolphins when we camped at the beach
Named and re-named the tick-ridden dogs
The water was wetter
The air was headier
The sun shined more unrelentingly, more heavenly
The blisters harder-won
The rain more of a blessing
The life so much more tangible and delicious