You surround yourself in false hopes and imaginary beliefs, the blanket that keeps you warm on what feels like a cold night. The feeling when the fireworks go off and the adrenaline rush when you’re heart rips into small pieces waiting to be put back together like a puzzle that nobody can ever seem to solve. The overarching demon at your shoulder telling you that she is prettier and better. Telling you how you should listen to the words you spew out and how ridiculous every vowel sounds. Falling off a cliff of expectation and hitting the concrete ground of reality which is unforgiving and breaks you in an instant. You get back up just to slip again and it's the cycle that will spin like a carousel until it breaks you down and you can’t be fixed. After all, there is no maintenance that can be done to someone who doesn't want to be fixed.