Sometimes I think
"I'm losing my mind"
It hurts me to realize
That we aren't built to survive
I wish
That we could want life
Instead of this clamor to die
Sometimes imaginary words
Can't heal
The black and blue hues of old harms

I want you, no lie
Just not now
Not right now
Can't handle your madcap adventures
I'm still recuperating
Because I think your love broke my heart

Normally,
I'd love to hear

But not today
No, sorry, no

You expect me to be okay with this
You told me how
You loved me
More than the other girls

And I just wanted to go
Somewhere else
Not in particular
Only away

I was tempted
Think of the status!
The smirks I could hand out
Like halloween candy
(bitter, isn't it?)

And the time I could spend
Just wasting away with you
Volatile and triumphant

And then I was at the edge of a pool
So calm and decided and right

Then the thought snuck in
That maybe you need me,
maybe forever, maybe just one night

And I was disgusted
With me for considering
(You're like a child, after all)
With you for discovering me
But only post-four-month-wait

I really don't mean
Half the things that I say
Don't be intrigued by
My careless lies
You don't deserve me
I don't want you

So let's just call it a day

I...
I just want to wait it all out
Maybe if I cry enough tears I can drown
But I...
I don't want to make any more holes
And I don't want to feel any weaker
So why, why can't we pretend
That this never happened

Next time, maybe, I'll withstand your storm
And next time, I will try to be prepared
Next time I won't get that close
I'll know what's hot enough to burn me
I find it hard to care
That you "didn't mean to"
Next time, I won't be so naive
And I'll be more than ready

So I...
I will find a way out
And I will not sacrifice myself for you
I...
I am growing old
And tired of litanies of lies
You will not meet my eyes
As you apologize
But I don't need you to

My shadow stretched out long behind me
To meet the shadow of my lover
I was jealous that she could brush
     Even a shade of him
She chastised me and whispered,
             "Do not envy
                    Do not mourn
               He rarely
                        But hurt you"
   So I spent my precious moments
Wondering how this wisp of me
                    (A reflection, in a sense?)
Could know such things,
      What did she know!
She disappeared as I walked further,
   Wishing I could saunter and sway
But I did not
      Because she had told me
Something to push the line of logic
   And bring tears of relief unshed to my eyes

I just wanna say
How unlikely  you are
Hey, boy, but I like you
And the stretch from truth ain't far

Multicolored lights
Dancing on the wall
Hey boy, but you fascinate
And that's just overall

How about you and me
Take a waltzy twirl
Hey boy, but it's wonderful
And I love the way you curl

I rose up
and greeted the sun
with pieces of a smile

My brain fogged over
filled with slithering dreams
made of sap

Dust motes
filled my windows,
golden wraiths
twisting to my heartbeat

Slow-motion thoughts
could not get across
so I sped away
through the air

We met halfway
With stories
And warmth

Busily, I swept away
The lingering
Of cobwebby sleep

My mind rose,
A lazy creature
Warmed by the sun
Into wakefulness