He told me
He misses me
And then
I said goodbye

I'm not here for wet marks on pillows
I'm not here for a smoky room
I'm not here for staying up until 2:30 am every ******* night
I'm not here for all of this
I don't want to be here
For all of this

I hate myself.
I wish I wasn't so clumsy
I wish I didn't make a fool of myself
I wish I could always be happy
I wish I had a reason for all of this
I wish I could find someone worth while
I wish I could be someone worth while
I wish I didn't have my stomach or my feet or my legs or my hands or myself
I hate myself.

I'm sitting
And I'm thinking
And I want
To stop.

I'm so ******* tired of being sorry.
It's the past
I thought I was helping.

Guess I thought wrong.

This is one of the many reasons
  reasons why I think that I do nothing right.

Didn't think wrong this time

*Bye
Love you.

Things are very
Complicated.
I honestly don't know how
To function
To feel

I know that I do wrong,
And that I can hurt you
So easily

And
I don't think I care

Not anymore

Not like I used to.

Thank you.

All I can say
        have the power to say
        know I'm not wrong about
        think
        do
Described with the phrase
I'm sorry.
     ^ so, so, so, very

I love rain.
The smell of       r            
The sound of                a                
The feel of                                i
                                                            n

I love *rain.

I'm sorry* I can't provide for you:
             Be there every second of the day
             Hold your hand just in case you fall

Sometimes I just like to be alone
All the time
                   I just      
                             want to be alone

But you can't see that, can you?
You can't see that I'm fine,
                       that I need space every now and again?

I've tried countless times
Just to make you smile
But it's not enough
       it's never been
                   enough

You say you're hurt
That you "**** it up"
And "fake smiles"

Have you realized I've not only faked smiles,
I've faked happiness,
Just to see you try.

"There is no trying, there is only doing or not"
*******.

I've been trying.
Where the hell were you?

So I'm sorry
For not being there every second of the day
For not holding your hand in case you fall

Because this time,
It's your turn to hold me.

Love [luhv]: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.*

If I were to search love in the dictionary,
I think I would find you

If I were to search perfect in the dictionary,
I think I would find you.

I think that I love you
I've fallen for you
But
              l
                    o
                           v
                                 e

Doesn't exist.

Nothing can express how I feel.
No words, no tears, no heartfelt ceremonies.
Nothingness.
That's all it is.
Numb.
All it ever will be.
Sure, there are tears shed,
Sure, there are kind words exchanged
But are they just to pass the time?
To forget and move on?
There's nothing like this.
It isn't like moving away
Or getting a broken heart
This is worse.
More severe.
It's like someone beating you senseless,
Then wondering why you're in pain.
Wondering why you ever cared at all.
There's nothing.
Sure, there's loss
Sure, there's pain
But when it comes down to it all
What's behind the fake smiles,
Everything?
**Nothing.

I want to be alone.
Do you ever get that feeling?
Where you don't want to get in anyone's way?
You don't want to be a problem,
A distraction?
I get that feeling.
I don't know why.
I don't even know why I'm still depressed.
Am I even?
I have no reason to be sad
I have good people in my life
Nice supports
But yet
I still get the urge to cave in
Hurt myself
Like before
When no one knew
Before anyone had the chance to care
I want to be left alone
I want to stay home all day
Open my windows and freeze
But I feel joy in the air
When I talk to him
Remember my latest adventure with her
These people care
Why do I still get the urge
To hurt myself
To just go.
Not die.
just.
let.
*go.

Is it better to be alone?
To not have any contact with the world?
To just forget about everything else,
Everyone else?
Am I just delusional,
Depressed,
Is it just me?
No
It will never be just me.
I'll never be able to go.
To just
Leave
Forget about everything
Everyone
I don't even know why I feel this way
Why I almost wanna just
Go
Not die
But leave
Go to fantasy world and
Forget.
I could be alone.
Not have any contact with the world.
Just forget about everything else.
Everyone else.
**But I can't.

I’m never good enough
Sure you say I am
Sure you like me
But now that I’ve gone and told you
One of my deepest secrets
And trusted you
You just
You seem mad
Disappointed
But not worried?
Not caring or comforting?
I’m sitting here
Crying my eyes out
Because all I want is you
And for you to just
Accept me
I knew somehow you’d say that
I don’t want to reply
I don’t want to talk
Because neither do you
I fear that I won’t say anything right
I didn’t try to be such a burden
Or such a disgrace
I know you don’t like it
But I can’t help myself
You’re the only thing keeping me away from it again.
I really want to continue
I wrote a poem for you
I thought you’d like it
I don’t want you to read it
I’m just
Not good enough
I knew you wouldn’t like me
Anymore
Because of this
So I might do it again
Now that you’ve lost interest
Maybe.