Somedays, I hope my words mean nothing.
They are little glass figures of bunnies sniffing, and china plates my mother puts out when the better people come.
I hope me saying,
“I don’t want to get attached”
does not run about as an “I love you”,
let it be the napkin I spill my nausea into.
Don’t let it be my grandpa’s handkerchief.
These “I love you”’s are building up in my head, glasses, china plates, handkerchiefs.
These antique, vintage pieces keep stacking themselves up in my swollen breaths.
“I do not love you” runs around like the rainbows I see on acid. What a joke.
These “ifs” and “whys” and “buts” are hopping around like my glass bunny.
Poor words.

My day falls heavier than your night.
I'm sinking below your heated limbs,
You kiss my breast and suckle on my lips,
But I'm craving and begging for the opportunity
of your eyes gazing at mine.
I am masked in dark lights and bright nights
Am I interesting yet?

Take a strong gaze at my wispy arms,
For you will never notice such a small bond.
You stare upon my one bloomed smile as its auburn crunch awakes you.
See I’m not stable on my own, I need help to stand as short as I can for you.
My broken bones sway away in the cold grey wind as I became chilled in your seduction.
It seems my roots are the only thing to hold me tall
For it is all I know to grow to be.
I shall never be your center stage for you know too many stronger than me to be bold.
A century sick of my slim strands scoping to be saved,
still I stand single.
My bloomed leaf is so slowly sailing off my ill arm like the known failing life.
Waiting for your end
or perhaps its freedom.
Until I am stung by neglect from this incomplete fevered world.

Thrifting through men
Nothing unique
Pathetic ***** want ***.

He was miles away but inches close.
He falls asleep when I awake.
I didn't understand this distance,
His mentality and mine matched.
Pixels created a love I'd never known.
I spent days dreaming of touching his face,
and nights feeling him on me,
my cotton sheets charaded.
It seemed so senseless to society, but I loved you.
The words disappeared, like your screen had broke.
Like you were dead.
Then alive.
Like you were dead again.
And alive again.
You swung, and I was waiting every time you came back.
Still, I wait beside my computer. Hoping today you'll be alive to me again.

You’re a stranger in the halls, and an acquaintance to my heart.
The pictures are still there, they’ll never change.
But you have. So much.

Bring summer back- full of warm running miles
and natural smiles
Bring our love home- where we don’t live in debt,
but somehow regret
Pack for last time- Where we rerun it all
Where we rise and do not fall
The golden mask,
covers your face
I'm blind in your embrace
Foolish to doubt,
yourself and the lies
focus on the tone in your eyes

We’re living in retrospect
Drowning in fire- burning in ice- the past has a price
We’re dancing in circles- Running through fear-
Until we get through the years with a myriad of tears
We refuse to respect
we cannot connect
until there’s nothing left to expect
We run but can’t hide,
We're living in retrospect.
I'm living in retrospect.