Growing up *****.

Yellowed paper
Scrawling script  
An art form from my childhood  
The riddles and rhymes
Now remind me of times
Of happiness, wonder, and bliss.

She gave me a gift
At the time I missed its significance
A simple silver chain    
Bearing a pressed forget-me-not  
I admired the color      
I gave her a hug
I continued with life.
Forget-me-not.
How appropriate.
Had it been planned?
Coming from the one who purposely delayed my birthday cards to prolong the fun
The woman who wrote me riddles and rhymes to elicit giggles
The one that taught me the fragile gift of life through endless monarch butterflies  
The one that taught me how to properly peel Serian cheese
The one that inspired me and encouraged me and well, I thought, loved me.
So had it been planned?
How could I say no?

My childhood idols have all come and gone
But you I remember like you were a song
No matter how very hard I try
I can't comprehend why you didn't say 'goodbye '
How hard could it have been
To just make ammends
But then you wanted to just be facebook friends                                        
A few hours away yet ten years apart
How could that not hurt your heart?
It damaged mine, as you can see
Don't you ever, EVER almost miss me?
As much as I miss you I just can not say
I love you like I did, back in the day

Never make a promise that you don't intend to keep
Never try to bother me when I'm counting sheep
For you have failed me yet again
So let me dream in peace
Until the day that you can say you truly love your niece

I bit those traitorous lips,
Cursing silently the ****** honesty.
Nervously tracing my fingertips
Along the seams of the faded jean.
Averting my eyes, I try and disguise
My fear as pure disgust.
But try as I might, I can not fight        
The bubbling sense of mistrust.        
                                          
I try to calm my quivering nerves
By breathing slow and sure
But nothing can quench
My shivering rage
I can not find a cure.

My world has spun out of control
And nothing is within my reach.
There is nothing I can do
But allow the law to sweep me away.
                                                  
I tried and failed to my dismay
But to my parents' glee.
And to all the others
That attempted to help me.

The man they paid for me to trust
So rapidly turned away
It's just his job but still I felt
As if I'd been betrayed.

Unwillingly I lift my gaze          
To linger on the wall
Where once, before, I stood            
Quietly alone, but tall.
I feebly resent the way I feel
So overwhelmingly small.

When two siblings broke away
their parents slowly faded    
Reuniting only for two funerals
they split their lands and went their ways    
The children, young and observant,
Watched and saw and learned
The conflict continued a generation later
And fingers pointed to her.  
Her head had slowly lowered
Her hair fell past her eyes
Her smile only served her
As a crude disguise
They scolded her and warned her
if she didn't change her ways
that all of those around her
would slowly turn away
but as the words slipped past their mouths they stuttered in dismay
the little girl they learned to hate
had already gone away.