Last night it rained
Everything came storming on my little head.
Cracks in the ceiling and puddles on the floor.
Weeping and curling my chest to my knees.
I mastered melancholy long ago
Nights my room was full of fogging clouds.
Nights I had hoped someone would mourn over my
Breathing body.
Mornings my body had drowned in nonexistent water.
And no one even knew.

Some say I treat you like you’re on a roller coaster
My way of thinking:
My love is a broken toaster,

You give me your all,
Your sweet slice of bread
And when I give it back, your bread will be burnt and dead.

Set a time, a level, a crisp that may appeal;
You’ll get none of what you wished for and
Realize that nothing was real.

I do not supply honey, jam, or anything sweet.
All you receive is a burnt slice of bread
And the feeling of a lonely belly with nothing to eat.

I crave the nurture of her warm body.
I feel the mother I need there.
A friend lies beneath and I never believed that I needed punishment and ridicule.
His shouts and screams feel like shots and beats.
He doesn’t see that I need an emotion.
A human?

So many emotions and qualities they think and believe they own.
These cuts and burns and cries they didn’t believe they owned.
I have it all. The perfect two homes.
I’m raised by maniacs.
I’m raising adults.

We received waves through our minds, a connection we didn’t understand.
Agreement
Agreement.
                  Still we equal two mysteries to each other
The ******* of our minds leaves our bodies with warmth
that others seek in the physical world
                                  Confused qualities clean the relationship
  they accredit us as perfect
                                                                                            this fine
                                                                                            perfect view leaves me addled.
                                              His body leaves me lonely
                                                       Hopeless
                                                   Acrimonious
My heart is left in a warm flood                              I don’t want to move.

Our duffle bags are filled with stained clothing.
    stained memories.
       The sun that burnt our pale skin so many times is now setting
with a soft sympathy.
                                             The Ending Begun,
no mistakes existed in the circle game.
  liquid flashbacks flew from our eyes and eased from our noses.
    Summer had evaporated any grudges we held.
      our dragon, Puff, blew magic in our hearts.
         in our bags
           our duffles weighed more than us and I knew why.
             they held everything we had:
early morning hot chocolates
  air we flew through
    snow ***** that hit our frozen bodies
      lips of those we kissed
        hands of those we held
          hair of those we braided
            Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh
              the mountains we Climbed
                the buckets of tears in the ends
                                                            ­              7 Groups of Shoes Thrown.
my jet plane was leaving
I knew what I was leaving behind
and what was now mine.
we weren't going home, not really.