A clear pond
Has suddenly become
Clouded
With mud and refuse
The fish have died
The wildlife stays far away

Rainbow rings
Float on the surface
Broken bottles glisten in the sun
The water sloshes in a tire
Lapping at the half green
Ring of *******

The pond is now at the mercy
Of those who consumed
What she once was

Looking out the scratched up sliding door,
I remember all the days I spent in that tree…

                                                       Running out the back door,
                                                       With an old Black Lab by my side.
                                                       Pulling myself up on a branch,
                                                      only reachable by a jump. Then
                                                      I would enter my fortress.

In the spring my crab apple tree would
be full of pure white flowers with little
yellow stamens popping out to say "Hi"
The smell of those flowers was so
sweet and powerful that you soon became
high on happiness.

                                                       My fortress had no walls only branches
                                                       as thick as my arms and legs put together!
                                                       It stretched all the way to the sky and almost
                                                      To the other side of the lawn!
                                                      Climbing as high as I could I would watch
                                                       The lab tree all the local squirrels.

Time. That was what was different.
There was time to think, relax,
and let the mind wander.
A time of peace and ignorant bliss.

Wonder
                Confusion
                                  Excitement
                Curiosity
Happiness
                    Fear

Emotions that race through a cat's mind
As he sees his new home for the first time.
After he pulls his thin frame from his cardboard carrier,
His green eyes dart around the room.
Everything is new, the sights, sounds, and smells
All foreign.

As his confidence grows he starts to wander.
With his belly close to the ground, legs bent, ready
To run at the slightest startle, and tail hovering
Above the carpet

He appears to be trying to hide as he goes around
the corner but his black frame against the
light floors and walls give him away. Every minute
he grows more familiar with his surroundings. I
do all I can to try and make him feel
Welcome

What do you do, when you go from being someones world
to a confused option? I often find my self curled
in my bed late at night, wondering if I am the right selection.
Now I don't know who I am, I look into my reflection
and I no longer see who I once was.
I see someone happy, and strong, because
he has made my eyes open to new possibilities.
Things I never had imagined could be real in my life,
things I thought were to dangerous to think, is now one large strife.

In the end all I want is his happiness, for him to never frown.
To have him live his life with whomever will never let him down.
Someone who can compliment him in every way,
to help him reach his goals, and never ever betray
his love or care. For he is worth every moment spent.
To be this person I would be willing to reinvent
myself. But if I am still not the one for him,
I would be willing to accept that the future is grim.
That I may maybe doomed to be no more then his friend.
This acceptance would be a very bitter end
to the incredible future there very well could be,
but friendship is better then nothing to this devotee.

What do you do when the happiness drains?
When the one who you have reluctantly given your
heart suddenly changes every mannerism?
When "cute" turns into annoyance?
One little mistake made a world of difference.
I didn't lie, I didn't cheat, I was scared.
For my fear I get reprimanded.
Now I feel alone, I feel as though he doesn't want
to speak to me.

Every day used to be full of conversation, now
it seems I have to struggle for simple small talk.
I want nothing more for it to be back to normal.
I feel alone and sad, falling into a dark hole
I promised I wouldn't never go into again.

Maybe I was a mistake. Maybe I should have never
asked that favor, or at least opened my big mouth.
But what happened, did in fact happen, and there
is no changing what happened in the past.
Besides, it was the happiest I think I ever been.

He seemed to truly care, it was a wonderful feeling.
He opened up to me right away, I love it.
But I had been hurt in the past, and was scared to do the same.
I shared more then I thought I would be comfortable with.
He told me of a mistake he made, it was morally wrong.
And I wanted to run away, but I forgave him for it.
It really seemed to hurt him. It was against all I
thought was right, but I was falling for him.

After surrendering my heart, I made a mistake.
Yes, I should have told him sooner, but
we seemed to be on edge, I didn't want to lose him.
I didn't want to hurt him, but it was too late.
I hurt him, the worst part was I couldn't really
see how badly I hurt him.

He seemed cold, and distant, but he still went
through all the motions.
I started feeling the cold shoulder, it hurt.
I felt broken and lonely, lost.
I had to fix it.

I didn't know how, I told him every detail I could.
Nothing.
Everyday all I can thing of is "How do I fix it?"
I don't know what to do, but I am hurting.
I feel empty.

I want everything to go back to normal.
I forgave his mistake, why can't he forgive mine.

I want no tears to fall
But they have breached my wall

They flow now like a cascading river over its peck
I want the to stop, I need to find the answers that I seek

I feel cold, from my head to my toes, starting at the heart
I deserve none of what I have, they should all fall apart

I know then I will not survive the blow
But they will be free to go

Free to live the way they deserve, happy and far away from me
Where the icy tips of my heart and pain cannot reach, that is the key

The key to unlocking the gate of peace and love out of my terrible world
It is as if we are all in a book but the characters real, the futures whirled

This is where you all leave; leave so that I may heal
This is...the pain I feel

Because of you...
...I find it hard to trust anyone who says they care
...I hate it when someone says their going to drink
...I don't talk to my best friend
...I have pieces of my heart missing
...I found people who cared, but now their gone...
...I felt the warmth of love around me...
...That love then strangled me
...I was happy
...I feel empty on the inside
...I hurt
...I trust no one...

Heart shattered on the floor.
The pieces are sharp and cut me.
The wounds are shallow but burn deep.
During my vain efforts to pick them up,
a hand appears.
The hand seams to be unaffected by the jagged pieces.
Glancing up I see a warm face.
As he helps, the wounds heal,
the pieces start forming back together.
Guilt and confusion seep into my conscience.
"You should remain loyal!"
Loyal to what or who? There is no one there.
"Your heart hasn't healed, you aren't ready!"
But he is fixing it, one piece at a time.
And it is going much faster with his help.
There seems to be no reason not  to let him help.
He is making me whole and happy once more.