Your lonely poems used to be of comfort to me,
your new perspective on repeat
was guaranteed to make them bleed
but they're exactly what I need.

I could pave your way
With little lamps-
A hundred paths
Away from any known map
But I'd lead you straight into a trap.

I want to slide steel back
Into your broken smile
So you remember just how cold
It feels when even dreams are mild

Let me
Dip my teeth into the vemon
Of your skin-
Liquify my insides
And I'll do the same
To the ice in your gaze.

I wish my breath was anthrax
So I could **** with just the air.
I wish I didn't feel so much,
I wish my mind was bare.

It's good to be awake
Finally
After years of half dead darkness.

I think
There's something so wrong
And disgusting
About ***.
I know,
Im unnatural
And it isn't.

Im sorry to be the killer,
The sister who never sat stiller,
Than in the moments before
My murderous lore
Chilled in the throat of the teller.

You'd be surprised
Just how often I try to sleep,
But hear people **** instead.
It makes my stomach churn,
I hate human instinct
I don't understand uncivilized *** drives
I just want to be somewhere less disgusting.

I hit Sorrow
And took a couple extra pills
Hopefully tonight
I can finally sleep.

I used to play make-believe
And whirl around your house
doing dishes,
Cleaning up our bottles,
Scrubbing floors.
When I was done
I'd smile big
And tell you
How much I couldn't stand you
Unless our clothes were off.

I don't want to be
that broken girl
anymore.
I'm sick of what I've done.
I'm sick of drunk sleeping
On a strangers floor.

I like kissing
Because I can close my eyes
And pretend those lips are anyones.
I can loose myself
And capture someone
At the same time.
It's the easiest way
To show off
Just how full of steel
My smiles are,
And how something as little as
Lips brushing
Could remind you of home
or the latin root of
Nostalgia.
I can give someone a hint
Of my hurt
Through a tiny nibble;
Or make us both crave something more
And less simultaneously.

Midnight spends
Only seconds in my head
So doped from meds
I pass up life
And dream instead

Be fierce, little firefly and dance around the dust
In honesty- your glowing's ceased, and life is only lust

There is no urgency
in living in
A well adjusted reality.
Just obligations
and timed machinery.

I am a poltergeist,
Whirling madly
Through sweet emotions.
Throwing plates
At the frivolous kitchen floor
Until I fall against it,
Us both laughing till I fade.

Why
   the
      ****
     Is
   it
So
   Wrong
       To
Feel.

I miss nights
Where the saga
Of Coheed and Cambria
Filled my head.
When my violin sang
Sweetly in tune with my mind.
Tonight, there's nothing but silence
And all my instruments are sitting
Broken.
I have no more favorite albums
To sing me
Slowly
To sleep.
All I have is me
And a couple broken strings.

I miss *****
And when I was a little whirlwind
With fire in my throat and on the trail
Of happiness.

Life looks so much different
On the wall
Than in a picture

We'd talk about kisses, falling like
Honeyed rain
You called me a shooting star
And rested your every wish on my quick descent.

I caught myself
Curled up
And yearning for home.
I almost laughed-
But dropped gentle tears instead.
I haven't had home in years-
If ever.

My outlook on life
Is getting annoying,
Even for me.
It's so stupid to live in the past,
Or the moment.
I want to live somewhere
Silent
And sacred.

I think a lot
About the word 'nostalgia'
As my body becomes a sore
And my mind-
Well, it gets a little more than lost
Within the
Shadow of
Old
Wounds.

Love is something else today, not Disney with their lies.
I learned the hardest way that love can mean demise.
Love is not enough today, despite the times we tried
Tried and true, our triggers do- they start to dry our eyes.
"Empty clips for broken hearts"- they should put that on a sign
I could make a million dollars but I can't leave this heart behind
Like shattered glass, I'm deadly, but just half of what could be
Like shattered hearts we always hang the pieces in the trees
Like necks in nooses, willingly, this love could set you free.
We beat the **** out of each other because the best love costs a fee.

All I need
Is fire and a memory.
All you did was brand me.

Everything burns
Because I'm never given peace.
They grab ahold of my heartstrings
And tie them in knots
Around my lungs.
I think im suffocating
So they pull back my flesh
That seemed too tight against weary bones.
Its agonizing,
Please, stop
But my tongue swells
Like a corpses
And my words are
Trapped by choking noises.

What a trip.*
I spent its entirety
Eating anxiety
And smiling at my fears

String me up
I'll be your little
Marionette
Dancing in my last act
Of fleeting breath and
Convulsions.

Didn't it hurt?
I couldn't tell if he was concerned with the look of the steel in my face
Or the silver of my arms.
Either way, I gave the same answer.
I laughed
and blinked once
No, you did.

"I just want to see you smile like that. Just once."**
I tried not to be struck by that comment.
I never realized how
Transparent
Depression is.

I wake up at three
Like clockwork
Almost every night.
Catholics call it the
Devils Time,
And maybe
It is.

Smoke drifts
In the way words used to roll off of our lazy lips
And cloud the room
Until the only thing visible to me was you.
Now,
The room is only full of
Wisps of memory
And an emptyness that only I can see.

I hate when my
Disorders
Are an inconvenience to others.
I'm sick.
And really sick of
”Ruining another night”
Just because I can't hold my **** together.

Oh, man
I'm in mania.
Beautiful, wide eyed mania.
It tastes like rose petals, and never needing food or sleep-
Just always itching to do something-
Anything really.

These words tangle me,
they're the only sound
I've ever seen
that says exactly what I mean
and at the same time
exactly nothing.

When I was little, I taught myself to read
While my dad smoked crack.
My parents beat the **** out of each other,
And my sister tried to
**** me.
My mom was drowning
In debt and *****.
We were lucky if the power was on.
Tess held knives to my throat.
Someone stole the little bit of innocence I had left.
I had to grow up
but I couldn't get away.

Paranoia has settled it's way
Back into my diseased head.
I hide from the eyes
Of windows
And I'm trembling again.

It hurts.
It hurts so ******* much.
It feels like ice in my veins and splinters in my throat, and nails, and heart-
and I’m done with it.
You were supposed to love me.
I* was supposed to love me.
I want to peel the light from my skin and sit there, raw,
so you could finally see just what it feels like.
I’d be a sore on your eyes like you we’re upon my back, and heart, and mind.
And maybe,
just maybe-
despite the pain from my body
I would feel okay
within my head.

I did something unforgivable.
I am wretched
Selfish
Stupid
Who am I to get better
When my heart is decaying
Because I keep letting
You down.