What is this sound
melodic, pure, a feeling washes over me
one like jumping into a clear mountain spring
rushing through sand dunes giggling as I stumble
skydiving, knowing I am safe and will forever fly
this sound makes me want to listen always
like the birds singing and the winds whisper
the trees swaying telling their secrets
sunshine bathing me warming me to the core
the sound is your laughter
and it is my favorite music
if you would not mind laugh again please
I wish to dance

Pretend to love my glass shards
then instead of you being cut
I am the atrocity
a friend you are not
and I see this
still I will be me
recede
why fight to be around
pretend I matter
while I sit in the background

Let me never be a cause for your tears
a knife to my throat would be preferable
my hand I wish it to be when you reach out
forever pulling us higher up this treacherous mountain
even if it were required for me to carry you
out of breath, weak, on the verge of collapse I would not falter
for I would never take the risk of us falling down a rocky cliff
never allow harm to come your way in manner
as long as I have control
I will keep you safe within my heart
never to fall

Am I not hungry for you
am I not starved
ravenous
when I finally taste you
will I ever stop drinking
such sweet, pure sustenance
my life force, my drink
my breath and life

If my written words could scream
you may go deaf

A face I study hard as if it were arithmetic
eyebrows like mountain arches
I wish to climb high to caress your forehead
such a sweet nose I will kiss incessantly
to reach the valley that is your full lips
falling down to sweet repose in your soul
safe
as I look up from below into your eyes
dark pools of love
let me swim deep down into the depths
never surfacing
that is alright, I can still breathe here
memorizing each line and crevice
of the house that is your heart

Fantasies with Death
bottle evaporating my tongue
passion for Death
smoke baptizing my soul
******* to Death
a hose hooked to my tailpipe
making love with Death
vision blurred, groggy
round the bend
*does Death make love
or is it ****

When I find me utterly destroyed
I look into your eyes
and melt
forgetting all the knives in my soul
if only I could just see those eyes beyond my mirror
deeper than a picture
your stare must eradicate diamonds
when standing before your warmth

An ugly creature, writhing in the corner
one eye looks over in disgust, seeing what it really is
for the creature has shown its colors to the fixated, hazel eye
sometimes wavering in the knowledge that he knows she is filth
but always in the end it is the creature
then we have the other eyes
yellow, brown, green, blue, multitudes showering down watching the demon
unfortunately, a spawn of satan they do not see
would they stop cooing and praising
the self hatred building up will soon explode
and glass shards will blind
then they will see what the hazel eye knew all along
and the creature will continue to writhe
in the corner
finally ceasing to inflict unintended pain

the sun is not shining today
in my sky or in my mind
synapses ceasefire
heartbeat weak and quick
what is it I am looking at in the clouds
this day should be random as my thoughts
I love my creature
following me as a child would
I am the child though
I cried for hours over the travesties
to a person I thought hates me
love and war
I think I am ready to ditch my dreams
take up arms and lead us into Hell
for the love
for the right
I went insane
I lost it
that is how it begins then is it not
that is how it all begins...
do not care for me too much
one day I think I will be assassinated
if I do not stop
if I do stop
I assassinate myself
random insanity has now ensued
what else can I say
today the sky is grey

the more you say you are a beast
the more I want to kiss you
the more you say you are not beautiful
the more I want to shower you in love
and prove you wrong

I walk into a field of not yet blossomed flowers
vibrant splashes of color resound in the sunlight
let me tiptoe to you through the sleeping poppies
pluck you away from the masses of eyes shut wide
we will find untilled earth, plant our own garden
such a sweet smell
my own personal heroine

Is a color not a color until given a name
a bird not a bird until we call it such
what is an idea without a meaning
a definition
why teach a difference
one color ,two billion colors
how much of the spectrum do we not even see
black, white, yellow, purple, green
just people with red blood when the oxygen touches
hopes, dreams and love
hate is not born
it is taught
children are born colorblind
why can we not stop naming the colors
and see all are one people

You know, I love you completely
for loving me back

bleeding out, not at all inviting
in fact, quite horrifying
serpents writhe in the cracks
angry scratches mar the wood in twisted lines
pulsating, demented, throbbing
screaming a threat more oppressive than a tyrant capable of mass genocide
what is going on within
behind this
the blood red door
I sure as Hell am not opening it
would you

When it is all gone
puff of smoke, a life with no value
no love, no soul
dust in the wind says Kansas ye?
so when you look at that fancy car
when you smile at night clutching your gold, young Midas
what is it you are seeing might I ask
is it a moment within a moment
the light in your eyes dimmed by materials
and the love in your heart a solitary stone
smooth like glass, as cold as ice in the bitterest winter
what is it you see?
a tiny world, one where there is no pain
but if you saw outside that you would see there is pain
you would see there is no material
and that  love is the most fulfilling when you have it for others
the one constant that lives far beyond a grave
who do we remember most?
the tyrants yes, that is true
who else do we remember though
Bob Marley, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, Gandhi,
so many more
full of love and peace
a fight they had for this love
these messages are an idea stronger than a grave
but your gold, it will not whisper love to you when you leave
your car will rust and decay like your flesh
the beautiful house will become dilapidated and abandoned as so many do
like the house that was your heart when you denied love and chose shiny things
those pretty things bring momentary happiness
but life is a moment
a mere whisper
gone like dust in the wind
what will you remember
what will remember you
most certainly not an idea like paper
it has no thoughts
but love it will remember
an echo for eternity
love

Epitome of love created afar
why
that is how a creation is made
where it is born
from ashes
from the Earth
how then is not something molded
within its own birthplace
making what you are
and that is you
perfect
only because that is where you began

Probably guilty of the same crime time and again
did ya know, I am right though
in all the travesties
keep looking in disgust
truly, it is a path worth walking
would you not go down
even when appearing thorny and broken as such
really, quite lovely it can be
when holding confidence with affinity
this way, I beckon
come, join me
I promise light does dawn at the end
it is just that
a long path
an enlightening road
no fear, come

Kept falling off the wagon
when I saw an angel
the bridge when I see it
every day
several times a day
thinking each time
can I jump into those waters
and go down
do mermaids dance in water
can they
I want to

I love to give myself cancer
cigarette smoke, blackening my very soul
I love to give myself liver failure
beer and liquor drenching my veins
so thick
I wake in the night dehydrated
every night
screaming thirsty for more
but more is never enough
for it is a pain I am seeking to cure
a pain so deep no demon could tend the wound
in sickening addictions
ones that will never help me
oh I see it I do
but I lack the love for myself required
to do a **** thing about it
I will never be strong enough to save me
so would you save me please
I am a weak little ******* to be sure
let me smoke your breath
the breath of your sweet life
let me drink your love
I would rather drown in that
but I am too weak to do it myself
grab me and yank me out of my stupor
because I am a **** fool
and I will never do it alone
save me from me
if not
I will **** me

Were darkness not my fondest friend
my biggest fan
I might be afraid to see him creeping in again
and again
in waves, a shoreline that never recedes
darkness has his own schedule
one that does not follow the tides
look over my shoulder
the waters seem distant, so far
one more glance, RUN, the tsunami is upon me
darkness is faster
*I will drown

The day I most look forward to
is the one where I actually get to relax
no need to hear the nightmarish insults
no, it is silence behind these doors
ahhhhh, lovely release
accusations flying, so quick, every night
can you shut the **** up for once
and listen
to my silence
oh sweet silence
I look forward to the day

And they were both only alive
when the other existed

You see, I am a dog
loyal to the end, overbearing in my love to be sure
when you beat me
for years I still roll over on my back
thinking a belly rub would fix the bruises
eventually though, a tail goes between the legs
and some amount of reluctance and fear is felt
even were a master the same for years on end
a dog may be loyal but not stupid

And you, well you are a cat
indifferent, solitary and self satisfying
knocking dishes off the counters
hopping down and not looking back
******* in a box, knowing someone else will clean up the mess
feed you, pamper you and when you feel like giving love, you will
quite possibly with claws extended and teeth bared, hissing

And this is why I am now a cat to your dog
do you get it?

One cackles harshly baring fangs while she feeds
on your dreams
the other screeching obscenities while he feeds
on your body
they are best friends to one another
cackling and screeching through the night
best friends
insomnia and anxiety

Finding in you
an antidote to mend my mangled being
collapse in sweet repose
a thought, girls tend to like gems
how is it then, you have remained unseen
in a mine have you hidden
or is the rest of the world blind
bah, no matter my scales cloud not mine eyes
for I found my cure
hidden or not
I discovered searching was not the answer
but waiting
and it came to me

Is it ******* or raw passion
that has my mind begging
to lie you down and let me devour
nothing more appeasing
than your moans and sighs
no thought to my own satisfaction
for an appetite is satiated in your ecstasy
it has me pondering though
repressed passion?
a control freak
or a pleaser?

Shouldn't this emotion be so familiar
that I'm numb
*disappointment

Were a knife at your throat
let the blade slice me instead
if a whip raised to your back
allow me to receive the lashing
if a bullet to pierce your heart
let mine be the heart stopped
for your pain is my pain
and I would rather take the final blow
than ever see you down on your knees
beaten by the ferocity of the world
but if a smile you would have
can I be the one to cause it
your laughter singing
I wish to dance to this
and the dreams you hold
may I help weave them
just to never see you cry
to feel that you are alive

And if truth I spoke
crucified would I be
*laughing

Were there a hidden meaning
one not so much obscured but existing
cackling, he finds a way to point it out
just as cleverly
might I add, a bit quirky  
but a kinder person you could not find
somewhat a hermit, this is alright
a better friend is a trial to come by
most of us know him to be sure
just call him Embers

Lacked the strength
to place my mask today
they noticed

I want to burn in the fire
drown in the water
be buried in the earth
stripped by the wind
to feel alive
charred, living in the sun
lungs purified by the clear blue
body consumed within clay
hands erode in a sandstorm
to feel love

crafted across turbulent seas
God's hand really did take some time for once
but why so far?