I caught a glimpse of you…when you didn’t know I was looking. Trying to re-discover what I’d forgotten about you. About us. Why I’d once loved you - in that other time.

You were standing naked in front of the mirror, your beautiful, auburn hair glistening on your wet, mortal body. You’d just stepped out of your morning shower-humming the customary tune you do so well.

I stood quietly in the hall, watching you shave your golden, red beard while you hummed, as you tapped the rhythm with your foot.

It was intoxicating- observing your routine without you knowing I was there. I’d watched your morning ritual many times. You…always aware when I was watching. In the past…in that other time.

Somehow...watching you with my heart, more than with my eyes made me melancholy missing those feelings I’d once felt for you…for us. Feelings that were once so deep within my heart. For awhile- back then - in the days of us.

Did we ever really love one another? Was it kismet - was it fate?
The question sits on unspoken lips. I sighed -missing us-missing you.

When our melody began, you sang the notes to my heart so well…so tender and real. We soared on the music, our mouths relishing the kiss. In our moments - in our past.

For a time we were us - you and me - me and you. We traced our love with thirsty lips - hungry bodies.

I stood there looking at you for quite some time, pausing at the door before I left... knowing I might never open that door again.
I turned back once more, before turning to go... making sure to remember just why I was leaving.

I believed and held on to everything that was once promised. Everything that could have been. Now there is a big empty space. A void of nothingness -devoid of you.
The yellow and white wedding dress hangs lonely and dusty in the bedroom closet...
just barely a relic, with the shoes I would have worn, shyly peeking out of the corner.
How long as it been now? A handful of years?
All smattered with lukewarm memories...
barely remembering the sound of your steady breath, your softly hummed tunes.

In between moments I try to forget the wisps of floating memories.
I think I'm doing well, but every once in awhile in between those painful moments of sadness and regret... and perhaps even a few tears.
I realize it was really for the best. I've healed. Maybe...just maybe?  Maybe...sometime soon?

I had to let go of that dream...because I realized, you and it ...
were just a fable. Once upon a time is now, a Forgotten Fairytale.
But now…every time I see a man shaving, I sadly find myself thinking of you.
Goodbye my love- a part of me will always love you.

hold me*
        he asked,

(but my hands
     were too
    full)

I've lost myself in the woods ---
Again.
But, don't worry, I have a lantern.
The Light is weak, broken, and shaken
against the four walls of
Darkness that claws at me.

There's a voice on my left,
sweet as syrup and smooth as silk,
it says things I've longed to hear.
But, at the same time,
There's a voice on my right,
painful as a potent poison and raw as rigid razors,
it says things I don't want to hear.
But is it the angel that whispers
sweet nothings
or is it the devil?
Should I layer myself like a grain of sand in an oyster
or should I dive, head first, into the cold water?

One of the voices whispers of a path:
A nice one full of warmth and love.
I turn to look, but before I can see,
I'm pulled down this path, struggling to breath
and trying to break away from needy hands.
In the struggle, I've dropped the lantern.
But, that's okay.
It's warm here, I guess.
But, it's becoming too much.
Wait, what's that? My lantern.
Small rays of light fight against claws to find me.
It's harder than I thought, picking the lantern up again ---
and finally seeing again.
This isn't what I was told.
This isn't what I wanted.
There isn't love here, only lies.

And now, another voice whispers to me,
sweet and angelic.
It must be an angel, to be so kind and gentle.
My right shoulder is in pain, a horde of
screaming people, calling me to reality.
But, I've wanted this path for so long,
dreamed of this way before I even knew it.
How can I turn that away when it is teasing at my
fingertips?
Tell me.
Please, I want to know.
Are you the devil in disguise
Or an angel undercover?
If I reach out, will I be burned?

The lantern is gone now, dropped during the struggle.
I think I know where I'm going, but without light,
I'm ignorant.
I will trip in these woods, this I'm sure of.
I've been caught on branches, and cut by thorns.
I've run from wolves, and have been bitted by bears.
I want to find my way.
I want to find the light, in the ever changing world of dark.