you don't know
how this one-sided love feels
knowing that we'll only ever be
best friends
and that you're unintentionally
hurting me
murdering me
and eradicating me from within
and those candid words
from your mind
and onto my screen
and into my heart
they hurt
and those compliments
were they merely said
to be amicable?
to keep me
entranced by you?
to make me love you
even more than i already do?

i don't understand you
and why you tell me
that i'm your world
and then you ignore me
and suddenly need me
and i especially
abhor the fact
that what we had
isn't the same as before
and will never ever
be the same again
and i miss you
i miss our non-stop conversations
i miss the time we spent together
i miss your presence
and your voice
and your messages  
and the face you make
when you're trying so hard
not to laugh
it's adorable
but most importantly
i miss us

but i hate you
so much
for making me believe
that you loved me as well
but now it's clear
because now
all our conversations
are about someone
and sadly
that someone isn't me

but in the end
i'm happy
and euphoric
because you are

it still hurts
but i'm so,
so very happy

sometimes you just want to be alone
in your very own room
just complete hush-hush
scanning your thoughts
and predicting your future
accepting yourself
not keeping that thick, unlit mask
in order to dress and impress

multitudes of pressure begins to melt away
it's just you
and you only
and it becomes one of those rare occasions
where everything and anything is about you
and no one can mock or criticise
no one can tell you no
no one will have any psychological power
but yourself

and this is when you lull yourself to sleep
you decide
to finally rest
and be at inner peace

i think i've finally done it
you're nothing more
but a sheer friend to me now
you're no longer what i think about
when i wake up
and fall asleep
i've finally been able to abandon
this unrequited and futile love for you

today i realised that
i've finally severed the affinity
that kept my mind so attached
to the thought of you
i can finally return
back to my insouciant nature
all i hope is that this lasts
even if i'm stuck in oblivion
and blissful ignorance

so the denouement of this episode
is that
this love was fraudulent
it's time to move on

farewell to those fruitless memories

blocked
shattered
forlorn

your voice
unable to speak
your mind
unable to breathe
your soul
unable to feel
your heart
unable to love
all because
you're exhausted

not because of anything
in particular
but the mere quiddity
of existence,
the sheer fact
that your life
is a repetitious routine

maybe there are others
that see the beauty in life
but you, worn-out and tarnished
have had enough,
with another colossal task
you're forced to do,
numerable responsibilities
that weigh you down,
broken relationships
that you cannot mend,
and new-fangled ideas
which you cannot innovate

so when is it time
to tell everyone
that you've finally had enough?
that you can't take it any longer?
that you're much too exhausted
to even care anymore?

*when it's too late?

in dire situations
the crowd is staring
when they're really not
it's a hallucination
a mere illusion
you're sweating
in all of this godforsaken confusion
and in disbelief
you tell yourself
it's life or death-

but in reality, it's really not that bad
you're over-thinking
it doesn't matter
an intense, ephemeral feeling
will be over very soon

in life
you cannot always be successful
therefore
you must strive to do so as frequently as possible
and when you reach the penultimate of happiness and bliss
you must do your utmost not to let it slip away

once upon a time
a creature was created
whose primary skill
was to hide from view
evolution agreed that it was fine
until one day
unfathomable questions inflated
however, not all were of goodwill
these questions
slowly began to accrue
and build up
so that the creature would finally hear
their clamorous voices
with very little choice
of contemptible judgement
why is the creature so lonely?
stuck in its miserable, sad recluse
why is it so awkward?
stuck in its home of alone
why does it feign its exterior?
stuck in its dejected form
and why
do we not know
that this creature exists?
but no one knew any answers
except
the creature itself
and as the creature was set loose
into reality
and the outside world
that it coveted to refuse
it felt torture
but the creature's inward
firmly remained unknown
shadowed
by a beatific smile
and this is all we know
about this "insignificant" creature
because no one ever tried
to discern
and realise
that this creature felt so alone
and that this creature was

just a human

i wish you didn't
exist
i wish someone with such a unique personality
was merely fiction
i wish that prepossessing face of yours
wasn't real

i wish i could
turn the handles of the clock
in reverse
so that i would've
never met you

why did you have to casually
saunter into my life
and fill me with felicity?
like it was nothing
like i was just another experience

and completely ignore me
and shut the door, our door
as if you were content with that
as if we were strangers again

i hate you
for making me
fall in love with you
sheerly, by being yourself
why couldn't you be
chicanery and lies

writing this makes me
want to talk to you
but at the same time
i want to ignore you
like you did to me
until the point
that i almost doubted
my very own existence

and i never thought that
i'd be doing this
because
i tried it once and failed
miserably
but this time
i'm determined
i will maim and forget
everything that you were once
worth to me

and the sad thing is
you probably won't even care
because there are so many
other people that adulate you
just like i do
you're probably used to
all of this doting

i should've known
before falling in
much too deep
into this dystopian nightmare

being in love
with someone that couldn't care
any less about you
makes you feel inexorably forlorn
and dense
and just worthless
so now i know what to do

i'll look back to this
every time you visit my reveries
i'm closing the doors
and they're going to stay shut
forever

As our words,
become splendour.
And your presence,
is the warmth of the moon.
Don't bid me farewell
especially when the waves flood.
But even if it is a ripple,
slumber on my essence...
The manifestation of
an appalling affinity between
the dark horse and the white horse.

Hopefulness uttered.
Subsist.
Trod the mesmerising waves with me-
Even if not with me.

Or do you wish to ravage the emptiness
consuming me, so air can no longer seep through?
As you engulf me,
Feel my heartbeat,
As you eradicate yourself,
Feel my stubborn grip.
Slowly ripping what once was crystals,
that is now dust.
Through your eye is dark cellophane;
pain and anguish.
Only odour of ephemeral bitter-sweetness

Did it not hurt you,
when we were severed apart?
Maybe, just maybe, the word is true,
that you never wanted us to start.

I can feel us,
our friendship, gradually disintegrating,
into ashes and thin strips of rust,
until the denouement of deterioration.

You are now, sheerly, an unrequited montage,
as I accidentally utter your name.
An elusive and blurry mirage,
is all you shall remain.

But, I'll enjoy the ride,
while it lasts,
the conversations that have dried,
and memories of stained glass.

Beauty at its finest definition,
Oh, how your elegance illuminates,
An impossible question of my blessed fate;
To find one free from God’s volition?
Sublime design, fair girl, a muse for all,
Variegated verges of comely charm,
Your vibrant voice shall serve as an alarm,
Fervour of such bliss, t'is against the law.

Wondering in recluse how fortune came;
Open oceans of insecurity,
Inquiring how long you will remain,
But, you supply extant felicity;
Imperfect perfections, make you matchless;
Mere words cannot depict your faultlessness.

above these
clouds are 
whole and
different worlds
to be
explored, and
one day
i hope
that my
spaceship will
reach *yours