“I can believe things that are true
and things that aren't true
and I can believe things
where nobody knows
if they're true or not. 

I can believe in Santa Claus
and the Easter Bunny
and the Beatles
and Marilyn Monroe
and Elvis
and Mister Ed.
Listen -
I believe that people are perfectable,
that knowledge is infinite,
that the world is run
by secret banking cartels
and is visited by aliens
on a regular basis,
nice ones
that look like wrinkled lemurs
and bad ones who mutilate cattle
and want our water and our women. 

I believe that the future *****
and I believe that the future rocks
and I believe that one day
White Buffalo Woman is going to come back
and kick everyone's ***.
I believe that all men
are just overgrown boys
with deep problems communicating
and that the decline
in good *** in America
is coincident
with the decline in drive-in movie theaters
from state to state. 

I believe that all politicians
are unprincipled crooks
and I still believe that they are better
than the alternative.
I believe that California
is going to sink into the sea
when the big one comes,
while Florida
is going to dissolve into madness
and alligators
and toxic waste. 

I believe that antibacterial soap
is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease
so that one day
we'll all be wiped out by the common cold
like martians in War of the Worlds. 

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century
were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis,
that jade is dried dragon *****,
and that thousands of years ago
in a former life
I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. 

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars.
I believe that candy
really did taste better when I was a kid,
that it's aerodynamically impossible
for a bumble bee to fly,
that light is a wave and a particle,
that there's a cat in a box somewhere
who's alive and dead
at the same time
(although
if they don't ever open the box
to feed it
it'll eventually just be
two different kinds of dead),
and that there are stars in the universe
billions of years older
than the universe itself. 

I believe in a personal god
who cares about me
and worries
and oversees everything I do.
I believe in an impersonal god
who set the universe in motion
and went off to hang with her girlfriends
and doesn't even know
that I'm alive.
I believe in an empty and godless universe
of causal chaos,
background noise,
and sheer blind luck. 

I believe that anyone
who says *** is overrated
just hasn't done it properly.
I believe that anyone
who claims to know what's going on
will lie about the little things too. 

I believe in absolute honesty
and sensible social lies.
I believe in a woman's right to choose,
a baby's right to live,
that while all human life is sacred
there's nothing wrong with the death penalty
if you can trust the legal system
implicitly,
and that no one but a *****
would ever trust the legal system. 

I believe that life is a game,
that life is a cruel joke,
and that life is what happens
when you're alive
and that you might as well
lie back and enjoy it.”

She stopped,
out of breath.

She was as smooth as Tarantino dialogue.
And you could tell she was dangerous.
But she seemed more content to dagger me with words
than shoot me with the guns at her hips;
maybe that's why they were penned with a point
and drawn in a deep black ink.
I thought she wanted to tie me down
'cause that's what she wanted me to think.
She talked on how she'd change her ways
and how she could help me do the same;
she spoke of working towards a living
rather than dying like a slave.
She led me to my own room,
to sheets that once were bright and red
but had now faded to maroon rust
like the blood of those long dead.
She showed me every country in the world
without us leaving from my den.
She brought me every star in the night sky
without ever reaching up a hand.
She took me around the world
in much less than eighty days,
but she was gone when the morning came.
She took my money, drugs and faith.

He said
I don’t understand
I’m so simple,
Your complicated
To you everything crosses over
All of it is interrelated.
I am into linear thinking
After this happens
This is created.
Keep lines from touching
Situations separated.
He takes a step forward
Foot hitting hot pavement
Pointing to squares of the sidewalk,
Ones split down the middle
The other shattered
An asymmetrical lace
Like pattern.
And what he really said
Was simply
“this ones you and this ones me”
But that’s what he wanted me to see.
And I saw all the situations
I had thought the exact same thing
And how to him this conversation
Probably seemed like random conversation
Without a place or destination,
He’s probably wondering
Why it would leave me sad,
Smiling and laughing because I cant explain
All the things the sidewalk means,
Describe the point where
Every crack happens to meet.
And I don’t think a single thing leads to
Any other single thing.
And to me that seems...... complicated.

Sometimes I needed to love you a little less- and love myself a whole lot more.
Sometimes you needed to stop hiding yourself so much and let me see that scared little boy.

I gave you so much. I gave you too much.
Gave my soul, my thoughts, my heart.
So what was left for me?

Removing that invisible band wrapped around my finger- has set my heart free once again.
Has let my wings and fire be unleashed.
i am here.
I have awakened.

August 10th 2011

He made love to me mid-day,
In passion I couldn’t replicate
If I wanted too, it happened
And like all original acts was great.
How come I can’t shake this feeling
That the earth shakes when I’m
Moving and my heads turning
But I still see straight, I’m smiling
But I wish desperately I could be crying
Relieve some pressure from my
Chest, a bomb about to detonate,
The haze is clearing why can’t I feel
Anything how it is, how I think it is,
How it was, does it count as insanity
If never breathing soul sees that side of me?
I mean inside of me, that’s a cloud lurking
Over what today ought to be,  
Considering all the ****** up insanity
In lives of those surrounding me, I think
I just need a little attention in a world
That doesn’t give a ****
About my day to day happenings,
That doesn’t give a **** about poetry,
That doesn’t really give a ****
About my feelings.
But at least
There is a caring, daring, strong man
In my gray shade life, who makes love like
Aurora makes me see colored lights
A nice contrast to a stark life.
I just wish
I could fix
Myself for
One *******
Good night.
So he could breathe easy and
Finally believe me when I say
He’s doing everything exactly
How he should be and I’ll be all right
He’ll never understand his kiss
Is magic but can’t just fix,
Nineteen years of brokenness.
And I’ll never feel right knowing
He never deserved any part of this.
It’s just a bad day , a hard one the one
You know the type that last an eon.
Breaks your hope that time goes on,
Keeps you up past one in the morning
Thinking about how
You can’t do it right, and you forgot to
Text the best part of everything
Goodnight.

I was dust on the bottom of your
******* shoe
The aglets of your untied
***** mangled lace
Grinding violently on my
Unnoticed surface space,
And I just sat there clinging to
The part of you , you’d let me see
Wishing to be something.
Seems silly now that I didn’t know
If I wanted to grow up
All I had to do was
Let it the **** go,
Lay on musk moss and dirt
Forget the things I said
About being hurt and hard
Get over myself and see that  
I’m so ******* perfect
Sensational, inalienable and only
Every fool I’ve ever known wouldn’t love me.
My self included sorry.
Maybe I was made to fall apart,
Crumble to dust, spontaneously combust
Die and when  buried  
Discover the seed in the dust
Burst forth in green sprouts
In search of sun rays
After sun rays
Like new growth
After hard rain
Or flowers
Escaping sidewalks chains
Braking through like new days
I have fresh tears
Over growing pains.