AnnaMarie Jenema

AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017

How I despise this feeling,
this longing,
this greediness.
Your every word feeds my emotions,
sending me into a happy daze,
or fitful tears.
I long for nothing but to spend time with you,
and this busy week that pulls you from me effects me more than I'd like to say.
I despise this consumption of your time,
this need to be with you,
the desire to have you to myself.
I realize you have a life to lead,
and want for you what makes you happy ...
and yet why must I succumb to this heartfelt plea?
To begin crying the moment I hear I can't see you.
Will this need that sends a wave of messages towards you only work against me?
Annoyance and irritation growing in you until you can't stand me?
My insecure heart repeats the record,
as it spins to the tune of,
"I wouldn't want to be with me either"
regardless of how many times you whisper how much you love me.
My inner demons howl their lies,
making me doubt what you have made plain before my eyes,
Showing your love time and again.
And yet my greedy heart longs for more.

AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017

What I Can't Promise You

Though this dull life of mine may wish,
may hope with every fiber of my being to bring you joy;
There are some things that I can never promise you.

I can't promise you that there will be no more tears,
that sadness will not befall those precious cheeks.
That worries won't sprout and drown out the sun.
I can't promise you that anger will never arise,
and there won't be days were harsh words are said,
and mistakes made.
I can't promise you every second of my life,
my clock beating in constant rhythm to yours.
Nor can you promise me yours.
There will be sadness,
there will be pain.
Tough times will form,
and waves will clash.
But what I can promise you is the sun after the storm.
Just as bad times are inevitable, they will never out-weigh the good.
I can promise you smiles, giggles, and joy;
my heart longing only for yours.
Don't you see the spell you cast around my heart?
you bound it in your words,
chained in your smile.
Though troubling times will be present,
we can always move through the storm.

AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016

Winter Wonderland

The moon holds the sky together,
The fragments of stars and planets,
Lighting our path as we enjoy a winter night.
Snow angels sing from their chilly beds,
The snowman makes a merry tune as we befriend him,
Giving away hugs warmer than he'd enjoy,
And holding stick-like arms to wave hello.
The air is intruded by snowballs,
Energized by the fresh wind that sends downy glitter to Earth,
Only for us to fall back,
In each others embrace and look upon the sky and trees.
Until numbness sets in,
Telling us to leave.
Piping hot cocoa revives our limbs,
Time flying by with effortless chatter.
A winter wonderland well spent.

AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016

Inexperienced

Words could not phrase how grateful I am,
How truely moved,
By your kindness,
Graced with your presence in my life.
But I am a human,
And doubt myself.
Whether or not you care as much for me,
Or if I'm even worth your effort to begin with.
These thoughts are everyday worries,
But now another comes into play.
I am inexperienced in love.
My first kiss has yet to Grace my lips,
But I am a terrified mouse.
Not because I doubt my feelings for you.
You're the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
But because I do not beleive I deserve your adoration.
The sweet words that pour from your mouth,
The flirtatious moments that work against me to ****** my heart,
Or what's left of it,
The consideration and worry,
And constant effort to make sure I'm happy and comfortable.
You are a gem,
Too priceless for me to own.
Too valuable to be under my jurisdiction.
And now when lovingly asked if I'd be okay with being kissed,
I cant help but freeze up.
Embarrassment over what may be my first kiss,
And doubts over whether I even derserve something so special from you,
Fill my mind and drive me to speechless-ness.

AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016

Cherryblososm Snowflakes

The winter air is alive and aglow,
Filled with icy flakes floating to the ground.
Your heat my only warmth,
In the cold numbing snow.
Above us the snow filled trees,
All gleaming a sparkly white,
They seem to bloom with petals,
Their blossoms vibrant in the moonlight.
And yet my mind is a blank slate,
Captured by the sweetness of this moment,
and the allure of the snow.

AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016

Pleading With You

Why are you not afraid?
Why will you not run away?
Please hurry,
before it's too late.
One such as you,
could never hurt a thing,
but you could never see,
what lies beneath my tears,
the monster that lurks inside.
Run before it gets you,
before you see it's face.
Please hurry away,
That's what always happens,
they always go away.
Because this beast is unshackled,
a breach in the wall,
I could never hold it down.
Why do I see kindness in your eyes?
The emerald gems gleaming,
where there should be fear?
Please I beg of you,
to run away.
Before this beast eats you alive.

AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016

Reflections

Looking into the mirror,
few will see me as I am.
Few could understand - or want to understand,
who I really am.
They see the shy quite girl,
concentrating on my tasks,
who rarely talks,
or looks like she should be left alone.
That's not to say I deny it a part of me.
Who you see is a true part of me - not an act to be put on display,
But the face reflected in the mirror ...
Is someone few would want to meet.
She talks too much,
asks too many deep questions,
and will continue to question the universe and past throughout the late hours of the night - my thinking time.
I laugh over the slightest of things,
sings loudly and terribly to music.
My reflection shows a contradicting side of myself,
someone who I'm terrified will frighten everyone away.
In this fading world,
everyone will disappear from my side.
Or so I used to fear.
The echoes of my mind scream things that could drive anyone to insanity.
I'm not good enough,
I deserve to be alone,
I'm a terrible person.
The list continues.
The never ending stream building into a void within my thoughts.
That is my reflection.