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A B Perales Oct 2015
I could make out familiar shapes in the darkened single room apartment.
A thin bar of flashing neon red came in through the minor separation in the resin stained curtains.
I secured the door with the cheap throw latch and the thin chain.
She heard the click then spoke from deep within the darkness.
"Is it locked?"she asked, even though she knew it was.
"Yea" I answered knowing that she needed to hear me say it in order to calm the  madness in her head.
I switched on a shadeless lamp as she nodded her head and mumbled something to the demons who lived inside of her.
She sat cross legged on the neatly made bed  picking bits of  lint off the folded pink comforter while humming a song I had never heard.
I looked her over before she had a chance to turn the lights back out like she always did.
Her bangs hung over her deep pocket eyes and her nails had all been bitten down to the flesh.
It looked like she had dyed the tips of her hair a greenish blue color.
She had one of my old Black Flag T-shirts on and baggy black sweat pants. Her light brown almost amber eyes were blood shot.
  Her blinks were slow almost robotic and she had a fresh light scratch across her chin.
She looked good compared to the last time I had seen her.
  I moved carefully across the room toward the tiny kitchen and switched on  the light.
The single bare bulb flickered itself to life as the cockroaches all fled and vanished like magic.  
  I heard her move from the bed to the door as she checked the lock.
Then click off the lamp before her hurried footsteps took her back toward the safety of her bed.
  I left the honey bun and the beef jerky on the counter where I knew she'd find it later on when she was hungry. I stopped and took a Tupperware bowl from the cupboard and placed it over the snacks to keep the roaches away.
  She had  stopped eating in front of me over a year ago.
Right around the time she made me move out.
  I found some ice cubes in her empty freezer and came back out carrying the ***** and a plastic cup.
I topped off the cup and took a moment to let the ice melt.
I swirled the cup in a clockwise motion and tried not to stare at her.
I took a swig  before handing it to her.
She took the cup in both hands without ever looking up.
She slurped her drink and released a tiny gasp as the fire burned down into her gut.
  I sat down  on the edge of the bed and waited for her to come around  like I always did.
I  leaned in toward the 13' black and white TV she never  watched and turned it on.
The television  played only static    I noticed there was no cable or rabbit Ears attached to it then wondered if there ever had been.
  I flipped through the static covered channels until  she said
"Leave it there". So I did.
  I leaned back on my elbows  and felt her hand rest on my shoulder.
I carefully placed my own hand on top of hers, she almost pulled away as I did so.
But something deep beneath  the madness that had taken her away from me stopped her. She gently stroked my hand with her thumb.
I couldn't help but grip hers a little tighter all in hopes of maybe in some way bringing her back from that child like state she had fallen into almost 2 years ago now.
There we sat almost  holding hands like the way we used to do.
Both of us staring at the static littered TV screen.  
All was silent all except for that sound of her humming that song I couldn't recognize and the static from the television she never watched.
The static that filled the air with that timeless white noise of confusion.
A B Perales Oct 2015
The blackboard had been wiped clean
of all the equations and answers.
All but one question remained.
"Why Are You Here?"

My first thought was
I'm here to try and
keep myself out of
there.

I'm here to bring
attention to
the broken hearts,
the alcoholic writers
and the dreams we
never share.

I'm here to show my face
and prove to them that
I am  everything  they
could not  ****.

I'm here to read the works
the mad men left
behind.
I'm here for the ******,
the ***** and the one
night stands.

I'm here to fall in love
and fall out of favor.

I'm here to use as much
as I can without dying.

I'm here to break their laws
and  to expose all those who claim
to understand this vision.

I'm here to **** them off and
provide them with  reasons
to speak thy name in vain.

I'm here to steal from
the rich and keep it.

I'm here to write it
all down without
losing my mind or my life.

I'm here to avoid the crowds
and admire the
empty city streets at midnight.

I'm here to burn the red candles and
fear not the coming age.

I'm here for what lays beyond
the ice.
Here to share the
secrets they  all **** to keep.

I'm here to give thanks to
La Muerte, Little Martha
and The Skinny girl.

I'm here for the girls who
sing alone and shiver at the memories
of growing up  in a broken home.

I'm here to write something that the
Convicts and the Delinquents could
both relate to.

I'm here for that Raven haired
girl with the perfect bangs and
sculpted brows.
The girl who smiled her Blood red lips
and called me Dangerous.

I'm here to write about the Hummingbird,
the lonely Writer  and the habit that
killed a certain girls everything.

I'm here to laugh as they
all cry.
Here to cheer over their hissing sounds.
Here to celebrate at their time of mourning.

I'm here to be as far apart
from all of you as I can.

I'm here for the invitation
that I never received.

I'm here to take the
blame and provide an escape.

Here to prove her right when
she was oh so wrong.

I'm here to act as if I didn't know.
Here to play with the
guilt that plagues them in their sleep.

Here for the Latch key kids
and unwanted dogs.

I'm here for DMT ,the LSD
and the secrets they both
hold but never tell.

I'm here even though
most times I wish I  wasn't.

I'm here all alone
although it
wasn't always this way.

I'm here to try and put these
words in their place.

Here to keep their spirits
up while trying to keep
my own from dying.

Here to fill the pages the young
will read tomorrow.

Here to share what it is I do
without exposing my true sorrows.

I'm here to finish what they  
started without mimicking their style.

I'm here to keep them
on their toes while
concentrating on tomorrow.

I'm here to remove the  Globe
from all curriculum's.

Here to put an ending to
all of the foolish lies.

I'm here to answer your questions
as honestly I can.

I'm here today but can be gone
tomorrow.

I don't know what we're all
doing here,
I can only speak
for me.
A B Perales Oct 2015
The music wasn’t too loud and the band played only instrumental music.
Music that I found rather pleasant as it drifted its way above the senseless conversation and obnoxious laughter of one particular group of young drunk ladies .

The potted plastic plants stood stone silent next to the cheap pressed wood tables filled with used paper plates ,plastic forks, wadded up napkins and half full clear plastic cups.
The flower arrangements at each table had all began to droop as the air became more stale with the sweat and the breath of the drunken people whose beauty they were all meant to admire.
I heard about how stiff the drinks were and how long the ladies room line was.
I overheard conversations about money and addicted daughters, ******* bosses and good deals on tires.
I heard them admire the fact there was no traffic on the way here and how the food was ok.
I purposely listened for any comment made about the dying young flowers whose time was cut short in order to be at their table.
I listened the whole night .
I heard no such thing.

A pair of huge ******* brushed against my bad shoulder as a large woman with dyed black hair and too much jewelry on began to speak into my ear.
She spilled a splash of her drink on my only good pair of shoes.
She knew what she did but never bothered to apologize.

The cheap faux wooden dance floor laid there like a minefield devoid of the swaying bodies and sweaty torsos.
Yet for some reason the music still played on.

I noticed she had a strange need to be as close to you as possible as she spoke.
Her conversation was about as cheap as my shoes and the empty linoleum dance floor.

The party balloons began to lose their ability to float above the senseless conversation,
cheap cologne ,dying young flowers, plastic plants and plastic *******.
I smiled as they began to slowly fall to the floor.

For the third time that night I cursed my decision to come here and mill about with the rest of the cattle.
I went to the bar and got another drink.

Overweight women with undersized clothing stood in line to the single stalled ladies room like needy mothers in a well fare line.

This pair of ******* kept themselves snug against my bad shoulder as the lip stick painted mouth with the tobacco stained teeth kept on about what she did and where she went, who she knew and where she wanted to be and how badly she wanted to smoke.

I downed my drink, the drinks were strong, the drinks were good.
I stopped her in mid sentence and said.
“The trees they all die in silence in the forest’.

I made my way towards the exit passed the dying flowers and the sweaty men.
I hit the double doors with all I had and stepped out into the welcoming night.
I took in the scents of the salt water and the burning fuel, the taco truck across the street and the ***** still on my lips.

Before I left I went back in and tipped the Mexican bartender a 20 dollar bill.
Him and his stiff drinks were obviously the life of the party and the only real reason I was glad I came.
A B Perales Oct 2015
I don't need
you to
Love me
I just need you
to do what
I want.
A B Perales Oct 2015
I wish to watch them bleed and pay for their selfish deeds.
I want to hold her hand as we watch their mansions burn .
I need to know the last of their kind has been brought to their knees.
I long for the children in the sweatshops to be allowed a little fun.
I plan on taking from the filthy rich and keeping it.
A B Perales Sep 2015
.
They tell us what is and isn’t fantasy.
Instantly numbing the mind of any hope
of any chance at creating something
pure of all their rules.

I can’t say I knew it or I seen it coming.
I can’t say I’ve never been here before.
And I still can’t figure out why I would
ever want to come back.

Its the signs and symbols not the rulers and the laws.
The veil is lifting and what’s hiding beneath will leave
you questioning everything until your mind goes weak
and you give in to the eye.

It went from Stein to Stain and none of us even noticed.
Mirror Mirror to Magic Mirror
Who's playing these games
with our minds.

When the light is revealed don’t expect to see me.
They’ll want my tongue and my writing hand.
Both of which I'll manage to live without.
A B Perales Sep 2015
The louder
the
music.
The quieter
the
screams.
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