I don't want to be
that broken girl
anymore.
I'm sick of what I've done.
I'm sick of drunk sleeping
On a strangers floor.

My moms boyfriend
Clearly doesn't like gays.
So...
I'm now accepting applications
For my next girlfriend.

Ghosts fall at the altar
For you on loan,
Begging to be taken home
stop her! stop her!
Leave our throne.
Ghosts don't help
When you're
Alone.

My father likes to text me
When he's all ****** up.
He likes to blame me
And tell me I'm just
Trash.
That he wishes I was dead.
That I did this to myself
To take it out on him.
I smile now. And silence my phone.

It's good to be awake
Finally
After years of half dead darkness.

I could pave your way
With little lamps-
A hundred paths
Away from any known map
But I'd lead you straight into a trap.

I only like my lip ring
Because it makes me feel
Like words are constantly
On the edge of my mouth-
Sometimes warm,
And sometimes so cold
I shiver.

I think
There's something so wrong
And disgusting
About ***.
I know,
Im unnatural
And it isn't.

I hit Sorrow
And took a couple extra pills
Hopefully tonight
I can finally sleep.

I used to play make-believe
And whirl around your house
doing dishes,
Cleaning up our bottles,
Scrubbing floors.
When I was done
I'd smile big
And tell you
How much I couldn't stand you
Unless our clothes were off.

Im sorry to be the killer,
The sister who never sat stiller,
Than in the moments before
My murderous lore
Chilled in the throat of the teller.

Be fierce, little firefly and dance around the dust
In honesty- your glowing's ceased, and life is only lust

You'd be surprised
Just how often I try to sleep,
But hear people **** instead.
It makes my stomach churn,
I hate human instinct
I don't understand uncivilized *** drives
I just want to be somewhere less disgusting.

I like kissing
Because I can close my eyes
And pretend those lips are anyones.
I can loose myself
And capture someone
At the same time.
It's the easiest way
To show off
Just how full of steel
My smiles are,
And how something as little as
Lips brushing
Could remind you of home
or the latin root of
Nostalgia.
I can give someone a hint
Of my hurt
Through a tiny nibble;
Or make us both crave something more
And less simultaneously.

I miss nights
Where the saga
Of Coheed and Cambria
Filled my head.
When my violin sang
Sweetly in tune with my mind.
Tonight, there's nothing but silence
And all my instruments are sitting
Broken.
I have no more favorite albums
To sing me
Slowly
To sleep.
All I have is me
And a couple broken strings.

Midnight spends
Only seconds in my head
So doped from meds
I pass up life
And dream instead

Why
   the
      ****
     Is
   it
So
   Wrong
       To
Feel.

Life looks so much different
On the wall
Than in a picture

I am a poltergeist,
Whirling madly
Through sweet emotions.
Throwing plates
At the frivolous kitchen floor
Until I fall against it,
Us both laughing till I fade.

I miss *****
And when I was a little whirlwind
With fire in my throat and on the trail
Of happiness.

There is no urgency
in living in
A well adjusted reality.
Just obligations
and timed machinery.

I think a lot
About the word 'nostalgia'
As my body becomes a sore
And my mind-
Well, it gets a little more than lost
Within the
Shadow of
Old
Wounds.

What a trip.*
I spent its entirety
Eating anxiety
And smiling at my fears

I caught myself
Curled up
And yearning for home.
I almost laughed-
But dropped gentle tears instead.
I haven't had home in years-
If ever.

All I need
Is fire and a memory.
All you did was brand me.

We'd talk about kisses, falling like
Honeyed rain
You called me a shooting star
And rested your every wish on my quick descent.

"I just want to see you smile like that. Just once."**
I tried not to be struck by that comment.
I never realized how
Transparent
Depression is.

I wake up at three
Like clockwork
Almost every night.
Catholics call it the
Devils Time,
And maybe
It is.

My outlook on life
Is getting annoying,
Even for me.
It's so stupid to live in the past,
Or the moment.
I want to live somewhere
Silent
And sacred.

Didn't it hurt?
I couldn't tell if he was concerned with the look of the steel in my face
Or the silver of my arms.
Either way, I gave the same answer.
I laughed
and blinked once
No, you did.

Everything burns
Because I'm never given peace.
They grab ahold of my heartstrings
And tie them in knots
Around my lungs.
I think im suffocating
So they pull back my flesh
That seemed too tight against weary bones.
Its agonizing,
Please, stop
But my tongue swells
Like a corpses
And my words are
Trapped by choking noises.

Love is something else today, not Disney with their lies.
I learned the hardest way that love can mean demise.
Love is not enough today, despite the times we tried
Tried and true, our triggers do- they start to dry our eyes.
"Empty clips for broken hearts"- they should put that on a sign
I could make a million dollars but I can't leave this heart behind
Like shattered glass, I'm deadly, but just half of what could be
Like shattered hearts we always hang the pieces in the trees
Like necks in nooses, willingly, this love could set you free.
We beat the **** out of each other because the best love costs a fee.

I hate when my
Disorders
Are an inconvenience to others.
I'm sick.
And really sick of
”Ruining another night”
Just because I can't hold my **** together.

You don't have to worry,
I can live without your sympathy
Disorder is my norm, really.
*Just stop telling me to put on pants.

When I was little, I taught myself to read
While my dad smoked crack.
My parents beat the **** out of each other,
And my sister tried to
**** me.
My mom was drowning
In debt and *****.
We were lucky if the power was on.
Tess held knives to my throat.
Someone stole the little bit of innocence I had left.
I had to grow up
but I couldn't get away.

String me up
I'll be your little
Marionette
Dancing in my last act
Of fleeting breath and
Convulsions.

Smoke drifts
In the way words used to roll off of our lazy lips
And cloud the room
Until the only thing visible to me was you.
Now,
The room is only full of
Wisps of memory
And an emptyness that only I can see.

I'd give anything to be the blade between her teeth,
to be the irony that inspires her unease
As she drifts unwillingly
and tastes of salt and sea- foam dreams,
Stars fall upon our cheeks,
While she speaks in tongues like winds from east
and I sit quietly
sipping on every note that she can sing.

I still paint with words and hate the taste
but I'll never take for granted
the ones you waste.

Oh, man
I'm in mania.
Beautiful, wide eyed mania.
It tastes like rose petals, and never needing food or sleep-
Just always itching to do something-
Anything really.

It hurts.
It hurts so ******* much.
It feels like ice in my veins and splinters in my throat, and nails, and heart-
and I’m done with it.
You were supposed to love me.
I* was supposed to love me.
I want to peel the light from my skin and sit there, raw,
so you could finally see just what it feels like.
I’d be a sore on your eyes like you we’re upon my back, and heart, and mind.
And maybe,
just maybe-
despite the pain from my body
I would feel okay
within my head.