across from me at the table,
an elder lady sat.
she grabbed my hands and gasped,
but her eyes she did not bat.
she stared directly at me,
her eyes searching mine.
the tears welled up inside hers,
before streaming down a line.
when i asked who she was,
she only shook her head.
she wasn't anyone anymore,
she was already dead.
i fled quickly out of there,
to see my therapist again.
i told her about what had happened,
i told her about the pain.
it doesn't really help,
when you're as crazy as me.
because i don't know what's real anymore,
i don't know what i actually see.
it's not fair for a teenager,
to be seeing things like i do.
i'm still just a kid whose had it rough,
but i don't have a clue.
i wish it all to go away,
i never wanted part of this.
i just want to be a normal boy,
who laughs and hugs and kiss.

my heart is not golden like yours
not harmonious in its beats
mine powers a deadened body
races leaden to its defeat

my mind is not beautiful like yours
no flowers of poetry grow inside
mine spews words and ugly thoughts
killing my corpse with poison and lies

my shell is not pretty like yours
i envy your confidence and grace
mine is cracked and deathly broke
my pain lies crusted on my face

my life is not happy like yours
yours has a heaven that is forgiving
mine is a merely an existence
in premature hell i am living.

*© Tara India.

I look at my teachers
Who stand in the very front
Of every single class
And teach me how to be
How to grow and learn
And be well rounded

I think of everything they know
All which they have learned
From textbooks
And from life
All of which they share
And that of which they don't

I think of their kindness
Sometimes their hatred
How they smile and joke
Or judge and yell
Why they are who they are
And how they came to be

I think about their days
Every day is spent
Within four walls
With hundreds of teens
Who hardly give a ****
And how they get through it

I think about their thoughts
The knowledge they hold
And if what they're teaching us
Is what really needs to be taught
And if what they have to say
Is really what they need to say

I look at them all
And I wonder
What they could teach
What I could learn
From each and every one of them
If the time and place and opportunity
Were given to us

And it makes me sad
To think that
All of my teachers
And my professors
Are all going to die before me
And I'll never know
I'll never learn
I'll never grow
From what they know
But never told

Because they only talked about
Synonyms or the quadratic equation
Or all the periodic elements
And they never talked about
What is most important in life
So we never know the important things like
Laughing
And pain
And having your heart broken
And crying for all the right reasons
And why we are the way we are
And how to get where we're going
And having dreams
And participating in life
And telling people that you love them
And understanding death
And understanding life
And how to save lives
And to be open and vulnerable
And knowing that everything is going to be okay
Even if it's not
Because that's what truly matters on life

It makes me sad to think
That people go through life
Without ever knowing
All of the important things about life
Because no one ever told them
And they never experienced them

So what are we doing?
Why do we go to school
To learn about things that matter
But don't really matter
In the end?
Because in the end,
You don't think about
Synonyms or the quadratic equation
Or all the periodic elements
You think about your life
And the the people,
Even the teachers
Who got you through it
And made that difference

You think about those few
Oh, so few
Teachers who taught you
The important things
About life
And how that
Made all the difference