dear anna,

it's okay.
you're okay.
he's okay.
it's going to be okay.

love, anna

not thinking,
but overthinking at the same time.
maybe that's the spiral...
the disconnect between two opposites.

i'm the queen who's castle has fallen to the sea
i'm the queen who holds her crown when her kingdom is in flames

when all she needs, and all she wants, when all she finds
when all she is, and ever was is compromised

don't build your walls up too high

i feel like a magnet.
attracting every possible situation i don't want to be in.
for once,
can't i repel?

this life,
it holds little seeds of light.
although, also many plights,
these lights shine bright,
throughout the darkened night.
these lights that up end plight,
shed grace and meaning into our daily life.
to me,
a cup of coffee.
to you,
a new pair of shoes.
to us,
a chance to shake off the dust,
and start again.

dear anna,

opening up the bible felt so refreshing didn't it?
it seemed to immediately restore some faith and provide comfort.
notice how everything you read was what you needed to hear...
i'm so proud of you.

love, anna

i see gold attire
of endless beauty
shining over the mountains
surrounding the stars
giving worth to me and you
doesn't everything seem new?

dear anna,

you talked to aiden!
labbies in three months!!
yayay!
hey that's something to look forward to!
also, i love how you've found something in theater..
getting lost in a whole other world than your own,
it's nice isn't it?
the show ends tomorrow..
atleast you have the upcoming to look forward to?
but you're gonna miss the connections here, getting lost in the dancing every night
what now?
i believe in you.
you'll find something.
you'll stay strong.
you'll stay friends.
i promise.

love, anna

if you knew me, music is everything, you'd see.
an innate instinct that spins me in circles from one instrument to the next.
i have an ocean of notes to dive into headfirst. to create myself while swimming in this world of unoriginality.

if you knew me, you'd see,
the world gets into my head and there i go off the edge.
my mind at the mercy of what should be my least worry.
the people yell. the people scream. it's my soul that takes a harsh beating.
mind sinks. limbs tremble. who would catch my fall?

i know who.
my fall is caught by the resonance of rhythm. by the peaceable pitch. by the sophisticated sound. by a resounding chord that strikes meaning. my fingers flow along the sea of white and black keys. my mind consumed with memorized melodies. when the weight of the world is too much to carry, it's like coming up for air.

alive...
but living?

i care about you too.

dear anna,

the world sleeps,
while you're still awake.
off to bed they go.
now it's just you and your thoughts.
you and your sick feeling.
you and your music.
you and your words.
but you'll be okay.

love, anna

a treaty with myself
to never lose sight
of me.

these verses, these phrases...
these passionately expressed stories
of love,
of longing,
of hidden pain,
can only be apprised through strings of words
and hidden metaphors.
meant to provide any meaning and consolation
to a cracked but ever so slightly still beating heart.
a heart worn over time,
dragged across endless strings of lovers.
wounds no one could ever mend.
a heart, beat up by damages that escape comprehension,
waiting patiently for its turn at a chance to be healed.
hearts so painfully lovely and beautiful that need to be seen.
hearts so wonderfully in need.
a longing can only be so delicately expressed
with words straight from the heart.

i feel inadequate.
am i not enough to be here?
am i helping?
i thought i was the positive influence,
but i feel like i am taking steps backwards,
and putting on a front facing facade is tiring,
for the girl i watch.

she was an enigma.
unknown to even herself,
apparently not quite daring enough to open up...
we all keep a part just to ourselves, don't we?
she was a riddle.
waiting to be unraveled.
a puzzle,
with a missing piece that fell to the floor,
never to be found again,
so the puzzle will never be quite complete.
she was a mystery.
a labyrinth so complex,
not even she dared to start.

who will crack her case...?

a simple melody,
flitting around and through.
crescendoing over the highest mountain tops,
it never stops,
until making its way to you.

imagine if they knew.
what would they say?
what would they think?
what would they do?
who would i lose...

dear anna,

you're on your way
you're here to stay
hope around this corner
hope around that corner
smiles here
smiles there
smiles and laughter everywhere

to carry you through...

love, anna

it is both a blessing and a curse
to feel everything so deeply...

to swim through the lowest of lows,

to fly upon the highest of highs.

drowning to depths,

and soaring to heights

of emotion and feeling,

that can only be experienced by leaving solid ground.

dear anna.

ease up buttercup
look at what you do have
look at who you do have
even though the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt,
the world demands its need to feel you and your presence too.
you'll get there.
headphones in.
friends around.
time laughing.
you'll get there.

love, anna

life is a beautiful symphony,
but mine is lacking in a steady rhythm.
a flowing melody ceases to exist,
creating nothing but noise,
because the musical components can't seem to coincide here.

with astounding longevity
my heart was so heavy
drowned with waves of depressing... worldly... insolutions...
a burden of problems unsolved.
give me one, give me two.
life is a theater
these "humans" think it's neater
to glorify a people pleasing persona upon their pedestal stage.
how can my own life in my chest not be heavy with red on the left and white on the right...
satan bleeds his blood.
white gives her life.
which shoulder weighs more...?
a category of "a" and "b," "one" or "two," "x" and "y."
which media story will fit in line.
well fine, let's get real.
the world is ******.
wait **** you need to duck..
here comes a flock of incompetent ridiculing opinions.
they'll hit you in the head,
make you feel close to dead.
have you got it?
have i picked a lock to get you to understand?
that maybe my chest
                         aches
                         at
                         night
cause the longevity of THIS life,
well,
my heart can't take it.

bending over in agony,
as silent tears fall and flow.
time to find a way to go...

no, i must learn to grow.

the world is too loud.
it seeps in the cracks,
filling your head with unnessecary noise,
prompting fight or flight.
flight builds walls.
up and up they go..
construction could go on forever.
another brick... just one more today...
no.

it gets too high.
it can't stand that tall forever.
it has to come down eventually.
you have to let the world in.
the love.
the blossom of joy only comes from rain pouring down, wearing away your walls.
it's okay to be exposed a bit..

although,
when that wall falls,
the base will still stand.
there's still some protection.
just don't let the wall get built too high..

it's night,
i should write,
filling pages upon pages with words en route from my brain

it's night
i can't write
filling white pages with white words

was not a success.