I'm writing out of desperation.
Honestly, I need a place of contemplation.
It's not in my mind anymore
No, it's not even in my soul.
Where can i find it- where can I go
Where can I run away and leave this sorrow?
I feel this incredible heavy blanket of fog
And the thinking in my brain is clogged
It's like someone is holding a gun to my head
But I wouldn't be struggling if i was dead
Right- Am I right about that?
Less complex- less a mess?
Oh, dear God above- Your love
That's not what's on my mind- this time.
I'm sorry- I can't think straight
It's closed down- someone locked that gate.
And I need to find the key again
Start winning finally again
Or just ******* find my train of thought
Is it derailed or have I just been forgot?
I'm pulling on my hair and thinking
And yet I feel I'm ever sinking
Further into chaos and confusion
Fighting for reality and not delusion.
How can I conquer- How can I win?
How can I make my head stop spin?
There is no pause or stop or delete
It just keeps going whether or not I feel complete
And I want so badly to figure this out
I want so badly to be content and not pout
So how can I accomplish all of this?
How can I assume permanent bliss?
Or just decide on one simple path
And start to learn again to laugh
Cause this insanity needs to quit
I'm tired of not knowing ****
I'm not the only one in this position
But I did not feel prepared to make a decision
About how to advance in life
How to avoid a lot of strife
I guess there's no way around these things
But it'd be nice if my brain would start working...

When you get to the point in your life
Where you sit on your *** and just sigh
You ponder your motives and why
You find yourself constantly high.
A sip of another strong drink
As your soul mutters horrors you sink
Further near despairs awful brink
You witness your aspirations shrink.
One small gesture of goodwill
Could dramatically change your guilt
And inspire you to be thrilled
And in your heart feel fulfilled.
Yet you leer out the smokey blue haze
Past the drowsiness of your daze
Unbeknownst that not far away
Lies your salvation and ultimate grace.
Inhale it again you repeat
And I see that you still drag your feet
I'm begging you to not feel defeat
Let me help you to be again complete.

I am sitting here
I am sitting here and thinking
I am sitting here and watching
How I am thinking.
I can hear it
I can hear my head pounding
I can hear how my head pounds
As I am thinking.
I wish I knew
I wish I knew everything
I wish I knew what to do
About everything.
I try to plan
I try to plan my goals in life
I try to plan it all out
So I can live.
But I am tired
But I am tired and cold
But I am tired and need to sleep
And feel secure.
I am thinking
I am thinking about life
I am thinking about how to live
My life.

Can't I just sleep?
I think that's all I really need
Right now, right here
All alone, please, my dear
Just let me sleep
And dream of absolutely
Nothing
I think that's all I really need

I just always talk
Or sit and listen while you talk
And she talks and he talks-
I'm constantly walking around
Keeping that frown down
So yours can smile
And I crack all over my hands and
Bleed, but you don't see
Because I'm pretty good at
Keeping it classy and
I'm just so tired now
I'm a little wired and I don't know
How, to shut my brain off and just

Sleep

Find my body-
Find my soul
Find my spirit-
Make it whole.
Use your hands
And touch my cheek-
Kiss my lips
To stop this sleep.
My heart is yours
My body, too
From me you glean
A love brand new.
Accept it, please
And take me in-
Or deny my favor
Cause me to sin.
To you, I'm bound
By design
If you depart
I will die.

Oh sunny days,
Often times they seem so far away
And here it seems to always rain
But I still believe
In sunny days.
Those happy dreams
Never enter through my fantasies and
I wish nightmares wouldn't come to me
But I still believe
In happy dreams.
The summer breeze
How I wish that it would beckon me
And take me from this winter freeze
But I still believe
In summer breeze.
Seeing you
It could be the best thing I would do
And yet I still can't bring myself to
But I still believe
In seeing you.

Many days and nights collide
Traveling both far and wide
Just looking for a place to rest
We're looking for a place that's best

There is a long way to go
The seas are deep- The path is shallow
There is such a long long way to go
But if you hold me, I will always follow you home
Hold me and I will always follow

Looking at the starry skies
Aren't as lovely as your eyes
And standing here at the end
I couldn't ask for a better friend

There is a long way to go
The seas are deep- The path is shallow
There is such a long long way to go
But if you hold me, I will always follow you home
Hold me and I will always follow

We're walking through a vast expanse
Of practically nothingness
But I wouldn't trade a day with you
For anything else to do

There is a long way to go
The seas are deep- The path is shallow
There is such a long long way to go
But if you hold me, We will always go
If you hold me, Just hold me
I'll follow you home

Don't let go
Something feels right and I can't
I just can't seem to put my finger on it-
You're right here
Something about your company it's
This moment is just what I need and-
Stop walking
Hold me all night and just pretend with me
Pretending we have all the time in the world-
Moments pass
But let's just lay here and count
We'll be counting the stars as they light the sky
And as they go out in the morning
We'll still be there