I told you I'd had it
I told you I'm through
But you knew exactly
What you should do
You listed off names
Of all those that I love
Now how could I possibly
Try and give up?        
You gave me the strength        
You knew that I had
You made my day
So much less bad
I owe you forever
I want you to know
You're always there for me
When I fall below

To die, to sleep, no more.
Ecstasy.
But god forbid
something may come
after death.
Then what?

Orpheus had Eurydice
But then he lost her
He defied the odds
He nearly brought her back
But then his doubts won him over
And once again he was alone
He wept
He withered
He died.
As two became one,
So one became two
And when one faltered
The other took a stand
But then Doubt reappeared
And again the two became one
It wept
It withered
So history repeats

How are you?

"Okay"            What's wrong?

"Good"             Just good?

"Fine"              What happened?

There is never a correct answer.

Another day gone
With no sign of relief
Absolutely temporary
But infinite in length
I follow the pattern of the day
But lose myself in the coming of the night
My next new day is still out of sight

Lying on my stomach
i feel the blood rush through my veins
No  matter what i do
everything seems to be in vain
I try and try not to cry
but tears erupt nonetheless
how can i live when i want to die
blending in with all the rest

If something offends you
Say something
Don't assume it's obvious
Don't stew over it until
You want nothing more to do with me
Just say something
Because not only did I lose you
I lost all of them  
And you're all fine
That's great
But I'm still here    
And I'm not fine
Instead I'm still awake
Imagining how things might have been
If you had only
*Said something

How miserable humanity is.
How unimpressive our miniscule feats.
How can we possibly proceed to progress,
When our brothers we leave in the streets?

Growing up *****.

Smothered in love
Struggling to breathe
All I want
Is for them to leave

They just want to help
Not worsen my life
It's just much more pressure
Which leads to more strife

Rewind replay review and freeze:
The only thing common was the disappearance of me
Gone from the moment
Nothing but space
Held breath
Frozen
gulping for time

Take the word 'stretch'
And expand it out a bit;
s t r e t c h
Now a bit more;
s  t  r  e  t  c  h
And once more;
s    t    r    e    t    c    h
Look at the characters
How easily familiar figures
Appear foreign

It wants to give it all away
To tear off the covers
To change up the play
It hints and suggests
I still try my best
Though the cape is slipping
The tattle tail won't ever
Give it a rest

Dogs are so loyal
So happy and free
Their joy is contagious
Even to me

I confided in you
I didn't know you for you
Before you were her
But now I can see                                
You are the person I've wanted to be.

How could I know
The troubles below  
You had been so flamboyant
You were struggling
Just like me.                  
                        
Words of encouragement
Lines of support
When I had lost hope
You were there for me

There is another option
                                 And it's still quite taboo
                              But it just might help greatly

                                    Perhaps for even you

                     Or perhaps

            You will lose your mind
         At least what lies remaining
All your thoughts and all your dreams
         Could rapidly start draining
    The memories that you've clung to
          At once flung out the door
    But it truly may not matter much
        
      You won't remember any more

"Suicide is selfish
Dont be a victim"                    
All a load of
Paradox in a can

Who truly knows    
How it goes?
One day it starts
The feeling only grows

One day I take charge
Only I know
How much to take
To overdose

But remember kids
Suicidals are only
"Selfish victims"
So don't shed a tear
When they are not here

When the glue wears out no amount of tape can ever hold things together the way they once were.  
The love I have been showered with since day one has been nothing more than a facade.
And now it is raining and the frogs are hella loud.

I dressed like you
I spoke like you
I admired you
but then you came home
she was tall
but she was not you
She responded when called
but it could not be true
my sister was caring
And loving
always sharing
But not this girl
this one was
Arrogant
and crude
heartless and rude.
Then my eyes were opened
I saw the truth.
You were no longer the girl
I admired in youth.

My childhood idols have all come and gone
But you I remember like you were a song
No matter how very hard I try
I can't comprehend why you didn't say 'goodbye '
How hard could it have been
To just make ammends
But then you wanted to just be facebook friends                                        
A few hours away yet ten years apart
How could that not hurt your heart?
It damaged mine, as you can see
Don't you ever, EVER almost miss me?
As much as I miss you I just can not say
I love you like I did, back in the day

She gave me a gift
At the time I missed its significance
A simple silver chain    
Bearing a pressed forget-me-not  
I admired the color      
I gave her a hug
I continued with life.
Forget-me-not.
How appropriate.
Had it been planned?
Coming from the one who purposely delayed my birthday cards to prolong the fun
The woman who wrote me riddles and rhymes to elicit giggles
The one that taught me the fragile gift of life through endless monarch butterflies  
The one that taught me how to properly peel Serian cheese
The one that inspired me and encouraged me and well, I thought, loved me.
So had it been planned?
How could I say no?

Yellowed paper
Scrawling script  
An art form from my childhood  
The riddles and rhymes
Now remind me of times
Of happiness, wonder, and bliss.

I made friends but haven't gotten them, you see
So I'm just alone with me
Until the sun comes back up and duty calls
I make an appearance as the quiet one
Nod my head a few times, crack a pun
I'm there but not really there
Then it all ends and I'm done
I slink back to the dark of my alone
Me and my mind
My mind and me
Forever and always that's how it will be

So quickly
From pillar to ruins
A single moment
And the world came toppling down
Suffocating smoke
Abundant ashes
The illusion shattered
Then nothing mattered

You aren’t used to me being away from home.
I could say the same about you.
You call and act normal.
There’s nothing normal about change.
You don’t tell me, but it’s apparent.
I know.

What do you do
When relationships
Fall through?
When even your
Family wishes you
Would just do
it.
How do I go on
Trudging along                  
Alone in a house
That's no longer a
Home?
Why do I still try
Not to cry
Not to flinch
While all those around me
go on even when I do?          
I used to say
"I matter forever"
Cuz I "matter to me"
But when was that?
What, and
When, and
How, and
Why?

Hope is a curse
It is the tourist that always sees the green flash
Yet no matter how often you stare, it is never there

White walls
White walls
So near to the end
If I struggled a bit more      
I could be free again

Free to run
Free to dance
Not just sitting
In a trance
Staring at all these
White walls.

In writing the note, you must
explain yourself-
A feat I have yet to accomplish in life;
Express your undying gratitude
towards the few you loved-
Which I can only hope I have done well;
And apologize for shattering the hearts
of the ones who dared love you back.

And quite frankly
I will never be that skillful with
a pen.