Word of the day - UITWAAIEN
Meaning - to take a break to clear one’s head
_________
To reach the wind
you have to go through the storm
and I went through that too
hailstorm and a thunderstorm
but now I want that peace
I longed for.
It will be easy they said
Try it, they said.
Nothing about this is easy.
Everyday I try to convince myself
to get up from the bed
and move ahead
and everyday I see myself fail.
To see your own face in the mirror
which once used to smile
every second of the day
now studded with regret, sadness
and every drop of tear shed
stuck on that face.
To see your own self
struggling to smile
or even utter a word to anyone
is the worst of it all.
At times like this
I always whisper to myself
“Escape”
because that’s the only thing I know
and what I am good at,
running away.
To clear my head,
to walk in the wind
to sleep on the gentle white clouds
to take a jog amongst the nature
to leave the misery behind
and never return,
never.

Word of the day- TOHUBOHU
Meaning- chaos/disorder
_______
Who said every chaos is beautiful ?
Falling for him
is just like a messed up thing.
Everything comes all at once,
altogether
and every emotion is hightened.
It’s a tornado of feelings
and once it hits you,
it destroys the peace.
Love is a beautiful feeling
but with love comes a price to pay,
which is chaos.
And baby,
I would do it all again
just to see you
smile through your mess.
Because when those lips
curve into a smile
along with your eyes
watering from thinking
about how messy you
plus your life are,
I feel proud
and somehow
that makes me
love you even more.
And what I said earlier
I stand by that,
Chaos is messy
and
Mess is chaos
and that isn’t beautiful all the time,
but the power one smile holds
over a person
is more than enough
to love that chaotic person
and their messy life.
So I repeat
I would do it all again
to see you smile
the way you do.

Word of the day - STRIKHEDONIA
Meaning - the pleasure of being able to say “to hell with it”
_________
The way he asked me out
to a date
at a small cafe
near his place
with a book in my backpack
wearing pajamas
and a coffee with him
with lots of fangirl moments
and some tears to shed
over dead characters,
made me say yes.
For past twenty three years
I have been saving myself
for the prince on white horse
but not today.
“To hell with it”
I am going on a date with this man
who claimed
that one “yes” from me
made him cheer up.
I am ecstatic
for this date
with the man
who made me say “yes”

Word of the day - RANTIPOLE
Meaning - wild and reckless
________
He called me a *****.
A cigarette smoking
******* every guy in the vicinity
giving slutty vibes
wearing tiny clothes *****.
I wasn’t one.
I was just living.
******* guys gave me pleasure.
Smoking cigarettes gave me a sense of control over life.
Wearing tiny clothes gave me confidence.
Giving away **** vibes gave me yearning stares from men.
I was a hot-headed human.
I had that devil-may care attitude in my purse.
And I liked myself that way.
So when he called me a *****.
It led me to another hasty decision of mine.
The scissors I had in my purse made love with chest,
and I didn’t run away.
I stood there, watching his face lose words.
Watching his lips shutting and his hands covered in blood.
And when I realised he was about to lose it, I called 9-1-1
and before running away,
I bent down, whispered in his ear
“I am not a *****”

Word of the day - QUONDAM
Meaning - once, but no longer
______
There was a time
when all your tears
were supposed to be shed
on my shoulder.
There was a time
when my arms
were just meant
to hold you at night.
There was a time
when your poetry
talked about
you me and us.
There was a time
when one smile from me
radiated your heart
and made you smile.
There was a time
when more than anything
even more than yourself
you loved me.
There was a time
when leaving everyone behind
I used to come at your place
to make you laugh.
There was a time
when every second of the day
went by
thinking about you.
And now this is the time
when my shoulders are bare
and there is no head
on them to support.
And now this is the time
when my arms
are clinging to
the air around me.
And now this is the time
when your words
lack the one thing
which made them meaningful, me.
And now this is the time
when my smile
or my tears
doesn’t even reach you.
And now this is the time
when in this whole wide world
amongst all the people
I am the most hated by you.
And now this is the time
where I sit by my bed
all day all night
with the hope that one day you will arrive.
And now this is the time
when I still think about you
but your thoughts
have taken a wrong turn.
It once was,
a special kind of love
but it
no longer is.

Word of the day - PHILOPHOBIA
Meaning - fear of falling in love
______
I stopped.
Everytime I knew,
that I could wind up
on this path
I halted my footsteps.
Everytime I turned my back,
on the person infront of me
because I was too scared
to love him back.
Even if I saw
life blooming in his eyes,
if I felt
happiness emanating from him,
I still went away
because I was too afraid
to give this a shot,
afraid
of what will happen if that doesn’t work.
My optimism failed at that time
because negative thoughts filled my head
when it came to
imagining myself
in the arms of another.
I always pictured myself
sitting between a group of friends,
single and alone.
And I used to be happy,
but since the day I saw him
and I met him and I talked to him,
I realise I don’t want to be happy like this.
I want him to be the one,
to hold me when I cry myself out at night.
I want him to be the one,
to laugh at my lame jokes.
I want him to be the one,
to look up at him and say “I am not afraid”
And that’s what I did.
I gave him a chance.
But yesterday,
he left me,
for another woman.
He said, and I quote
“I never loved you”
and no, my heart didn’t break into pieces.
I didn’t shed tears, my eyes were dry to the core.
My soul didn’t die.
What died was my hope.
And now I wasn’t terrified of that road
I just hated that road.
So if another man comes crawling to me now,
to give me a chance,
sorry, but not sorry
I don’t have the will
to say “yes.”

Word of the day - OPIA
Meaning - the ambiguous intensity of eye contact
______
All over the world,
I’ve heard legends
about an evil soul
re-birthed
because one woman,
dressed all in white,
her beauty like nature’s light,
her lips, full and cherry red
and her eyes,
eyes like that of a huntress.
One look from her,
and the dead man reawakened,
from love, from passion.
I never believed in the lore.
A man and woman
conversing in the language of eyes.
But two hours ago,
I met such a huntress
and once my eyes met hers,
no fireworks erupted around us
no violin strings
no flower petals falling from up above
just a wave of peace
and calmness
took over my soul.
I have committed dark sins
that stole my sleep at night
but one look from her
and I wasn’t terrified anymore
because I believed,
I had a chance at redemption.
I suddenly trusted the darkness
that resided in me.
Just one look
and I knew that
I could be purified too.
It wasn’t love.
It was magic,
and a dose of it
was all I needed
to be re-birthed.