I might not be the best with words,
they tumble out of my mouth in leaps and bounds
without warning me of where they’re going.
Maybe I can’t control my blush
and my cheeks tinge pink at just the thought of you.
I guess I could be more elegant,
stand a little taller,
be a little gentler,
curse a little less.
My constant fidgeting gets on peoples nerves
and I never make eye contact.
But all these things didn’t stop you from loving me.
I might not be a love poet
but I could write about you for the rest of my life.

I look down at my palette, and see the paints melting together.
I remember when we were like that,
colouring the canvas with life.
You were the deep, dark blue of an ocean at night,
and I was the grey of clouds.
You brought vividness to me,
and turned my dull hue to vibrance.
So how did we get like this?
The painter’s brush mixed us too far,
turning our kaleidoscope into a jumbled mess.
Murky brown, and unusable,
unable to be separated.
We’ve become so close our colours have merged
and we are no longer separates.
Wherever I go I take some of you with me.
Dragged across the canvas behind me,
like an afterthought.
The trail of a comet.
A past that will never really leave me
because by now it’s a part of me.
It’s second nature
to think of you when my mind wanders
and to reach for your hand without thought.
You’ve changed me forever
and I can never go back
to a time before you
before us.
But why would I want to?

You told me you loved her.
Her black eyes and chestnut hair,
The way she said your name,
or whispered it in your ear.
How when she held you,
all you could think about was breathing her in and out.
I asked you why you loved her and you answered without hesitation.
She’s perfect, you spoke.
It’s like god took the whole universe and wrapped it up into one girl.
Her eyes are like the night sky,
completely dark but with a sparkle all the same,
Her skin, the sands of Egypt.
Her mind is every great novel ever written
and when she opens her mouth flowers pour out.
She speaks in every language ever heard, at the same time.
A mane like a waterfall, gracefully cascading down her back,
and lips that reminded you of the Grand Canyon.
Every great being that ever was can’t amount to her.
She’s the single most spectacular creature,
like a universe all in its own.
I guess that settled it.
If she was your world, your love, and your everything,
I had never so much as crossed your mind.
But I knew you were telling the truth,
Because that’s how I feel about you.
And now my world’s imploding.

When I’m with you
I don’t count time in minutes or hours or days.
I count it in stolen glances,
secret touches,
and languid kisses on the mouth.
I tell how much time has passed
by the drooping of your eyes
and the heaviness of your limbs.
I could spend eternity with you
and it would feel like seconds.
But in the same way,
I could spend a night with you
and it would feel like a year.
Time slowing and skipping
like the rhythm of my heart when you touch me.
Caress my face
and I’ll forget the year.
Pull me closer
and I won’t even remember my name.

I wish I could forget you, leave behind the memories like you left me, but I can’t. You’re in the air I breathe, cutting up my lungs like pieces of glass and ***** drank all too quickly. Your scent is in my clothes and on my bed, snaking your way into my dreams at night. You’re in the coffee that I drink after sleepless nights; bitter and cold on my tongue but with the possibility of delicious warmth. You’re in the paths that I trudge down every day, reminding me of the times we spent there and the feelings that are now lost forever. I hate that you left me like this. All of these empty promises and a void so large no one could dream of filling it. You must not have ever loved me, because if you had it would have been impossible to just leave like you did, taking all of my heart with you. Packing it away in your suitcase along with the shirt I gave you and the books I’d lent. What did you do with the pictures of us? Would you try to forget and leave them in their frames, or did they not mean enough to you to even worry about and were thrown carelessly in the bottom of your bag? I hate the gaps you left in me. I’m broken and damaged now and you left with the cure to fixing me. This lovesick pain is getting tiresome and I hate that it isn’t wearing on you too. I thought I was someone you couldn’t live without. You sure as hell were to me. And what’s saddest of all is that if you came back now, I would run and throw my arms around you. Because I’ve already fallen as far as I can, there’s no need for me to be cautious now for I can’t slip farther down than I have. I would love to be someone that you need. Someone you can’t live without. I would be honoured to be the person you look at, the way that I looked at you. But I was just a passing spark for you, and you were my light. Just take back the memories like you took back everything else.

I built a Berlin Wall around my heart.
Not to keep others out,
but to keep myself in.
I built the walls higher
until no light could get in
and I stayed there.
I may have been alone
but at least I was safe.
Safe from you and your sugar coated words and electric touch.
Protected from the lies that seeped from between your lips,
and god, just your lips.
I kept myself away from your impish charm and devilish smile.
I had to,
I couldn’t let you in
Because when you broke me the first time
I could hardly manage
to pick up the fragments
and build them into something that at least resembled the girl I had been before.
A shell of what it was.
I added armour.
Heavy chainmail to keep me away from your beckoning embrace.
Was it worth it?
I’m not sure.
But the over flow of emotions
that I swam through every time I saw you
was drowning me.
So I built a raft and let it take me away.
I put myself here but now I’m trapped,
stuck in my own mind and stuck in my own heart.
It’s a terrible place to be.
Trust me,
you wouldn’t want to be here with me.