i met a girl
she loved the smell of salt and earth and summer rain
she was blind. but only to her own mind. the inner workings.
what kept ticking and what had stopped. she couldn't fix the bad parts.
tried replacing them with flowers and broken shells.
maybe if they could fit just right. just maybe.

one day she fell while walking along the beach
looking for the perfect piece
but quickly sprang to her feet,
she swept the sand from her hair and sun from her eyes
minutes passed before she noticed the blood on her knees
she sat quietly on the shore
and watched the stream run down her leg and into the water
as the waves carried her blood out to sea
her thoughts spiraled
"how can i ever fix this?"
a man walked by and offered his hand but she shook her head
and said nothing.


everything you feel
like great big drops of blood
pooling up until they run
pouring out and getting lost
swept away until they're forgotten.
the salt water stings like every time
you said "i hate you." and "why can't i change?"


i never came here to change her. you have to believe that if you don't believe anything.

what separates my bones from the sea
shells break with every crashing wave
tiny lives destroyed and swept out
never to be seen again.

you said, "that's the way of it."

at night my mind spirals
thoughts as loud as wolves protecting their young.

i saw you shine
a world away, beyond every dead star
blood in your teeth
biting on words you wish you'd never spoken
cutting into that part of you that's hidden

your eyes punished me for dreaming
every door slammed in my face
every phone shattered against the wall
is that how you want to be remembered?
can i write about who you really were now?
about the glass on the floor
and the hands around my neck
about the summer rain we drowned in
the flowers blooming from your throat
choking on love spilling off your tongue,
this is who we really were
saving smiles for when the door closed.

you were so bright,
so bright i couldn't see
but so dark i couldn't breathe
you took the light and dark from me
you mixed them up until i couldn't choose.
your hands moved so fast
hiding the pieces i needed
"left or right?"
frantically, i tried to remember
but you lifted both hands and there was nothing.

i grew a part of you

a piece i can't take back

i saw your face wrapped up tight

in a hall with blue walls and doors

left there alone

forgetting winter and all of your

bad habits

what i tried so hard to but

could never propagate

the sense of being here and being

enough

ten stones for ten years



"we'll meet again"

the sun keeps shining

on the days when i'm sure

that all of the blood in me

could never keep this going

and

spring's new leaves

have blown away



i remember

the forest i've built with what was left

the holes in my bones filled up with sand

and glass and stones

the very ones i placed so carefully

in your hands

every time i asked

please

don't let

go.

love is deaf and blind and numb
lost in waters too deep to swim
you looked right at me and became the whole wide world.

your fingers play piano on my bones
notes that i've never heard
you sang loud and hard,
"can we forget, can we forget?"
but i plugged my ears and wept through the song.

how are you sitting so lonely
on the other end of town

the trees sway in the spring breeze
constellations blotted out by the tower lights

we met and walked apart
two left feet and nowhere to go
combing beaches, sand in our hair and hands

i am the dirt beneath your nails you can't get out
the lie, the pool of red in the corner of your eyes
from spending too many nights awake

dance together in a black and white world
where stars scorch the sky when we make love
your bony fingers weaved through my hair
your name held on my tongue.

i loved you all those years ago
like the winter loved the spring

i held your hands, heavier then,
braver then.
your eyes told stories i couldn't breathe in
for fear that the cold would never go.

you were
the calm before the storm unseen
the window never noticed
the lights shut off in time to hide
and what i knew i didn't need.