history can be a mystery
to those who do not know it,
and, thus, our decisions are
made in ignorance, and we
repeat it,
repeat it,
repeat it...

light fixtures hanging down by a single wire,
a single lightbulb adorning the end.
large, gray and brown tiles checkered beneath my feet.
inviting leather arm chairs
caressing inviting cellular people
glued to their books or cellular phones.
warm, minty walls and a cool breeze through the door-
the chill of autumn-
so comforting.

older, disgruntled, bearded men- most likely freelance writers?
and soccer moms in yoga pants coming in for their six dollar lattes.
not to mention the elderly ladies here for coffee and book club...
the college student in a sweatshirt and jeans, fixated on typing-
two espressos in hand.
the baristas- in plaid shirts or floral dresses or striped blouses-
busily taking orders, pressing buttons, pulling levers, calling out coffees.

and me.
sitting in my black cafe chair at my caramel cafe table
with my large, smooth coffee, drowned in cream, and
with my .5 pilot pen in hand, and
with my old notebook before me.
writing the autumn morning away.

i think i saw it in a dream,
walls of a room, bright and clean,
bringing me peace, bringing me happiness;
both of with, harder to get than they seem.

i really want to live in the mountains,
where its cold year-round and
where there is snow.
i want to wear sweaters in june
and blue jeans in july
and feel mountain air run across my skin.
to feel the spirits in the mountains flow
as the seasons come and the seasons go.
where its cold year-round and
where there is snow.
a beautiful life in the mountains.

why do we look for answers from
a god,
an idea,
a thing...?
maybe the answers to our questions
are all around us
in the sky,
in the earth,
in the wind.
look to the world around you and
to the people before you
for the answers,
the keys,
to life.

this life is hell,
it ain't swell-
don't tell me different
because
i know that full well.

you're haunting my sleep now.
how dare you infiltrate my last sanctuary?
my last escape, next to death,
is gone.
but i cannot die.
because of the words "you are loved".
your ghostly presence is being
murdered in my mind,
and you deserve, you... sadistic... *******...
stop haunting my sleep, NOW...