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Annie Jul 2013
I grew up watching my father down
a beer to drown his fear, and so I learned
that it is best to hide your feelings.

His fright turned to anger, which he
never covered up, and I found new
hiding spots to escape his rage.

But there is no way to live
in the shadow of an incomplete
family, kept together by an eight
year old son and his baby sister.

We inherited our parents' mistakes,
constantly torn between cruelty and silence.
We only know hate and grief,
broken with nobody to fix us.

I've come to know that there are more
bad nights than good days, and that
nobody will stay to keep you company
when your thoughts overwhelm you.
Annie Jul 2013
I sit here tonight with raw eyes, no not
from tears like the night you betrayed
us, but from never-ending thoughts
circling around and around, begging
me for answers to the question: why?

Why would she stay when every muscle,
every instinct, every ounce of her being,
is screaming to run?

Why would she ever think that she
could fix you; a monster with a heart
that only beats for yourself.

How could you hurt a family that
had no support? How could you make
all of those ******* decisions that are
going to **** her?

I hate you for making her so sad,
for taking the light from her eyes.
I hate you because now her only
comfort is her loneliness and I
hear her cry at night.

When will it all finally come to an end?
Will it be when my throat runs dry and I
can't yell for help any longer? Or maybe when
blood stops flowing through my veins
because there's no longer a heart to pump it.

I've come to the point where I don't
care how it happens, I just want
an end.
Annie Jul 2013
A silent night with distant screams,
she swore someone must have heard her pleas.
But still her nightmare stumbles through the door
filled with rage and grief and more.
One drunken step from side to side,
and in this moment she tries to hide.
A day filled up with laughs and light
has transformed into a dreadful night.
His voice bellows from outside her door
words slurred together, fright restored.
She can smell the whiskey and *** on his breath
and so she leans down and prays for death.
She knows too well what is coming next:
one more bruise along her neck.
Some children collect coins and silver dollars,
while she keeps these bruises around her collar.
A prized collection, he takes much pride
in leaving his mark and leaving her to cry.
People asked about the shadows on her arms and face,
but she covered them well with linen and lace.
It's been five years since this all began
and she can't bring herself to trust a single man.
His presence still haunts her, even though he's "changed"
nothing can erase those hits exchanged.
Her will to live is now slipping slowly,
why should she live in a world so lonely?
So the girl who cried out for help that time
now sits alone and makes these rhymes,
quietly waiting on her time to die.
Annie Jul 2013
Be weary of the boys
that show that they care,
for those are the most
dangerous ones.

They slowly work their
way into your thoughts
until they envelope
your heart with an
iron grip that won't let
go.

And when you plead
for them to just forget you,
they do. But the problem
is that they've left bruises
and scars imprinted on
your skin and in your bones
and all throughout your mind,
permanently etching themselves
into everything you do.

So while the caring boy moves
on exactly as you asked, you're
left to pick up the pieces of
heart you begged him to break.
Annie Jul 2013
She painted him
sunsets and mountains
and love, to try to take
the grief away.

She wrote words of
inspiration and hope
and complexity
to show him how simple
happiness could be.

But she failed to see
how deep his sorrow went,
and she couldn't draw a
rope long enough to rescue
him and every escape she tried
to write for him led to a dead
end, and he was left to
sit there and be consumed
by every malicious thought
ever to exist.
Annie Jul 2013
Don't fall in love
with the boy who
stays up until
2 am, for he
is thinking about
too many things.

He's contemplating
how the world works
and trying to figure out
what makes each
person tick.

He's searching for
answers in the depths
of the ocean when he
should be looking in the
your eyes.

He focused on knowing
something about everyone,
so he'll never have time
to know everything about
someone, even on those
sleepless 2 am nights.
Annie Jul 2013
What is a home that
relies on strangers to
keep the peace? It's
barely even a house,
with foundations collapsing
leaving nothing but
broken memories and
empty promises.

A house that had
doubt hanging from the
ceiling and grief dripping
down the windows.

Angry hallways and
insults screaming from
the scales and mirrors.

Rooms with lying walls
that told you all of this
is normal.

Addiction was waiting
at the door for you,
ready to take you just
like it's swallowed
everyone you used
to know.
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