The wrinkles in my hands
Map out dream constellations
Pathways to the locked off
Rusty cage
Which resides in the pit of
my chest like a cherry

Driving in your car
Speeding
Light is dancing over our skin
Licking your face and eyes
And the dark night sky sits
On top of us
But here we are and
I'm writing with no filter and it's not making much sense but
The night compliments your features
And I just want to tell you
How much
I really care
And I don't want to go home and I want to be driving with you forever
Because your scarf is soft and your voice tastes like sugar

Don't take me home
And when I cross my eyes
The lights and headlights are fuzzy
And my vision is skewed
But you are here and solid
Tangible
Nothing like those fuzzy lights

Dashed lines on the road
Make my heart sink because I know that it means we are going home
And I don't want to


I'm tired and want to fall asleep in your lungs

Yesterday I saw you at the store
Aisle 3 or was it 4?
Memories came flooding back
As my blood turned cold and black

Our eyes interlocked and we both knew
Our past together was just too blue
So you turned around the other way
Without anything to say

Your sudden presence was a shock
And the way you just turned and walked
You will forever haunt me like a ghost
And that's what scares me the most

waiting

what am I waiting for

I'm never good enough

my words are vacuous

I pretend they aren't

I act like they mean something beautiful but my words are empty and you can try to wring them out

hope that some meaning drips from the dried out shell

but I can promise you they are useless

and how do you expect me to be okay with myself when the only way I am given to communicate is faulty and the connection is bad

I speak like the static on tv channels, hardly any singal

and the fuzziness dominates over the show

it would probably be best if you change the channel, because the connection is lost

I am so lost, and coming after me is of no use

I'm already far too gone

drifting in and out of sanity

in and out of those static channels

if you come after me youll just become lost too

I'm a disease, I'm contagious

just turn back while you still can

I am thinking, like always
No filters or analyizing
Pure, raw, thoughts
Dancing together around a bonfire
The embers popping
and the smoke stings
But I am happy
And my mind is evidence
I'm thinking with no restrictions
And I know you are to blame
I am feeling orange today
Because I woke up before
My alarm; 7:05
And my mind is lighting
Sparklers because its the 4th of July
Even though it's November
Because right now
I am free

You are driving your car
Feet up on the dashboard
Illuminated drops of rain
Racing down your window
Drumline marching ontop of the roof
Dusty warm air blowing
In my face
Melting off the doubts
That were plastered over my eyes
Rennaisance twirling on
My tongue and I want
To tell you as you
Drive through the
Dark
*That I am happy

There are monsters in my head

And they plant poisonous seeds

That latch onto my inner core

Growing roots, so tight and unrelenting

And with every perishing breath I succumb to

The roots squeeze around my heart

As if their disgusting existence depended on

That evil task set before them

I have desperately turned to every source of happiness

I have ingested foreign substances in a

Pathetic attempt to banish these monsters

And their ****** poison seeds

But my options are rapidly crumbling

And the carcasses spite me as

The opposing force loots through

My once dominant empire

And in this moment I have realized

This infamous battle has taken sides with

The clenching roots, feeding them strength

So I raise my white flag and watch

As my insides are clawed at, ripped apart

And I suffer until my final breaths have

Promptly arrived and it is then and

Only then when these monsters peel their ungodly

Faces off that I come to find I am staring back into my own detached

Eyes, but it is too late to stop what I have done because my reality is

Slipping in and out of rationality

Until I am without a doubt vacant

And when the clock pronounces me finished

You will still smell my final moments

As I watch each and every mind replay

My descent with cold eyes and a

Gentle smile plastered with excuses like

The circumstances just weren’t right

*It’s no one’s fault but hers

I have the most unsettling feeling trembling inside me
It is not so much an emotion, but some type of cruel paradox
That can most accurately be described like this:
I am silently full of din
Yet when I feel compelled to be productive, my body shuts down
Like a power plant, whose cords have been violently frayed
I am unstably happy despite my infamous droning sadness
Of which exists only when given permission
But such authority has no name
I want to die with such life
And live as if I am dead
Which is nonsense nonetheless
Nurtured by my inconsistent head

Transaction of glancing eyes
God knows why yours chose mine
Lovers in another life
Buried in an ancient shrine

Across the room we pay our respects
To the possibilities the future holds
Lurking in sea ship wrecks
Lips so warm but blood so cold

History books, maps, and scrolls
Our past encrypted in every word
Breath entwined inside two souls
Valuable, broken, then cheaply sold

You can sit there, complacent
Erroneously analyzing the situation
Going over every detail in your head
Vacuously idle inside yourself

You can remain ignorant
Making sure to reside within your provincial conversation
Cautiously tip toeing past anything and everything
That would add substance to your existence

Or you can allow reality to elicit itself
Revealing the raw and dangerous truth
Shattering all predetermined assumptions
Leaving only a disappointing version

Of what you want to be
Who you are
And where you are going
But this decrease in ego

Would add an abundance of experience
To your soul
To your life
Release all restrictions

And be free

‘Reality’ is an empty promise

A word manufactured and fitted

To address this infectious disease

Us humans call life

Because material items,

Deeply rooted beliefs,

And honest emotions,

Only exist within our heads

And if my perception were to be so askew

As to deem myself dead

Then I’m living in the 7th ring of hell

We are fragments of projected images

A wasteland for forgotten dreams,

Useless prototypes,

From the stars that shine in our imaginary minds

We are just fragments of a masterpiece

That we cannot even see

Ghosts of my mind
Shouts at                          me
through gritted teeth
Bloodshot eyes                   tomorrow
Will be better they said
/////
They also said
                 The sun revolved around the
Earth
What will they come up with next
                        Like
How
                                     I am
Going
                  Crazy?
Absolutely
insane
They said
/////
Meet me in the garden
              The bluebells whispering secrets to the bees
   Not again
                              Let the moon strangle you
               But just wait
For
Me

Crumbled pillars tell the story of strength and perseverance
They tell the story of grave defeat
And the remnants from the weakest link

I am there
Like a dove on a wire
Forget the past comes with baggage
Inhale the sawdust from my hands

Want to be dirt with me?
Insignificant and everywhere
We can disperse into the holes
Left awry in the cages of our chests

Tell me do you want to
Scrape away the poison words
Those insidious parasites
That feed off your intelligence

You are not as important as you deem to be
Be careful
Your honesty is showing

“Love does not exist”

“Love is ****”

“Love is just a word that we make up in our heads to fill our infinite emptiness”,

Is what I say to myself. As if I could drill these beliefs into my head, subliminal messages to soothe my cracked and flaking heart.

These lungs are my own personal generator fueling my skull

Turbines working overtime

Maybe love is the only tangible idea within this existence

Maybe I am just scared

So I bury the idea under the earth, waiting for the tree roots to weave themselves throughout my love

And sprouting a small, delicate oak tree. And one day, it will grow.

And like all flowers or trees, this seed will need water

and plenty of sunshine

These words can only mean so much
As they clumsily slip off my lips
Losing their meaning as they enter the world
And your confused expression
Contours into regret
Because you wish I had not said it
My drunken babble
But I meant those sloppy words
They were every bit true
But I should have just kept quiet
Then I might still have you