it rushed upon me,
unsettling.
a thought, i never thought i'd have.
i pushed it away,
never to stay,
unless it were to get too bad.

it is both a blessing and a curse
to feel everything so deeply...

to swim through the lowest of lows,

to fly upon the highest of highs.

drowning to depths,

and soaring to heights

of emotion and feeling,

that can only be experienced by leaving solid ground.

i see gold attire
of endless beauty
shining over the mountains
surrounding the stars
giving worth to me and you
doesn't everything seem new?

i will wait, til the days are filled with insurmountable joy.
til my lungs breathe on their own,
not startled by any slight.
i will wait, holding on, til i feel free,
not bound to constant anxiety.
i will wait, clinging to the small, but meaningful.
not to focus on the desperation of the overwhelming big.
i will wait, because i know that this night won't last.
every midnight giving way to a continuous flowing tomorrow,
bringing a new sunrise, new chance and hope.
i will wait, in reverence, of the impossible universe giving me a reason.
a reason to hold on.
a reason and purpose to give some meager meaning.

i will wait.

somehow,
my signature got forged
on the contract that is life.

i didn't sign up for this.

this morning feels like a tsunami.
incredible waves of
tired.
sadness.
anxiety.
i think i might fall under...

not thinking,
but overthinking at the same time.
maybe that's the spiral...
the disconnect between two opposites.