Here I am
awake, dozing

Listening to the storm drifting away...
I just want to be a part of the rain.

washing away 

with other raindrops 

into the earth, creating 

life. 

To be beautiful and essential. 

I crave it...

the muffled fingertips of rainwater 
drum out the sound of the sky on all things below

And I 
lay here
in wonder
wishing...
I could be carried away with those noisy clouds on a silent wind
 
To some other landscape

to fall far and fast with a strength and purpose
never alone and always together,
A raindrop I would become, and gladly race to the soil
to soak into the flesh of the earth 
And be happy

Be happy.

For once, my heart would be free of ache 
as I would be carried 

far 

far away from here...
here.
In this bed 
of my heavy heart
with these sorrows as my blanket.
weighing me down.
Separating me forever from the passing rain

And my tears...
my tears are the closest thing to rain.

but they come alone.

and only from pain.

If dreams only come when you fall asleep,
then I am so devoid of hope and starlight that not only am I unable to sleep,
I also can't dream.

If I shut my eyes tight
and un-think the whole day, month, year...
Will it work then?
Then might I be graced with the company of slumber

The sweet kiss of a subconscious memory,
not yet performed
Perhaps
if I stare long enough, into nothing,
my ceiling will, at the exhale of my tired lungs...
dissolve.
To reveal the sky.

That sky, full of wishes-upon, might shed the silvery light I so crave over and through
my eyelids, gently guiding them to a close.
my clenched jaw, releasing tight strangulation of my worries, sorrows.
and over my hands
ankles
stomach
and lips:
the protectors of breath, of sound, parted.
As if to offer a home for a word of love or a vulnerable display for the keeper of sleep.
Rapid heartbeats and twisted spine, no peace or relaxation.
Until, after eternity,
Sleep arrives.

Quite late, unapologetic, without a word but a whisper;
"follow..."

After  patiently waiting
in eager longing, with a sore vessel full of warm blood
wanting...
I go.

One final inhalation reaches through to my bones and I...

Give myself to sleep.

At long last the last breath was breathed and I,
I drifted off into a dream.