I can feel it.
When I'm across from you.
I can feel it.
When I'm lost with you.
I can feel it.
When I'm home with you.
I can feel it.
When I'm inside of you.
I can feel it.
When I'm torn from you.
I can feel it.
Can you?

Your eyes say no.
Your hands feel cold.
Your heart yells no.
You break the hold.

Can you feel it?
Can you FEEL it?
Can you stop lying
And just try to?

When you lie with him
That's when I know you do.
But with me it's all empty.  
You can't feel it.

But I do.

And you know it.
You can feel that I feel it.
So you use me up till I'm empty too.
Because you're angry that I'm feeling you
When you can't even begin to feel you.

You give your love to he who hates you
Because only he can begin to relate to you
With me you share just your bitter hatred
Because I love you in spite of you

Inside you're raging
Inside you're crying
Inside you're broken.
But you secretly love it too.

And I can feel it.
I feel scared.
I feel alone.
I feel trapped.
I feel... I feel...
I FEEL YOU.

It's inside me.
It never leaves.
It pretends to love.
Really though, it just feeds.

It feeds voraciously,
never satisfied.
I lie courageously,
behind a web I hide.

The hunger is never sated.
My life seems so badly fated.
I am a slave to the empty soul inside
that feeds on others standing beside.

Love won't ever sate the beast.
Hate cannot deny the beast.
Tears do not assuage the beast.
Fears do not delay the beast.

And yet I only love the beast.
I let it rise inside like a spiritual yeast.
I let it rule my mind where it loves to feast.
I don't hate this thing inside of me...
I am a willing pawn of the beast.

Despite all the beast requires as payment,
Life, Liberty, and Eternal Enslavement
I still adore this beast.
I love being its pavement
As it tramples my being
Until I'm soul spent, godless, and unbelieving.

And so I slowly degrade
Destroying lives as I fade
Into the nothingness the beast's desire has made
For this beast inside me is more than a shade
It's an enveloping night, the reality to my charade.

So in my mind like in a booth
I contemplate this reality uncouth
And I have come to an understanding...
The man is a lie, the beast is my truth.

I swim alone in this ocean of emasculation
Not knowing how to find emancipation
From this feeling of destined damnation
And all you say is *******.

I beg you to help me find salvation
To free me from these heart palpitations
To help me find my self-identification
And all you say is *******.

I need real *******
From your love and physical sensation
Due to our supposed relation
And all you say is *******.

And so I do.
And I begin to hate you.
And I begin to see through.
Through all of you.

You know what?
*******.

Love. The only feeling that is
HATE
FEAR
POWER
***
SACRIFICE
DEATH
LIFE
SADNESS
JOY
and so many others...to so many others...for so many others...

So why do we crave it?
Why do we blame it?
Why do we enslave it?
Why do we **** it?
Why do we steal it?
Why do we covet it?
Why do we lust for it?
How can this be love?

Love can be a sickness
A disease
A plague
A fog
A haze
An addiction
An affliction.

So why do they say it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all?

Because we are all crazy. And we don't even know it.
And those of us who do are alone and can't control it.

I'm in love.
And I love it.

Why did I see you as a hero for so long?
I thought you were the one amongst the throng
The one who would last through the short and the long
And then you showed your true colors...

Not the red and blue of superman
Or the midnight black of that bat of a man
Not the shining green of the lantern man
Or the yellow and black of the gruff clawed man

But the sickly green of a rotting bog
The hazy gray of a blinding fog
The sickly yellow that drifts off stinking dogs
The deepest black before my hopeless nod

The nod of self-realization that nothing was as you said
You just threw me to the dead
My mind coming out of my head
As I screamed your name and saw thick hot red.

Then I knew for the first time ever
That life can not be lived forever
That since your dead and we're not together
My hero must be myself or death in this weather

And the forecast is rain
from below the forehead
and above the nose.

You can take the love but that leaves anger
You can take the anger but that leaves sadness
You can take the sadness but that leaves emptiness
You can fill the empty but that gives falsehood
You can tell the truth but that reveals nothing
Because you're false
You're false because you're empty
You're empty because you're sad
You're sad because you're angry
You're angry that you're lover is false.

You love yourself.

They live in my mind all the time and they don't know.
They dwell in my heart all the time and they don't know.
They are the cause for it all and they don't know.
They are the most precious of my things and they don't know.
They cause the sun to shine gray and they dont know.
They cause the dark to go away and they don't know.
They steal the breath from me and they don't know.
They cause the life in me and they don't know.

Being without them is a living death
An undeath.

And I'm scared I'm getting used
to the exsistence of this
I can feel me dying
And yet there is nothing amiss.

I feel normal and so I must truly be lost.
I feel alive when I know I am not.
I feel content when there is only loss.
I must be dead and my soul was the cost.