my dreams have long moved on,
you are no longer in the center.
every thing i'd ever wanted,
every thought feels haunted.

haunted by your awful memory,
your dangerous smile pulling me in.
i can barely stand the thought of you,
of all we built up together, too.

i've moved on, i've found more;
more than you could ever give.
i have nothing left to leave,
he's the one, i believe.

no time for you to leave me hurt,
no time for you to damage me,
no time for your love at all,
no time to let myself fall.

there is no end to us,
to me, we never even started.
there is no goodbye to say,
i've disappeared, so go away.

history can be a mystery
to those who do not know it,
and, thus, our decisions are
made in ignorance, and we
repeat it,
repeat it,
repeat it...

how am i smiling?
what did you do to me?
you've changed the chemicals
that were imbalanced in my mind,
you're the miracle i couldn't find,
to this disease passed on, biological.
somehow you've healed me
and i'm smiling!

forget my existence another night.
i am just a shadow to you.
i don't exist to you.
i am nothing.

i often wonder what its like to be dead
and which direction my spirit would go.
would i journey to hell, and would there be flames?
or would it be dark, or icy as snow?
or perhaps i'd go to heaven post-death
to breathe eternal happiness in with each breath.
and maybe i'll go to that "purgatory" place
and end up being a pointless waste of space.
and there's the possibility i'll cease to exist,
which allows me to cross religion off the list.

not a single breath, did I breathe
in fear of my security
footsteps thumping; one, two, three
hoping, praying he won't see me.

do you ever just wake up and want to keep sleeping?
sleep through the day to avoid the pain and the weeping.
the blankets are so warm and the world so frozen;
frozen from the pain hidden in it, pain left unspoken.
no, i don't want to wake up yet, i'll just stay here,
curled up against you under the blankets all year.

the cliched concept of dark to light.
so simple, yet bright.
when reversed, tends to spark fright.
nothing goes right.

let the shadows rule and dry bones live;
dark creatures of the night, vampiric, give
light to the evil that is
the tenth month.
hide away, guard yourselves, your minds
for the darkness of your mind always finds
a way to haunt you,
to keep you up at night
in the tenth month.

chest so tight,
day to night.
you next to me,
all i can see.
desiring you around,
never to be found..

i think i saw it in a dream,
walls of a room, bright and clean,
bringing me peace, bringing me happiness;
both of with, harder to get than they seem.

i envy those who have gotten people to listen
to their voices, to their ideas,
to their poetry, to their pleas.
i can't help but feel as though i am screaming
at a wall, with no ears to hear me,
an empty room in which i am yelling-
dying for attention and recognition.

i wish my prayers could offer up something,
but my soul has nothing to give,
no words that can be spoken.
is God even there to hear my cries as i live?
there's no one,
it's all empty space.
if God were real, i wouldn't beg for death,
wouldn't beg for an end, wouldn't plead for the dark.
some days i let myself wonder
that maybe there is.
maybe the good things are from him,
and the evil from a darker power..
but then again..
maybe they're one and the same thing,
or maybe there's nothing.

this life is hell,
it ain't swell-
don't tell me different
because
i know that full well.

"give it time and a flower will grow"?
too bad our flower died, buried beneath the snow.
i hate you, despise you, can't stand you!
get out of my life- we're done, we're through.

sleep softly, i tell myself, eyes closed.
he's okay, i whisper, try to believe.
hold onto the i love you's, his words.

beauty is to be valued,
not hidden away
as some choose for it to be.
what a sad view of life
it is to have none,
or at least see none,
when really
beauty is everywhere.

why do we look for answers from
a god,
an idea,
a thing...?
maybe the answers to our questions
are all around us
in the sky,
in the earth,
in the wind.
look to the world around you and
to the people before you
for the answers,
the keys,
to life.

perhaps it was best that God let me live,
so i could see the beauty that he'd give,
and so i could learn how to forgive

that is if he exists
and if he listened
and if i'm not just going crazy..