Emotionally stunted?
No growth there to be found,
I wish you saw what I see in you
The feelings all around
Your joy
Your laughter
Your smile is dear
When you're close to me
I only want to be there
With you
Holding you
Feeling your happiness as my own
I couldn't see how you saw your own
Emotion.

Emotionally stunted?
No growth there to be found,
I wish you saw what I see in you
The feelings all around
Your joy
Your laughter
Your smile is dear
When you're close to me
I only want to be there
With you
Holding you
Feeling your happiness as my own
I couldn't see how you saw your own
Emotion.

Soft and grainy.
Thick and comforting.
The heavy weight upon me,
Brings on a deep sleep
Covering my body,
Wrapping its length around me-
Showing me I can feel again
The warmth;
The familiar texture and smell,
I sleep beneath this mound of sheets,
Protected from the world.

I miss you when you're not around
So much sometimes it hurts
Like a pang that vibrates through me
A part of myself missing

You stole my heart with tenderness
And my body with affection
Laid my head down on your shoulder
And slept soundly by my side

You took me with a subtleness
Held my hand as we walked
Took me with you to the highest planes
Whispered things that had no names

I'll wrap my arms around your body
Slide my fingers through your hair
Touch my hands to your soft cheeks
And hold you to my frame.

Some day I'll carry your name.

To split the skin
And feel the pain
Is a familiar numbing thing.
The year is ending
Closing the door to the last 365 days
It all will repeat.
Everything is the same
And everything is meaningless.
Nothing is the same
And yet it's all still meaningless.
No one understands this white noise that surrounds me
But the blade never fails me
And my thoughts never leave me.
No attachments to people, no attatchments to life.

When I think about it, sometimes I think it would be nice for certain people to see inside my mind
But wouldn't they freak out if they only knew?
The morbid thoughts and detached observations would put anyone off.
There are moments of extreme longing combating with the moments of distinctly cold, calculated plans and those are what scare even me.
To plan a way to go, to know I have it in myself, intimidates the me who thinks clearly and objectively.
If anyone knew the truth behind these eyes of mine
They'd scream and cry
They'd ask me why
I want to die so badly.

I hate to hate myself but I know I can't control it
To battle it
To struggle against it is so exhausting
That steady pulse against my fingers feels so strong
So vital
And I want to strike a match on my skin
Drive a blade in
Watch the sweet body nectar flow as if water from a river
I imagine the ways in which I'd die
If I drove a little faster on this curvy road of life
To inch that needle higher
Strike that sweet spot harder
Feel the pain erase the numbing calm
It's sad to feel this way
When everything is so perfect
Sad to feel insecure
When nothing here is threatening
Why can't I stop this thought line?
The linear steps to burial
Even if nothing physical
The mental is killing me slowly.