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A B Perales Mar 2014
They gave me a
29 page pamphlet on
what I can no longer
enjoy.
There wasn't one line
on what I  could
abuse.

We all have our outs,
our ways to escape
it all for a few
needed
moments.
A purpose or a
vice.

My mother has her
wine,
my father his
faith and his guns.
My brothers all
have their futures,
my friend his
Lalo.

All I have
is this,
and if it
ever leaves
me ,
if the words stop
coming.

Then what am I
but another
empty useless
soul ,taking
up space.
Fighting off the
demons,
waiting on the
darkness to come.
A B Perales Mar 2014
Shuffling stones sing
sad love songs with
the waves.

Evil gulls stared
at the
setting sun
with dead
spots for eyes.

I wrote a
name in the
sand.

I sat with my
back to the
world .

Worked on
the *****
and watched as
the tide slowly
took it away.
A B Perales Mar 2014
He laid in the sun
    like he ruled the earth,
    he held onto the
wine bottle
     with a hand heavily scared
      with the marks
of suffering.

    He toasted the
sea and the surf,
    cursed the
gulls and the gnats.

     Then brought the bottle
to his dried and
cracked
lips and drank
as if the
    last grape
     of the world had
let its blood
     into his bottle.

     He laughed at
a memory
     then yelled at
the sun and
       everyone around
him was a peasant.

    His lips bled red
as he gulped mouth
fulls of wine.
The memory of
her along this very beach
caused his inner
rage to drum forth.

     He gripped handfuls
of sand as he silently
Dammed the serpents
all to Hell.

  He mumbled drunken
thanks to
    Minerva, Osiris, Hera
     and Anu.

      The shadowed world
looked down upon him
     and the feral cats adored him.
     He lived like true royalty,
drunk and alone.

Care free and forgotten
he had become once
he had awoke to it all.
Ridiculed and labeled CRAZY
for his ability to see
it all for what it really
was,for what it really
still is.

She left this page
on a Saturday as he
slept on a chair
beside her hospital bed.
He buried her
on a Tuesday,
then set about to
drinking.

He broke free
of it all,
detached himself
from this farce
and
set about to wonder.
Now free of the
pollution they call society,
he waited only
on the next life,
on that next page.

Where she had promised him
they'd meet again...
A B Perales Mar 2014
Steer clear,
curve wide your ways
upon the artist,
the poet,
and the deliverer
of the inside view.

Unwelcome am I
upon your marble steps.
And unwelcome
are those with trained
thoughts within
these guarded walls
of the
City of the Heart.

Dare not tainted ones
cross my plains.

For my poetry and
my art will tear at
your flesh with an
Obsidian knife.
Whose only made purpose
is to ****.
A B Perales Mar 2014
I cast my shine
far back into the
darkest of times.

I'm looking for
the reason,
a word,
the moment that
will complete
this next line.

I'm rummaging
like a wino in
the trash for
something worth
salvaging.

I'll pull out a
worthy memory
like a rabbit
by the ears.
Lay it all out
letter by
let down by
shinning moment.

That feeling which
is this hole
in my
chest where love
once lived begins
to fill
with every line
completed.

I began to smile
and soon feel
whole.

Each one completed
is another one
ended.
And once again
I began to
panic.
A B Perales Mar 2014
Give me one reason to
grin and I'll
give you ten reasons to
frown.
Show me something
to cherish
and I'll throw
the rest of
this stash
away.

Offer me another
chance and I'll
probably take it.

Prove to me
none of it was
worth it and
I'll force
myself to agree.

Explain to me once more
how they walk around,
drive around,
fly around so blind
to it all and I
still won't
understand.

Present to me
the reasoning
of my past.
Justify my suffering,
and I'll write you
a tragedy full of
realness,
and beauty.
A B Perales Mar 2014
If I was to
awake to more
than just a
foggy,hungover,
shadow of a memory
of that girl I know
was here the night
before.
Would I feel less
alone throughout the day?
If there was to be more
than just the water stained
ceiling and the
yellow, faded,
dust dressed lamp
shade to rest
my eyes upon
as the night time
drug laced,hungover
haze falls
from my view.
Would my days
appear brighter?

I always sense
the slightest smell
of her cigarettes and
the taste of stale  *****
in the mornings after .
How I secretly
long for
her pouty lips
that always
seem to carry
that bitter ***** Martini
taste.

All that is left
of her until
the next late
night hour,
unannounced drunken
visit,
is the lip
stick stained cigarette
butts in the abalone
shell.
The indentation
left by her hips and her
shoulder in the down.
And the slightest scent
of her cheap perfume
that always sticks around
for days after
shes gone.

These shadows left
behind by her
curves
and her wit
constantly
reminding me of
how empty this
place truly
is without her presence .

We both apparently
agree
that  its
better this way,
cheap and discreet,
never promised and
always unannounced.
I secretly and simply
go along with
her suggestion.
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